HeartOfAPhoenix Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Feel free to check out my other threads... especially the first one I made which I am embarrassed of to be honest. My ex and I were together for 3.5 years, high school sweet hearts, and it seemed like the perfect relationship in not just my eyes but everyone who witnessed us together that I have seen in the past 8 or 9 months since the breakup (even during the relationship people were envious of our connection). Today I went to my old college that both me and my ex attended, to my knowledge she still goes there. I went there to sort out some complications with me finally getting my associates degree and I talked to my adviser for a while about where my life has taken me and such. When I attended classes there he wasn't my adviser, just a highly respected instructor. While talking with him today he asked if me and my ex split up and I informed him that we split up around mid terms of last semester... to which he replied "That is a shame, to be honest from my perspective, you two made the cutest couple I have ever seen... but if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be." Since the breakup I have heard everyone say that they are surprised that we haven't gotten back together, that she will come back, and one of my friends was scared because "If it didn't work out with you and your ex... how can I expect it to work out with me and my girlfriend? our relationship isn't nearly as strong as yours was." up until today I have felt fine. I thought I was healed completely. Now I feel like I am back to day 1 and I realize that I love her unconditionally. I don't feel as crazy as I did when I made my first post here on LS but I definitely feel the anxiety of her being on the same planet as me, and her being in a new relationship. When I got home from speaking with my adviser I learned that she sent my sister a friend request on facebook. I have her blocked in every form and I don't think this would bother me if I hadn't spoken with my adviser, but I am degraded down to a state where I am vulnerable to everything again... I'm not sure what my purpose of this post is, I guess I am looking for support or personal evaluations. Either way, thank you for reading.
quankanne Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 when you commit your heart completely, some small thing is going to pull off the scab that's formed over your broken relationship and it's gonna hurt like a big dog. But it's a very normal human response, when the love for someone is that deep ... recently, a song I'd heard on the radio brought all those feelings to the surface again ... and it's been 25 years since The One I Thought I Was Gonna Spend The Rest Of My Life With dumped me for another man's wife. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you come to realize that life still goes on around you and that you heal: You meet someone new and you realize that while there will never be another love like that person, what you have with this new love is something so incredibly unique that you can't ever imagine life without her, she's such a "right" fit in your life. And that the love for that person is multi-dimensional ... what others say about you and your ex is what their perception is of you, not what your reality is. Yeah, it's gonna break your heart all over again each time you hear it, but you bounce back, especially when you realize you are capable of loving – and being loved – again, and that the love you're meant to have is out there, waiting. mourn what you lost, but don't let it overwhelm you to a point that you cannot see your way to the girl you're MEANT to be with ...
GymRat Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 The last poster has it right, just because other people had a certain perception of things being so perfect, it doesn't mean that things were perfect. I experienced this a lot too, and the more I heard it, the more the reality of it became warped in my head. If things were truly that perfect in the first place, would she ever have left? That's something I keep coming back to, and I realize that there were lots of things that weren't as great as people on the outside could comment on. Just stay strong, and I understand the anxiety of thinking about her and at times even attempting to think like her; understand her rationale. But that just adds to the agony, and you have to really be selfish and think about yourself. If people can comment on how great your relationship was, who do you think was a major part of creating that perception in the first place? YOU! I know in my last relationship, most of the happiness came from my efforts significantly more than hers, and this helps me move on so much easier. Believe me, it gets so much easier with time. Just don't get lost in a delusion that other people fuel! All the best.
wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Lets see... #1 no farm girl... how many chances? #2 no dunkin donuts girl... when is this going to happen? Next Halloween? Shoot even that ugly girl in your class you could have pumped and dumped and just laughed this breadcrumb off. You'll be fine brah!!! Go out and chase more tail, stop staying up till 4am chatting on me on gchat. I do get lonely the nights you dont answer and Im drunk
smokey bear Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Look at it this way, some people cant love unconditionally, there emotional being hasnt formed enough, you can.... so the next you will love unconditionally too and as you get older, and the people you date are older, this is what makes the perfect relationship. Its in you, be glad its there.
