Author phone66 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 The truth is tough to read. Its the truth, you know it deep down inside. That's why you kept questioning her about her friend. That was your gut and your instincts telling you something wasnt right. You quit trusting yourself and gave her full control of everything. As a man or an individual, you always need to trust yourself first. Listen to that voice deep inside of you. Always, nothing ever comes before that voice except your kids At the same time, you could not have stopped it from happening. Your email response was perfect though Your right, it was my gut telling me something was not right, for a month or so she seemed off and I kept asking and she kept saying nothing is wrong. At one point she even told me "it's not you it's me". I just didn't realize it was my gut telling me it's about to go down. At least I did something right and sent a good email.
wilsonx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 "its not you its me" ----- Zing... if I was you, I would stop living in the suitcase and move back in your house and kick her out
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 I agree with Wilson, this wasn't your fault, I don't see why you have to live out of a suitcase...you did nothing wrong! She's telling you that she feels guilty;therefore, she stopped all contact with "friend" and isn't hanging around him anymore. LIES!!! Rule number one- If a cheaters mouth is moving, they're lying! I'll guarantee you that she still in contact with this guy. Now, with you out of the way..she can continue her affair without any interference from you. I wouls speculate that she's probably had him over to your house already. Sorry you're going through this.
Author phone66 Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 Im completely done with her she can do whatever the f&$k she wants to. Legally it's not my house, it's hers, i have no ground to stand on, the loan is in her name and she has a doc I signed to get me off title. Of course she is still in contact with him she works with him 40 hrs a week. Doesn't matter now.
wilsonx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Awesome, cut the rest of your strings and take a lot of time to yourself to process and reflect on the things you saw that you did not like in this relationship. Don't rebound or you are going to end up in the same position again. Trust me, I almost did it twice
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Agreed, stay a hard NC with her and make positive changes in your life. Work on your business and make a name for yourself. Work out at the gym. Sweat and push those frustrations out. Travel and see the world! Save and buy a new wardrobe, get a new hairstyle. Get yourself a nice Townehome. Now, of course, these things take time. But, slowly chip away at these things and you'll do fine.
Author phone66 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 How can a guy that she works with knowing that she lives with me and we are in a relationship stoop to a maggot level and try to "steal" what was my future fiance? I don't get it what a fu*&in loser.How are you going to tell someone elses girl that you love her, better yet how can she tell him that. What kind of a man does she really think he is for doing what he is doing. Makes me sick, I don't know what she is doing if anything with him and I don't want to , ignorance is bliss, please don't suggest anything. Having a really tough evening, wish for 2 mins I could just forget about her. How many guys are now hitting on her because they are finding out she is now single, ugh I wanna puke.
Author phone66 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 I know, I was and am still shocked she could ever do such a thing, completely the opposite of the girl I fell in love with, WTF. How can she do that, she has/had so much dignity and self respect.
wilsonx Posted December 17, 2011 Posted December 17, 2011 (edited) Trust me it sucks.... 7 months out.... it gets better though, trust me Just remember, theres nothing you could have done to prevent it and for them, its always a downgrade. She is going to date losers and assclowns and you are going to be her measuring stick and trust me, no body will compare to you =) I am extremely cautious with people that are self absorbed with dignity and pride... there's a reason for it Edited December 17, 2011 by wilsonx
Author phone66 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Posted December 17, 2011 thank you so much for those words
Author phone66 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I took care of our cell bill today so i now have my own plan and I told her it was taken care of via text. She immediately texted back "thank you" and then another text "I know you don't want me asking or saying anything much, but I hope you are well and doing ok" Im not going to bother replying, she lost the priveledge of knowing how I am doing. She needs to leave me alone, she wanted a break up and all this ****, now she's got it.
Author phone66 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Ugh I can't believe I responded to her txt meg and then got into it, unreal so irritated.
