stunned8165 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Hey I'm not a schmuck,lol. Yes she went back to the ex. before me. yOU KNOW WHAT i MEAN DUDE..LOL
Sugarkane Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I've never heard from exes ever again. never cheated, always treated them good (probably too good). So why have I never heard from them, EVER?
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I've never heard from exes ever again. never cheated, always treated them good (probably too good). So why have I never heard from them, EVER? Maybe out of extreme guilt,, they died, or you were used as a rebound (such as I) and there never was a deep emotional connection and were never IN LOVE with you? There is no guarantee that any of our ex.s will come back,, that could be a good thing.
Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Maybe out of extreme guilt,, they died, or you were used as a rebound (such as I) and there never was a deep emotional connection and were never IN LOVE with you? There is no guarantee that any of our ex.s will come back,, that could be a good thing. I've never been someone's rebound, thank god.
Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I've never begged, pleaded, stalked or broke NC: NOT EVEN ONCE. Still didn't make any difference.
EyeAlone Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ugh. Unfortunately it's true. With my first ex boyfriend, we dated for a few months, he dumped me because we were at different parts of life, and he came crawling back 5 months afterwards. When I say "crawling back," it's not like he wanted to have a friendly chat. He really wanted to get back together. But I told him no because I was dating someone "better," which leads me to... ...My stupid second ex boyfriend. We dated close to 3.5 years. He dumped me because 1) he didn't know what he wanted in life and 2) there was this other girl that he liked and he thought she didn't like him only because he was in a relationship. If he got out of the relationship, then she would like him. LOL! He, too, came crawling back 4 months after the break up. At that point I had finally realized that I deserved better so I turned him down. He kept pursuing me for the next 5 months and basically became a stalker. I had to finally threaten him with a restraining order to get him to leave me alone. I was really surprised to hear from him after the break up since he was really, really certain that he was doing the right thing when he dumped me. Whatevs. We'll see what's in store with my new third ex. I really don't think I'll hear back from him, and I hope I don't, but time will tell. If I hear from him, I'll know how to handle it thanks to the previous two crawler-backers. 1
mike588 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I've never begged, pleaded, stalked or broke NC: NOT EVEN ONCE. Still didn't make any difference. Again there is no guarantee they they will,,, I'm 4 months into N.C. and not a peep from her. Maybe next month/s,, you too,, who knows,, don't put your life on hold waiting, it may never come.
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 This begs the question: Are you more likely to hear back from an ex if you did beg/plead/fight for them? At the time they thought it was annoying but they actually subconsciously enjoyed it. They later in life want to see if you still pine over them? Maybe going no contact off the bat makes them believe you didn't really care at all either---> so why contact you later in life? "He/she better off without me." I told my recent ex I wasn't going to give a crap and just move on. She wasn't happy about that, obviously I wasn't telling the truth. It seems some people who didn't plead/beg have not heard back from their ex's while some that did eventually have. Thoughts?
mike588 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Every relationship,breakup, situation is different but my ex. told me that when she brokeup with her ex. (before me) he just up and left,,, no crying begging,pleading etc. from him. She called/texted him for several days afterwards but according to her he never responded,,, 1 year later she tells me he texted her saying Love and miss you,,,, then I was history. How true the last part is only she knows,, she may have contacted him (out of guilt to take the blame off her)or been in contact with him for a good part of our relationship? It really doesn't matter anymore and it won't change things but I'd still like to know the truth,,, I strongly believe my ex. will never comeback/contact me out of guilt and or because she never was "In Love" with me.
M2155 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 This begs the question: Are you more likely to hear back from an ex if you did beg/plead/fight for them? At the time they thought it was annoying but they actually subconsciously enjoyed it. They later in life want to see if you still pine over them? I don't think it has anything to do with how you broke up, and everything to do with the relationship you had and what you are feeling currently. If someone is coming around later in life just to see if you still pine over them then, that sounds sad. The likely scenario (at least for me) something reminds you of a fond memory of the past and you reach out to see how they are or how things turned out for them. Or maybe it's a better time in your life for a relationship. I don't know. I had a guy tell me 6 years later how much he didn't appreciate me at the time because he and his wife were having a conversation and it was an example he brought up. Although I do have a guy that I contact probably once a year now just to see if he's still affected. He dumped me but then tried to get back a number of times without breaking off his relationship and that's not cool. Pure ego. But after being on this site, I won't do it anymore
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I just dated a man for 3 months and I ended it a couple weeks ago because he didn't want a relationship. He called last weekend to say that he had been thinking about it and felt he had not been honest with me. He said he was, in fact, ready for a relationship and that he felt things for me that he hasn't felt in a while... BUT, that there were a few 'select behaviors' that caused him to believe he could not have a relationship with me. He described it as 'boundary issues'. I told him I had never been told or even thought about this before. I reassured him that I had enjoyed our time together and explained why I wanted a relationship with him. Despite me telling him I disagree with the breakup (since it was no longer him not being ready/not caring for me in that way), he didn't change his mind. We stopped talking and I am 100% NC, day 6. This is easy since it wasn't an LTR, but it still sucks. I really like him and am still wondering if he will realize its his own insecurities that are holding him back. Will he call? Who knows. I'm not calling him. No more crying, begging or pleading from me, with any man, ever again!
Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 The only ex that has contacted me, did it only ti see if I was still pining over him. And to Bragg about how well he was doing. He turned out to be a real Ahole. He begged and nagged to get back together. Only to stabd me up and verbally abuse me by text. what an Ahole.
EyeAlone Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Maybe going no contact off the bat makes them believe you didn't really care at all either---> so why contact you later in life? "He/she better off without me."My exes didn't follow that philosophy. I went strictly NC right after the break ups. Deleted email addresses, blocked facebook, deleted phone numbers...I had to eliminate any temptation. Someone told me once that if the dumper is making more of an impulsive decision then that increases the chances that they contact you again. But I don't know about that. My 2nd ex and I went through 5 whole months in our relationship trying to figure out if we should break up or not so his decision in the end wasn't impulsive. However, he pursued me like I was the last girl on the continent for a second chance. So I guess you can't predict it until it happens?
Zabs Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 All the fresh breakups seem hard for us right now and we all feel betrayed but it's almost a guarentee you will hear back from them. I know some of you think they won't due to guilt and others due to betrayal reasons but as time goes on things become clearer. My one ex who dumped me did all the similar things this current ex did. She came to my door step 1 year later after our breakup and 6 months after our last contact (after she called to wish me happy birthday). I think most people like to bury the hatchet once the dust settles. Right now it is probably just too soon for them and they also know we are not over them. Good point! My ex and I have been split for..hmmm...nigh on 18 months..but only last month has there been absolute NC. 4 weeks on Wed actually. The thing is...we both have issues and I was the one to say lets let bygones be so and move on seperately with our lives. Since then he has used every other means to TRY and get me to initiate contact...profiles on FB...telling all and sundry he is widowed..reverse psychology...trying to make links with my family...yadda yadda yadda... I missed his bday two weeks ago...he was pissed about that..so its was like Kiss my ass!..Then he decided to remain hopeful again..now that the holidays are almost upon us...and from what I can tell..he is really struggling...but at the end of the day NC aint a game. I genuinely want to be happy. If he can't express how he feels to my face, then what is the point? Life is short....and I am cool just as things are. Though, due to my silence, he will figure there must be 'something' or 'someone' that prevents me from calling. His curiousity will engulf him and he will end up making a move. His call. Either way, I will be cool because the dust has settled..and I feel chilled..whatever happens. Excellent thread NeverKnow Much love Zabs xx:cool:
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 I just dated a man for 3 months and I ended it a couple weeks ago because he didn't want a relationship. He called last weekend to say that he had been thinking about it and felt he had not been honest with me. He said he was, in fact, ready for a relationship and that he felt things for me that he hasn't felt in a while... BUT, that there were a few 'select behaviors' that caused him to believe he could not have a relationship with me. He described it as 'boundary issues'. I told him I had never been told or even thought about this before. I reassured him that I had enjoyed our time together and explained why I wanted a relationship with him. Despite me telling him I disagree with the breakup (since it was no longer him not being ready/not caring for me in that way), he didn't change his mind. We stopped talking and I am 100% NC, day 6. This is easy since it wasn't an LTR, but it still sucks. I really like him and am still wondering if he will realize its his own insecurities that are holding him back. Will he call? Who knows. I'm not calling him. No more crying, begging or pleading from me, with any man, ever again! My ex and I lasted 3 months as well, short term relationship breakups are rough! Did he tell you this out of the blue? Do you think another girl is involved?
