persian Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Hi all, what a great forum, been reading through and would like some opinions on my situation. I was with my ex for 4 years since college, we were each others firsts. I loved him dearly and I know he loved me but we always had problems with him not putting in much effort and taking me for granted. He spent way too much time at the pub and watching sport, he only wanted to see me when it suited him and if I was having a bad day he would either ignore me or make excuses not to see me, he would contact me only once a day and basically a lot of the time I felt like I only had a part time boyfriend. He wasn't massively enthusiastic about getting physical with me and I ended up with my confidence in tatters. There were other problems such as lying and hiding things from me which really damaged my trust in him, I worked hard to rebuild it with little help from him and tried to move on. There were fun and good times and he did support me a lot with setting up my business, and was always faithful so I tried to get by and ignore my longing to be treated like I was really wanted and appreciated. I tried over and over to talk with him about it but nothing ever changed, I tried backing off completely but he didn't even notice. I really tried to be a good and attentive girlfriend, I'm a very affectionate person and I like to do whatever I can to make the people I love happy, and I started to really want someone who would give me the same back. I was probably happy for about 60% of the relationship but for the last few months it just started bothering me more and more and I began to wonder if I could cope with this feeling of getting less than I deserved for the rest of my life. I decided I couldn't and broke up with him. He was devastated and has been a mess since and is now on the verge of losing his job. He desperately wants me back and says he knows this is all his fault and he has taken me completely for granted, he's so sorry he let it go this far and didn't pay attention when I tried to raise these issues. He says he will do anything to prove how much he wants me and is willing to change. I have been pretty set and confident in my decision, but he would not take no for an answer and keeps contacting me. The complication comes with this new guy who I was friends with at work for a good while, I started having feelings for him very soon after breaking up (before if I'm honest but obviously I had no intention of acting of them) and I told him, turns out he's felt the same since he's known me and we've fallen hard and fast. He's great and treats me really well, a real gentleman and very giving and affectionate like me. I feel we are a good match and we have known each other a long time. However, as good as it is, it is all going down mighty fast and having read about GIGS on LS I am now doubting if my feelings are going to last as I seem to fit the stereotype completely?!! He makes me feel amazing and we feel so connected but I have read others saying the same and then changing their minds a few months later. Also, my ex has been crying down the phone to me 3 or 4 times a day and I'm finding it really hard to cope with, I'm not sure if it's just out of sympathy because he doesn't give me two minutes alone to think about it, but I have started to miss him which in turn is making me feel guilty as I'm seeing this other guy and the last thing I want to do is realize my feelings were temporary in a few months and break his heart as he is such a good person, and I'm also worried in case I'm making the classic GIGS mistake. The grass certainly looks and feels greener, but is it really?! CONFUSED! Any advice?
BoredAgain Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Well, the question is sort of a false dichotomy. There is nothing "fake" about GIGS. In your case, it doubt it really matters because your Ex sounds like a huge jerk. Even if things with this new guy don't work out, you deserve somebody who doesn't treat you like you're worthless. Looking on this forum you'll notice a lot of guys who, like your ex boyfriend, claim to have miraculously changed immediately after the breakup. I don't buy it and neither should you. Break-ups can often precipitate change, sure, but it takes a lot of work and time for a true change to actually occur. Whereas these "miraculous changes" usually end up lasting a few months at most. As for him contacting you, just don't respond. Ignore phone calls, emails, texts, etc.
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