Author phone66 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 I want to send this email to her : Sarah, I wish I had not responded to your text message today regarding me not responding to your caring. I don't know what kind of response you are expecting after all that has happened. You told me your not good at communicating, you couldn't communicate with me when we were in a relationship why bother now ? You made the decision to "communicate" with another man and not me. Don't tell me I will "never get it" , I understand much more that you think but again non of this matters anymore. How much care would you like me to show after breaking up with me and me having to leave my home and start over ? After you kissed another man you see every day at work and told him you love him ? After I offered to go to therapy to "work on anything and everything and you refuse? You make me out to be this terrible person a monster, you, you are the one who will never get it. I could go on and on but the simple point of this is I don't want to hear from you, and I don't care to hear if you care, you have already shown me how much you care. If you want to talk to me then stop hiding behind text messages and call me and we can talk. If you want "space" as you have shown by the break up and the situation we are in now then please let me give you your space, I was willing to give you my all, you decided you didn''t want that now I am going to give you nothing. -Bryan
wilsonx Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Send her nothing... Until you can do it with a clear head and thats a long time from now
Author phone66 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Send her nothing... Until you can do it with a clear head and thats a long time from now Struggling to not send her a text or an email like the one above. she needs to know how I feel and that I am not a monster that doesn't want to hear from her, we did exchange a couple of texts yesterday and I wich I hadn't her- Ive tried to show some care and concern, sad for you that you can't respond. Guess I'll just treat any conversation we have like this as a business transaction me- u lost the priveledge to know how Im doing when u decided u loved another man and wanted to end our relationship. Uve made ur decision to end our relationship, now I need to get over u and move on. her- Not that it matters because you'll never get it. I did not leave you for someone else. That was the least of the issue. Im not going to apologize for caring becasue I do care. For your sake I wont going forward. me- U have no idea what I understand and don't understand. Please leave me alone unless u want to talk about a new us in the future. me -I dont need you to care about me anymore me- actions speak louder than words, uve already shown me how much u care, u dnt need to show me anymore, i wish I hadn't replied to ur txt. Any words from anyone please ? I struggling here
Chi townD Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Oh, I LOVE IT when they say that they didn't leave you for someone else. Okay, then dump him and come work on us....of course...she would baulk at that, because SHE DID LEAVE YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!! Let her try to justify it in her head otherwise. The problem is, you keep texting back to her, and it becomes heated and then she can justify it in her head that dumping you was the right choice because you were such an ass... Here's the deal. You give her nothing. Nothing at all. She KNOWS that she cheated on you. And that's what you need to leave her with. By you arguing with her, only gives her permission not to feel guilty. But, if you don't respond, she has no idea of what's going on in your head. She knows she hurt you, but she doesn't know how bad. Thus, you leave her with her guilt. And that's going to put her new relationship pretty strained. But, enough about her. You need to be in NC for YOU. You need to heal from this and move on. She made her choice. Thus, she has to live with the consequences because you don't. Stay NC...Heal...move on. Any time you feel like contacting her....post here instead.
Author phone66 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Oh, I LOVE IT when they say that they didn't leave you for someone else. Okay, then dump him and come work on us....of course...she would baulk at that, because SHE DID LEAVE YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!! Let her try to justify it in her head otherwise. The problem is, you keep texting back to her, and it becomes heated and then she can justify it in her head that dumping you was the right choice because you were such an ass... Here's the deal. You give her nothing. Nothing at all. She KNOWS that she cheated on you. And that's what you need to leave her with. By you arguing with her, only gives her permission not to feel guilty. But, if you don't respond, she has no idea of what's going on in your head. She knows she hurt you, but she doesn't know how bad. Thus, you leave her with her guilt. And that's going to put her new relationship pretty strained. But, enough about her. You need to be in NC for YOU. You need to heal from this and move on. She made her choice. Thus, she has to live with the consequences because you don't. Stay NC...Heal...move on. Any time you feel like contacting her....post here instead. Im going to get the last of my stuff from what was our home, I feel like leaving a note on the counter, something like this - Sarah, all of my stuff is gone and now so am I. My feelings for you won't just go away. Maybe in the future you can stop looking at me as some kind of monster that you can't communicate with and you can call me and we can talk, people grow and change. Maybe someday you can remember the good times, like the 1st time you made lasagna for me at your apartment or maybe the time we slept on the deck there and it rained, we also had our 1st kiss there. I love you, goodbye Bryan
Chi townD Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Im going to get the last of my stuff from what was our home, I feel like leaving a note on the counter, something like this - Sarah, all of my stuff is gone and now so am I. My feelings for you won't just go away. Maybe in the future you can stop looking at me as some kind of monster that you can't communicate with and you can call me and we can talk, people grow and change. Maybe someday you can remember the good times, like the 1st time you made lasagna for me at your apartment or maybe the time we slept on the deck there and it rained, we also had our 1st kiss there. I love you, goodbye Bryan Just get your stuff...Don't leave the note. Why? She doesn't care! She's selfish....nothing you say right now will make a difference. The only thing she cares about is you out of her life you can un-complicate her affair. She won't care about sleeping on the deck or the lasagna. She may see it as a last ditch pathetic attempt to connect with her. Don't give her that satisfaction. But, I have a feeling that if you go NC, this won't be the last time you hear from her. Hopefully, by the time that happens, I hope that you have moved on by then.
