ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Just some thoughts as I was sitting at my computer desperately trying to compose some music .......... For those who haven't read my posts already, some facts. I'm 23, live with parent, unemployed and autistic. Am still a virgin, which still dumbfounds most people because of who I am and what I do (A black guy who is a musician and raps). Completely overlooking that I have a learning difficulty that I have done well to mask over the years lol. Anyway, don't want to dwell.... All my life I have been interested in women, dating, sex, relationships - you name it. I have always felt highly sexual even though I have never really been able to whet my appetite. However, I was an anxious person for years with poor self-esteem, and though I have improved significantly, I lack confidence because I am not where I want to be in life, and as a result, believe it to be difficult to attract the kind of woman I wish to date (yes, I'm a little picky). It is because of this that I cannot/will not complain about my situation, even though I am frustrated. I am constantly reminded of my status by well-meaning friends+family - some have even suggested that they will take me to a brothel. I have declined many times, even though I did consider an escort at my lowest ebb lol. People say that approaching girls is easy. It's not, especially if you already have a fragile sense of self worth in the dating arena. The closest I ever came to even kissing a girl was during a 3 month period where I was deeply infatuated with a female friend of mine whom I had known through mutual interest (both musicians). She's really beautiful and desired by many, but I blew the many chances she gave me to impress her . Since then, I have had interest from some attractive girls but due to anxiety and not knowing how to reciprocate, I folded. So I started reading and understanding social skills better, I read PUA, Persuasion, Leadership books, everything. I also read the Rich Dad book and decided that I needed to become successful instead of sitting in my mothers house twiddling my balls. It's difficult because she seems to want me to stick around and mothers me a little too much, but I want to be an independent man and fulfill my ambitions. I am a rational person and I like to look at the big picture as well as the little details, so I am not delusional about things. I don't hate women and am not bitter, and am definitely sure that I can learn the skills capable to make my life better in all areas. So anyway, long story short: Is it more important to prioritize getting my life together and put off dating for now? Or should I simultaneously do both and practice dating while I am building a life for myself??
jobaba Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Just some thoughts as I was sitting at my computer desperately trying to compose some music .......... For those who haven't read my posts already, some facts. I'm 23, live with parent, unemployed and autistic. Am still a virgin, which still dumbfounds most people because of who I am and what I do (A black guy who is a musician and raps). Completely overlooking that I have a learning difficulty that I have done well to mask over the years lol. Anyway, don't want to dwell.... All my life I have been interested in women, dating, sex, relationships - you name it. I have always felt highly sexual even though I have never really been able to whet my appetite. However, I was an anxious person for years with poor self-esteem, and though I have improved significantly, I lack confidence because I am not where I want to be in life, and as a result, believe it to be difficult to attract the kind of woman I wish to date (yes, I'm a little picky). It is because of this that I cannot/will not complain about my situation, even though I am frustrated. I am constantly reminded of my status by well-meaning friends+family - some have even suggested that they will take me to a brothel. I have declined many times, even though I did consider an escort at my lowest ebb lol. People say that approaching girls is easy. It's not, especially if you already have a fragile sense of self worth in the dating arena. The closest I ever came to even kissing a girl was during a 3 month period where I was deeply infatuated with a female friend of mine whom I had known through mutual interest (both musicians). She's really beautiful and desired by many, but I blew the many chances she gave me to impress her . Since then, I have had interest from some attractive girls but due to anxiety and not knowing how to reciprocate, I folded. So I started reading and understanding social skills better, I read PUA, Persuasion, Leadership books, everything. I also read the Rich Dad book and decided that I needed to become successful instead of sitting in my mothers house twiddling my balls. It's difficult because she seems to want me to stick around and mothers me a little too much, but I want to be an independent man and fulfill my ambitions. I am a rational person and I like to look at the big picture as well as the little details, so I am not delusional about things. I don't hate women and am not bitter, and am definitely sure that I can learn the skills capable to make my life better in all areas. So anyway, long story short: Is it more important to prioritize getting my life together and put off dating for now? Or should I simultaneously do both and practice dating while I am building a life for myself?? It all depends on what you want out of life at that particular moment. Despite the advice given to some of the struggling men here, you don't have to have all of your sh@t together to get a woman. I've gotten a woman to date me when I had no job and lived with my parents and were older than you. Just so long as you are on your way to 'getting your sh@t together." And you're so young it doesn't matter that you live with your parents. Depending on the period of my life, I'm either really into getting women or not even thinking about it much. Right now, it's the former and I'd say the same is true for you. So, focus on trying to attract a woman while getting the other stuff up to snuff. Sidenote: There is nothing more counterproductive to getting women and social life in general than being a musician. I was for a long time a serious practicing musician (many hours a day) and it gives your life such passion, drive, and meaning, it kind of kills your desire to get women, not to mention your time to search them out.