EgoJoe Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 You are a man to acknowledge where you're at. Realizing you still have part of the ladder to climb means you can now prepare to climb it.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 when you commit your heart completely, some small thing is going to pull off the scab that's formed over your broken relationship and it's gonna hurt like a big dog.... mourn what you lost, but don't let it overwhelm you to a point that you cannot see your way to the girl you're MEANT to be with ... I understand that other people's perspective on the relationship can be far from the truth, I think what got to me is from my prospective I thought the same from the beginning to dooms day. I guess I got use to hearing those words from friends and people of a relaxed setting... but I think what got to me is it extended to people of whom I had a professional setting with, and more importantly, the instructor that I held the most respect for and seemed to have everything together in his life (but that would be my perception of his life, so who really knows?). who do you think was a major part of creating that perception in the first place? YOU! I can't argue with that, and really, who could? If history does repeat itself I have a gut feeling that I will be in what most people would call their ideal relationship again in the future... and probably more than a few. Time will tell. Look at it this way, some people cant love unconditionally, there emotional being hasnt formed enough, you can.... so the next you will love unconditionally too and as you get older, and the people you date are older, this is what makes the perfect relationship. Its in you, be glad its there. Yup, this unconditional love thing is becoming a wicked bitch. But I've bounced back today, luckily I'm not going down that long road we reach at the end of a relationship but rather a shortcut because I've already seen that road before. And I am at a point where I can accurately evaluate how I feel about her and the situation, hopefully that will give me enough of a push to move forward. You are a man to acknowledge where you're at. Realizing you still have part of the ladder to climb means you can now prepare to climb it. I like this quote, it basically sums up the whole situation and how I was/am feeling. Lets see... #1 no farm girl... how many chances? #2 no dunkin donuts girl... when is this going to happen? Next Halloween? Shoot even that ugly girl in your class you could have pumped and dumped and just laughed this breadcrumb off. You'll be fine brah!!! Go out and chase more tail, stop staying up till 4am chatting on me on gchat. I do get lonely the nights you dont answer and Im drunk Farm girl: she goes to school 3 or 4 hours away from my area, she's a hardcore party girl, and yes I didn't take any chances with her but I don't want a party girl so all is good. Dunkin Ds girl: she hasn't been there when I have stopped in. I have this weekend off from work so maybe I will get a chance these next couple of days... if not, I have finals this week and I'm thinking of studying there. ugly girl from class: HELL NO! Thanks for the responses everyone, I'm feeling much better today and will be on Christmas break after this upcoming week of finals... I'm thinking another P90X session will be starting
wilsonx Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 all i see are excuses bro... people that make excuses are lying to themselves... go out there and do something about it =) if you want something bad enough go out there and get it. see my thread. i said **** it im going to do something about it. "farm girl is party girl" blah blah "dunkin donuts girl is never there blah blah" "ugly girl blah blah" do something about it. if you dont, im going to drive to maine, i am going to get farm girl, then dunking donuts girl, then your ex, then the ugly chick, a few video cameras and have a 5 some hit me up on gchat later on if im sober
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 Call them excuses, call them what you want... Fact of the matter is, if I did happen to start a relationship with farm girl, dunkin donuts girl, or even that ugly girl in my class... If I hit rock bottom while in that relationship then I would be at fault. Sure if farm girl and I do cross paths again I will ask her to grab a coffee but I'm not sure I want anything more than that while she is in the party stage, to be honest I am back into a state of indifference on whether or not I am in a relationship or if there is someone that special in my life. It feels great. But maybe I'm at fault for not trying a relationship with any of these girls... the LS community would have 1 more person to support and also 1 more person to support them haha. You could have all 5 for all I care, I suggest making the ugly chick hold the camera and nothing more though.... wait til you get up here and you'll see what you have to work with, a paper bag isn't going to cure this case.
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