mark414 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I constantly think about my ex having sex with someone else. Every Friday night I think the worst. She has a much larger network of friends then I do and plenty of guys to hang out with. As far as I know she hasn't been with anyone. We are still in constant contact. I realize it is not my place to say what she can or can't do any longer but the thought haunts me every night. How do I get past this? Should I be hoping she does sleep with someone else so I can move on? I feel like if she slept with someone I would no longer want anything to do with her but at the same time the very thought makes me sick to my stomach. How long does this last?
Seneca Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 How long does this last? For as long as you want to hold onto it. How do I get past this? By accepting that it is not in your control. But you can control your thoughts by choosing to focus on something else. Meditation helps to clear the mind.
Cmac Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I know how you feel, my ex broke up with me last week and honestly the thought of her with someone else is the part that bothers me the most.
mridul_chajilee Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yeh,its really wiered.Now,we can't do nothing,all are in their hand.We can only forget it by doing sex with other.
foolishlover Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 im on day 12 of NC after my breakup. Such a thought kills me inside. Even when i was watching tv the other day, there was a scene when a couple was playfully making out and about to get intimate...out of the blue i suddenly saw that as my partner and someone else. I broke out in tears. It was weird how that thought just popped in my head!
Space Ritual Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Mark, The answer is exactly as Seneca put it.... Only YOU decide when it stops. I will take it that you are fairly young but your ailment is nothing new. Is this one of your first really serious relationships? what specifics can you provide us for these triggers you are having?
Author mark414 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 This sure is a tough pill to swallow. I'm 26 years old and this is not my first bad breakup after a serious relationship. In fact, I think the reason I'm particularly bothered is that the last ex stated sleeping with another guy immediately after we broke up. To make it worse she did it in our bed while I was still living there. This situation isn't the same and she isnt the same kind of girl, but I know it's inevitable. It almost seems like a race to be the first to be intimate with someone else. Girls have a much easier time in my opinion when it comes to sex especially when your ex made sure you didn't have any female contacts while you were together. Sucks to be me I guess.
BoredAgain Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yeah, it's a thought that sucks. Like others have said, you have to just accept that there's nothing you can do about it. After that, do all you can do to put it out of your mind. The first Friday night after my recent breakup, I knew my ex would probably be going out to a bar until 2AM... and possibly go home with a guy after that. I just did all I could to distract myself, and after that it just didn't bother me anymore. I also totally understand what you mean by it seeming like "a race to be the first to be intimate with someone else." I got the feeling that my Ex assumed she wouldn't have to deal with post-breakup jealousy - she made a comment to the effect of, "I don't think you could pick up women." (Why did she say this? I have no clue... it's not like I'm hideous or terribly awkward). So, I feel a bit like, "Screw her. I'll prove her wrong." That line of thinking isn't healthy, though... especially since I don't actually want to pick up women so soon after a breakup.
jormungand Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Ugh, yeah. this is the worst thought. Right before we broke up, my ex's best friend just got divorced, so I know they're out every weekend with guys. Every time I'm up at 2AM, I'm pretty sure I have a good idea on what she's up to... It just really sucks. My friends all live out of state right now, lost my job recently too. Besides that, I don't even feel confident enough to get out there and find someone to occupy the time. It's just something I'll have to deal with I guess.
Zabs Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 (edited) The first thing that sprung to mind when I read about Fridays is same-same. Funny as it sounds...I eased the 'fear' by ralising that when a person is in pain or trying to 'get over' another, time does not dictate when. This seems absurd I know...but the fact you realsie that she could sleep with whomever, whenever...hurts soooo much to begin with...but that is the first step about relinquishing control. She will do what she wants..when she wants with whom she wants...and that's that..period. The build up you put yourself through weekly, I am sure is experienfed by others. I know for a fact that my ex though he left me...is tormented by weekends. As a Mother, he figures it is the ONLY time I would get to get to know anyone else..like there aint sitters in the week! I do not sleep with anyone else as it serves no purpose to me. I am still in love with him and will not abuse another just to raise my esteem. Sometimes, I think that is what it comes down to...how well a person can deal with being alone. You are still in constant contact though hey? I doubt she will do anything until she is sure the bond is broken.. Much love Zabs xx Edited December 10, 2011 by Zabs spelling
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