SkyEmtRN Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 So its been officially 2 months since BU. I'm still hurting. She cut of off with me an it was a 2 1/2 year relationship. She's 24 and I'm 21. We're both eachothers first love. Her reason: Spark faded, wasn't spending a lot of time with her, took her for granted About her: She feels uncomfortable in bars and/or parties and doesnt drink or smoke. Same for me. She stressed out from having to go back to school and then stopping school again. She already has a degree but lacks a job that relates to the degree. So she jumps between. My side: I'm in nursing school, even though I didn't spend much time with her I always there for her when she needed me, I never disrespected her. I respected her wishes of waiting till marriage for sex (we're both virins). Always made her laugh and smile even when she was sad. There were times where I wanted to bu but I was stressed with school and overwhelmed and realized what I really had. I never gave up on us. Where we are right now Me: After two months, today I finally stopped chasing her. During these two months I been hitting the weights and fixing myself. Yes the pain is still there but I am slowly healing. I still hope she comes back. I did accept the possibility that she is not coming back, but I still hope... Her: She spending time with other guys but says she does not want to date anyone at the moment. Who are these guys? 1) has a gf but gives my ex driving lessons (manual transmission) 2) Some muscle head that lets her work on a project car with him. Guy number 1 said to not get involved with guy 2 and she is listening. She just wants to remain friends and said that "i guess he is not dating quality" She has seen that I made changes but says she is still angry at me for treating her badly. However, I asked her to name 2 reasons for how I treated her badly and all she came up with was that I would not spend much time with her or say I love you all the time. I admit to latter but it was becuase I wanted it to special every time I say it and not for it to be just a normal sentence. We have periods of NC for a day or two but then we have periods of LC. I usually let her message me first if anything. She tries to rub it in my face how she is having fun learning about cars. I asked if she ever sees us back together again and how she feels about us. All I get is "idk I cant predict the future", "as of now i dont see us getting back together", "im not ready to date anyone" I asked if when the new year comes if she can put all the anger behind and we can start from fresh with new date, memories etc. And she said "we'll see" She said she feels pressured when I say all that nice sweet stuff. Today was a NC day. My opinion: I think she is looking around for attention from other people to fill the void. Is this the starting sign of GIGS? Is she hiding her feelings? Will all this eventually catch up to her? Will she eventually break up and come chasing me??? Thoughts, opinion, comments please!
BoredAgain Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Well, if you continue to make yourself emotionally and romantically available, then she'll have absolutely no need to come chasing you. Usually it has the opposite effect. You said it yourself, "She said she feels pressured when I say all that nice sweet stuff." Continuing this will likely push her away even further. I know the No Contact thing is very tough, but is Low Contact really helping you at all? If you're doing No Contact then you must commit to it until you're healed. In my experience, going back between LC and NC in short intervals only prolongs the pain. Continue moving forward.
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) Well, if you continue to make yourself emotionally and romantically available, then she'll have absolutely no need to come chasing you. Usually it has the opposite effect. You said it yourself, "She said she feels pressured when I say all that nice sweet stuff." Continuing this will likely push her away even further. I know the No Contact thing is very tough, but is Low Contact really helping you at all? If you're doing No Contact then you must commit to it until you're healed. In my experience, going back between LC and NC in short intervals only prolongs the pain. Continue moving forward. Thank you for responding. Yea thats why I said I stopped chasing her. I realized that once she said it. I havn't texted her all day so I'm going to try to start NC. I keep trying to start it but I always give in lol. This is not easy stuff... UPDATE: As I wrote this I got a text message. She said "idk whats going to make me happy" "just do what you want cuz u should be happy to" I did not respond and I don't plan onto Edited December 9, 2011 by SkyEmtRN
stitch702 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Here is the thing, you need to cut contact already...I know it's hard, but you have to. SHE is out of your control and there is really nothing you can do about it. You cannot force someone to love you. You are giving her the best of both worlds right now. She sees that she has other guys going after her and she also knows that you are there for her as well. She knows that if things don't work out in her life, she can always come back to you. Honestly, you need to just let it go. She needs to figure things out on her own. How is she going to realize that she lost something good, if you are still there in her life. Like I said before, focus on you right now. I know it's easier said than done but it really gets better. First month will suck, but it gets easier. Just keep youself busy...you have nursing school right now so that shouldn't be too hard. Think of it this way, love is a drug and its an addiction the more you keep in contact with her the more you get your fix and then you are back to square one. Use N/C, to heal yourself and when you get over the emotional part of it and are able to think with a better head you'll see whether you still want the relationship or not. She may come back to you or she may not...life goes on. There will be many others that will love you and leave you because you are still young
Author SkyEmtRN Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Here is the thing, you need to cut contact already...I know it's hard, but you have to. SHE is out of your control and there is really nothing you can do about it. You cannot force someone to love you. You are giving her the best of both worlds right now. She sees that she has other guys going after her and she also knows that you are there for her as well. She knows that if things don't work out in her life, she can always come back to you. Honestly, you need to just let it go. She needs to figure things out on her own. How is she going to realize that she lost something good, if you are still there in her life. Like I said before, focus on you right now. I know it's easier said than done but it really gets better. First month will suck, but it gets easier. Just keep youself busy...you have nursing school right now so that shouldn't be too hard. Think of it this way, love is a drug and its an addiction the more you keep in contact with her the more you get your fix and then you are back to square one. Use N/C, to heal yourself and when you get over the emotional part of it and are able to think with a better head you'll see whether you still want the relationship or not. She may come back to you or she may not...life goes on. There will be many others that will love you and leave you because you are still young Yea I understand what you saying. I did start NC today, atleast I'm trying to lol. My emotions have gotten a lot better though but they still there. I'm able to avoid her text now which is good. But when I see her stuff on fb like if she adds a friend and its a girl, it sets me off. But I can't delete the fb and I'm not going to. It will stir up more stuff and ruin chances of reconciliation. Also that it being the holiday season doesn't make this any better.
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