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Dont send her ****, because you arent going to be a man when you say it and mean it. You are emotionally comprimised as Spock says in the new Star Trek Movie, you need to surrender and take space to yourself and remove her from the equation. Thats it, but this is easier said then done, you have to focus on it with your life. It hurts trust me and its going to hurt like a champ, its going to take you a long time to see things clearly again and until you do, you have to stick to NC no matter the outcome
Author phone66 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 I went over to the house that was once our home that we "bought" together to get the last of my stuff. It was all boxed up in the garage and I went to open the door from the garage to the house and it was locked. My key didn't work so I tried the front door and tit didn't work there either, she rekeyd the locks. That for some reason really bothers me, Alot. I felt terribleand can't describe it. What kind of a monster does she think I am ?
wilsonx Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 hate to say it but if you had all your stuff in the garage, theres absolutely no reason for you to enter the house. none. the house is in her name and no longer yours so her re-keying the locks is perfectly acceptable and smart on her part, especially if she wasn't there
Author phone66 Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 Went to see my therapist yesterday, broke down and cried for an hour, he talked me into contacting her, right after I was done with him I sent her some long emotional msgs. I didn't expect a reply and did not get one, but it made me feel better to get it off my chest. I don't care what she thinks of it or how it makes me look, I did what I needed to do for me. Im up in the air about texting her Merry Christmas tomorrow. I feel like I want to text her Merry christmas, I love you. The other half is like to h*ll with it if she texts Merry xmas I will reply if not then oh well I guess. Will see what happens tomorrow.
HLP234 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Well now if she responds to your comment, do not say anything back. It is hard not to, you keep wanting to justify your pain to her. There is no point, she knows you are hurting and trying to hurt her by saying things that put blame on her when its her fault for the situation. Just ignore her, do not send a merry christmas. In most cases if she wants you back she will contact you and make it obvious that she wants to talk. Now all she is doing is contacting you to relieve her guilt by making you feel bad about yourself. Do not buy in to this because if you do it will just be resentful comments back and forth and from this point if you want to be with her later, there is no chance. You deserve better if she cheated on you man. Whatever feelings you had, you have also lost trust in her, its hard to get the trust back..if you were to get it back she would need to realize her wrongdoing and not many women place blame on themeselves when they leave for someone else. They place blame on the "relationship", how you were acting, and how you did so and so to justify her actions. And once they have someone else, they won't think about how much they have hurt you or strained you, they will not just wake up and say Yeh I was completely wrong now I want to make up for it. I mean some will, but usually by that time you are over them and resent them for their actions and actually do not want to be with a person like that anymore. When they go for someone else you should know all you did for her and feel good that you can be so good to someone else too. Its not worth fighting for someone that just is emotionally unstable or has issues so you feel the need to take care of them and do everything you can, yet they go and think that it is better off with another person.
Author phone66 Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 Well now if she responds to your comment, do not say anything back. It is hard not to, you keep wanting to justify your pain to her. There is no point, she knows you are hurting and trying to hurt her by saying things that put blame on her when its her fault for the situation. Just ignore her, do not send a merry christmas. In most cases if she wants you back she will contact you and make it obvious that she wants to talk. Now all she is doing is contacting you to relieve her guilt by making you feel bad about yourself. Do not buy in to this because if you do it will just be resentful comments back and forth and from this point if you want to be with her later, there is no chance. You deserve better if she cheated on you man. Whatever feelings you had, you have also lost trust in her, its hard to get the trust back..if you were to get it back she would need to realize her wrongdoing and not many women place blame on themeselves when they leave for someone else. They place blame on the "relationship", how you were acting, and how you did so and so to justify her actions. And once they have someone else, they won't think about how much they have hurt you or strained you, they will not just wake up and say Yeh I was completely wrong now I want to make up for it. I mean some will, but usually by that time you are over them and resent them for their actions and actually do not want to be with a person like that anymore. When they go for someone else you should know all you did for her and feel good that you can be so good to someone else too. Its not worth fighting for someone that just is emotionally unstable or has issues so you feel the need to take care of them and do everything you can, yet they go and think that it is better off with another person. Wow, thank you for the comments. I had a really hard day today and im sure tonight and tomorrow won't be any easier. I can't wait until the holidays are over.
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