missed_theboat Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 What is wrong with me? I just got back with my boyfriend--after a 2 month separation. I just continue to harbor insecurity and fear--fear that threatens to ruin us before we even re-begin. I feel it creeping up on me... and starting to come out in the way I handle situations with him. For instance, he bought a new car today and drove all the way to my house (1 and a half hours away) just to see me and kiss me. I just keep asking him if he's okay, and if things are okay. He gets irritated because he's fine and he wonders why I would keep asking, wondering if he was letting off some vibes that he wasn't okay, when he's clearly fine. He just wants me to be okay with myself, with him, and with us. He wants me to trust him when he says he loves me. He wants me to be happy and to trust that he is happy, too, unless he says otherwise. He says he would definitely tell me if he was not feeling well or into something, and that I don't have to constantly press him or question him. I called him after he left my house and he was telling me he enjoyed coming to visit me and that it really brightened his day to see me. Then I said "Oh I'm glad, because you seemed a little blah..." He was upset with that, because he hadn't felt "blah" at all, and wondered why I would have thought that. He just keeps getting disheartened that I project what I imagine he's feeling--and usually in a negative way. I just need to STOP now. Maybe I need to see a therapist. I love him so much and I want this to work out. Can anyone tell me what you would do in a similar situation? I know I'm acting crazy, and potentially undermining the trust in our relationship, but how do I stop? My mouth just spews out **** sometimes!
Ruby Slippers Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Read a good starter book on Buddhism. It's actually fairly simple to learn how to subdue your anxieties and relax, which frees up a lot of good energy to use in more enjoyable ways than worrying.
Author missed_theboat Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Read a good starter book on Buddhism. It's actually fairly simple to learn how to subdue your anxieties and relax, which frees up a lot of good energy to use in more enjoyable ways than worrying. Oh my gosh! I have a Buddhism for Beginners book sitting on my table right now. I was going to get into it a while back when my boyfriend started talking about it to help his own anxiety. I now know that I have to start reading up on it and meditating. I have to take action. When my guy got home from my place, he sent me a message saying he was home safe. I asked how his drive back was and he said. "Great. Thanks for hanging out with me. I love you." And I replied that I was so grateful he was being so patient and kind with me and that I was going to remember to just relax and enjoy the love. He said "Thank you. Have sweet dreams." He amazes me everyday with his ability to be so kind and loving. He's so kind until he is given a reason not to be. In other words, he gives what he is given. If I trust him and give him love and respect, he's going to give it back to me ten-fold. But, when I harbor insecurity and distrust, of course he's going to start to pull-away. As for the Buddhism--that is actually the push I need to pick up this book and start to read and practice some of the methods. I have always respected the ideas about monitoring one's thoughts and channeling them into more positive reactions. I also picked up Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" at one point and haven't started on it yet, but it looks interesting.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 He amazes me everyday with his ability to be so kind and loving. He's so kind until he is given a reason not to be. In other words, he gives what he is given. If I trust him and give him love and respect, he's going to give it back to me ten-fold. But, when I harbor insecurity and distrust, of course he's going to start to pull-away. He sounds like a good guy. You're lucky As for the Buddhism--that is actually the push I need to pick up this book and start to read and practice some of the methods. I have always respected the ideas about monitoring one's thoughts and channeling them into more positive reactions. I also picked up Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" at one point and haven't started on it yet, but it looks interesting. Cool. I've read both of Tolle's books, and they're great. Personally, I prefer his other one, A New Earth, but they're both full of simple but very powerful ideas. I always felt like I was meditating, just by reading them. In fact, I was
Author missed_theboat Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Yes, I do believe he's an amazing guy and I have gone through a lot with him, and recently I found out I have made it into his inner-circle, and it meant a LOT to me, because he lets very few people in there. He had a rough-upbringing and has the dream of having a family of his own one day. His adopted parents are certainly in his trusted-circle, and I'm pleased to have made it in there, too. He has expressed that he wants to build a future with me. He often talks about when we are married or when we have children. He has expressed these wishes to me, and it makes me incredibly happy to know we are on the same page. He thanks me for sticking by him through it all, and never giving up on him--even when things were hard. In my opinion, that's the meat and bones of a relationship: someone who has your back when things aren't peachy as well as one to hold your hand when things are. I just want him to be able to trust that I am put-together enough that these things are possible without constant source of insecurity. He wants and encourages me to be confident, happy, and trusting. Those are my issues to work through. And I am definitely going to start reading the Buddhism books and the Tolle books. Simple but powerful ideas sound good. And I could use a few good thoughts to meditate on. Mostly I want to learn to appreciate and be grateful for what I do have in this relationship, which is a lot, and to stop creating drama and problems where none exist.
Wolf18 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 You better stay away from real buddhism, stick to Richard Gere hollywood buddhism. Buddhism was written for only celibate males priests to practice.
Author missed_theboat Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 You better stay away from real buddhism, stick to Richard Gere hollywood buddhism. Buddhism was written for only celibate males priests to practice. I'm not into religion much, so I won't be converting to any religion. I just kind of take principals from certain religions or philosophies if I find they pertain to me. Buddha himself even said: "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." That's how I am. If I find something appealing about a certain philosophy, then I'll adopt it. If not, I can discard it. That's why I can't bind myself to any specific religion.
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