mortensorchid Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 The other day, I got a phone call from a high school friend of mine. She called my parents' house, and my Dad (for some reason) gave her my numbers. I had been avoiding her for the last several months, and just when I thought I'd ditched her she reappeared. I fear she's headed for the nuthouse. Ten years ago, after knowing each other for 3 months if that, she met and married a Muslim Pakistani man. The marriage lasted 6 months if that, as he started to hit her. She gained and lost 50 lbs over it. Then she went to a college in California for their doctorate program. I'd thought that she had gotten it together and had moved on, but I was so wrong, that was only the beginning. Attracted to powerful minority men, she went from one to another to another (online or otherwise) and they all abused her. One threw her in jail! She was at some party where they had a fight, he threw a glass of wine in her face and she stormed out. Two blocks away, the police picked her up and threw her in the drunk tank even though she wasn't drunk. She said they smelled it on her and he claimed that she stole something from the house. And six months ago, she answered an ad on Craig's List for a roommate. She moved in with some guy, was there for one day, then something went down and she left. The next day she flew back home here and has been here ever since. The roommate (whoever he is) got her deposit money for the apartment and then sent her clothes and things back to her doused in chemicals, ruined beyond belief. I fear that she will one day hitch her wagon to one of these guys and they will end up killing her. She claimed she had not once left the house since she has been back here, and then she asked me to come and see her. I told her I was busy. Sad.
Lil1 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 She's obviously in need of a friend who can show her compassion and help to steer her in the right direction. She's sorely mistaken to think you could be such a friend to her. Instead you come online and put her down to absolute strangers. This post is really more a reflection on your character than hers in my opinion. I hope for your 'friends' sake that she gets the help she needs instead of being judged.
carhill Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 It doesn't sound like the OP wants to be a friend, but rather was thrust into contact by not enforcing NC. OP, some people just have that path in life, for now anyway. One can only be so charitable and selfless lest one loses sight of oneself. It's easy to get sucked in; how well I know, being captain save a wreck for a couple decades. The moral is that, ultimately, the person has to want to save themselves and make different choices. If it feels toxic, let it go. The way I can smell the toxicity is that you know all these minute details about her and she wanted you to come to her. That tells me the majority of contact is about her, with you essentially being a human sponge. What I've found is that such people overwhelmingly go on, bouncing from person to person through life. Many survive and live long lives. Some find their truth. Others never do. With billions on the planet, there's bound to be some of every type. That's OK.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 She's obviously in need of a friend who can show her compassion and help to steer her in the right direction. She's sorely mistaken to think you could be such a friend to her. Instead you come online and put her down to absolute strangers. This post is really more a reflection on your character than hers in my opinion. OP's "friend" is beyond help. I've known women that...just like this girl, they seemed to gravitate towards violent/abusive minority men. It's weird but I guess that's what they like. One woman I very briefly dated was previously involved with a palestinian man who was beating her quite badly (she thought it was a sign that he "loved" her...I kid you not). Afterwards, she dated an assortment of iranians, arabs, pakistanis, etc. Once I learned about that aspect of her dating history (from her own sister, no less) I dropped that woman like a hot potato and haven't talked to her since.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 six months ago, she answered an ad on Craig's List for a roommate. She moved in with some guy, was there for one day, then something went down and she left. The next day she flew back home here and has been here ever since. The roommate (whoever he is) got her deposit money for the apartment and then sent her clothes and things back to her doused in chemicals, ruined beyond belief. Just an aside - anyone who did that to me would be killed.
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