EnigmaXOXO Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 We females are often accused of being attracted to "bad boys." But I've noticed some similarities in some of the male posts that really have me scratching my head. From what I gather, there seem to be a lot of guys out there who are attracted to "wounded" women. Damsels in distress, so to speak. Is it that guys like to play hero? Do they prefer women who need to be "rescued" so that they can assume the "knight in shining armor" role??? Does this make a man feel masculine...or just 'needed?' Input PLEASE!!!!
faux Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO We females are often accused of being attracted to "bad boys." But I've noticed some similarities in some of the male posts that really have me scratching my head. From what I gather, there seem to be a lot of guys out there who are attracted to "wounded" women. Damsels in distress, so to speak. Or you could describe them as "Damaged Little Pretties". Is it that guys like to play hero? Do they prefer women who need to be "rescued" so that they can assume the "knight in shining armor" role??? I have been with some very bad women before, but I just wanted to give them a chance. I tried to look past what everyone else saw, look past the rumors, and well, look past their horrible pasts. I did not see them as girls who needed to be rescued. Moreso I just felt that someone needed to give them a chance, and show that they were going to really try to get to know them on their own despite rumors. I used to spend far more time looking for good in people and ignoring all of the obvious bad that I saw. I also did not value myself as much as I should have while in some of these bad relationships. Does this make a man feel masculine...or just 'needed?' I just felt that I was doing the right thing. I also let myself get fooled into believing every word these women said, as I used to be far too trusting of people. If you go looking for bad in someone you will find it. Similarly, if you seek the good in someone you might have little trouble ignoring the evils that warn you to run away. I notice that when people in general go for someone who is obviously bad news for them, they hope that they can change the bad news person in some way. It seems this behavior is mor prevalent in women than in men, but it is a behavior I sincerely hope I have learned my lessons from for good.
dudesomewhere Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 are you talking about me! hehe jk well, these are forums for problems...so it's more coincidental maybe... or maybe because of the crap of the dating game, sometimes guys really want to feel needed, rather than playing so many guessing games. That and bad women lie a lot...one of my recent relationships I wasn't attracted to a bad girl because I thought she was a nice girl...dang hose lied about every aspect of herself, lol
yes Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 Yeah, i think men with self-esteem issues enjoy the saviour role! It certainly works on many men - just ask them for help, appreciate their strength and support, and they're happy as can be to have been useful But there's also the opposite kind of men, who're terrified of being used by women... they seek women who're fully independent and strong, and don't need anybody to lean on (or so they think!). Only then do they feel that the woman wants THEM and not their $ or whatever. my 2c, -yes
Author EnigmaXOXO Posted May 29, 2004 Author Posted May 29, 2004 Thanks guys! Actually, my partner and I were talking about this last week. He was laughing when he admitted that he was drawn to women like this when he was in his twenties. Whether they claimed to be with abusive SOs, were unhappy in their marriages, had emotional problems, or drug problems…he was always trying to “rescue” the damsel in distress. I was just wondering, after reading some of the stories on this forum, if other young males were inclined to be attracted to the same thing. And what they thought their reasons might be. My partner said it was because he liked feeling needed and appreciated. (Who doesn’t?) The irony is, he never did save the damsel…nor did he ever end up with the girl in the end (at least not for long). Even the gal who complained that her boyfriend abused her never left her “bad boy” to be with the “good guy”. Instead, my partner always found himself being demoted to “friend” and playing the gullible fall back guy and FB. In the end, it broke his heart and his spirit, and he gave up hope of ever finding a girl who could care for him as much as he cared them. He couldn’t understand why he was always good enough to call on whenever they were lonely or in a pinch, but never good enough to be their boyfriend. Also, he said because he was “too nice”, he never found the courage to just tell them “no,” and cut the ties even after they broke up with him. Thus, when I met him, he had a harem of needy female friends but had only experienced one long-term relationship by the time he was thirty. And even that girl, who he loved and wanted to marry, was secretly struggling with her sexual identity and eventually broke his heart when she ditched him for another woman who she was cheating on him with. In retrospect, we can laugh about all our dumb mistakes and narrow escapes. And it sure makes us appreciate being in a relationship now with someone who doesn’t need to be “fixed.” It’s just a shame that people can’t pass their lessons along to other folks to help them avoid the same tragic cycles. By the way Faux…he was laughing when he read your term “damaged little pretties.” He said he can relate! Now, whenever he hears that familiar distress cry…my ‘Sir Gallant’ now runs in the opposite direction! A little gun-shy, you suppose???
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