Author ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 It all depends on what you want out of life at that particular moment. Despite the advice given to some of the struggling men here, you don't have to have all of your sh@t together to get a woman. I've gotten a woman to date me when I had no job and lived with my parents and were older than you. Just so long as you are on your way to 'getting your sh@t together." And you're so young it doesn't matter that you live with your parents. Depending on the period of my life, I'm either really into getting women or not even thinking about it much. Right now, it's the former and I'd say the same is true for you. So, focus on trying to attract a woman while getting the other stuff up to snuff. Sidenote: There is nothing more counterproductive to getting women and social life in general than being a musician. I was for a long time a serious practicing musician (many hours a day) and it gives your life such passion, drive, and meaning, it kind of kills your desire to get women, not to mention your time to search them out. True, I hated practicing. I am a self-taught musician, been playing piano since I was 3. People think I am a savant because I happen to be autistic and play instruments, I am not a savant though, I just know music. I would say that my skill is acquiring new skills, applying them is troublesome. I agree with you though, I think I should summon up the confidence to go ahead and get dates. It is just difficult, like I know I shouldn't be anxious and scared, but no matter how irrational I know it is, it still doesn't leave. I do try and not be a social hermit though and when I am out, I will open my mouth and speak, but its difficult at times. Unless I am on stage. When I am on stage or I am playing my instrument or making a beat, I am superman. When I am rapping a 32 bar verse, I am invincible lol. When I am talking to a girl about metaphysics or something like that, I am awkward and rambly . I start thinking about whether Andrey Arshavin will play left wing for Arsenal instead of Gervinho . Anything to stop the awkwardness!!! I know it is irrational though, and I try to be realistic about things without getting downhearted, so I laugh about it without repressing my angry thoughts - I have my music to channel it into!
Author ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Conversely, I've decided to go back and study part time, plus I'm going to attempt to start a business selling post-production services in music. Will also try and give the music career a push, I have amassed quite a network over the years so I know where to get a start, I'm already a signed artist so just need to record now. I fell of love with music about a year ago but I feel I am becoming more inspired again. I think I want to focus on that a little more than dating.
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think you need to take the pressure off dating as being something you need to focus on. Do your thing, work on school and music as you want, but if you meet a girl you like, ask her out! I hate the "I don't have time for a relationship" line that a lot of my friends spout .. if it's the right person, you'll find time. Don't feel as though dating is a skill you have to master like music. It's just a part of life that happens in some periods and doesn't in others. It's about connecting to other people and enjoying yourself. Just don't overthink it!
Peter Attis Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 I would always recommend bettering yourself before anything else.
PhillyDude Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 No one should date if they have issues going on that need to be addressed. Like me for example, I was just laid off on friday, and my leg is swollen and have to go to the doctor this week to find out why and how to get it down So how would I be able to mentally be into a DATE if I have that going on? Now the layoff is not that big of a deal but I just want to address my leg issue and then after that I will be able to go on a date
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