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 My exes didn't follow that philosophy. I went strictly NC right after the break ups. Deleted email addresses, blocked facebook, deleted phone numbers...I had to eliminate any temptation. Someone told me once that if the dumper is making more of an impulsive decision then that increases the chances that they contact you again. But I don't know about that. My 2nd ex and I went through 5 whole months in our relationship trying to figure out if we should break up or not so his decision in the end wasn't impulsive. However, he pursued me like I was the last girl on the continent for a second chance. So I guess you can't predict it until it happens? Maybe it is different with guys than girls? I think female dumpers actually enjoy it when their ex fights for the relationship (gives them an ego boost). They will say they don't like it but deep down they do; I think most are actually pissed off if you don't. This is why if you do fight for it I think they will want to be friends with you later in life/contact you because they know "there was at least one guy out there that valued our relationship."
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 10, 2011 Author Posted December 10, 2011 Good point! My ex and I have been split for..hmmm...nigh on 18 months..but only last month has there been absolute NC. 4 weeks on Wed actually. The thing is...we both have issues and I was the one to say lets let bygones be so and move on seperately with our lives. Since then he has used every other means to TRY and get me to initiate contact...profiles on FB...telling all and sundry he is widowed..reverse psychology...trying to make links with my family...yadda yadda yadda... I missed his bday two weeks ago...he was pissed about that..so its was like Kiss my ass!..Then he decided to remain hopeful again..now that the holidays are almost upon us...and from what I can tell..he is really struggling...but at the end of the day NC aint a game. I genuinely want to be happy. If he can't express how he feels to my face, then what is the point? Life is short....and I am cool just as things are. Though, due to my silence, he will figure there must be 'something' or 'someone' that prevents me from calling. His curiousity will engulf him and he will end up making a move. His call. Either way, I will be cool because the dust has settled..and I feel chilled..whatever happens. Excellent thread NeverKnow Much love Zabs xx:cool: Zabs, Did his means of trying to get you to contact him make you mad/annoy you? Did you portray to him that it was annoying but deep down you actually enjoyed it ha ha? Much love to you too!
lilyblue Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Sorry, I just posted this in my own thread too, but I'm pretty much hysterical. Ex friended his exwife today on fb (who he is back together with) and a few hours later I was unfriended. I was holding out hope that down the lines we could become friends again (like we were for years before we ever dated) but I am so hurt now. It seems so ridiculous that things have one this way. The last time we talked - we were still dating - he told me how much he respected me, how he like me to much to do anything unkind. Years ago we also had another friend get divorced and that couple unfriended each other. My ex was incredulous that they would do that, thought it was so out of line. We never had a falling out, everything was fine between us. It's so stupid. She thought he was cheating on her with me when they were married (he wasn't) so maybe it was her request now that she could see the pics? There were a lot of me that he posted from this summer. I want to text him And tell him what an awful person he is.
yzyzyz325 Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 i doubt it. My first gf broke up with me 5 yrs ago, and never contacted me ever since that day. I tried to add her as my friend 2 yrs after BU, but she didn't accept. Maybe bcoz our relationship was very short, only 6 months, and I was very shy and inexperienced at the time, so i didn't know how to be a bf. That's why i mean so little to her
ScienceGal Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 My ex and I lasted 3 months as well, short term relationship breakups are rough! Did he tell you this out of the blue? Do you think another girl is involved? I brought up the "relationship" label since we had been dating exclusively for 3 months (essentially a relationship, no?). I ended it because he didn't seem to share the same feelings. He cried, I cried. We ended the conversation on good terms. He called a week later to clarify that he did care and did want a relationship, but my 'boundary issues' were preventing him from being able to foresee a relationship with me. I could see he was struggling with the explanation. I don't suspect another woman. I suspect he is too scared to fall in love again and had to find fault in something I did. His ex ripped his heart out and he has been in therapy since (a year).
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 Sorry, I just posted this in my own thread too, but I'm pretty much hysterical. Ex friended his exwife today on fb (who he is back together with) and a few hours later I was unfriended. I was holding out hope that down the lines we could become friends again (like we were for years before we ever dated) but I am so hurt now. It seems so ridiculous that things have one this way. The last time we talked - we were still dating - he told me how much he respected me, how he like me to much to do anything unkind. Years ago we also had another friend get divorced and that couple unfriended each other. My ex was incredulous that they would do that, thought it was so out of line. We never had a falling out, everything was fine between us. It's so stupid. She thought he was cheating on her with me when they were married (he wasn't) so maybe it was her request now that she could see the pics? There were a lot of me that he posted from this summer. I want to text him And tell him what an awful person he is. Lily, The same BS happened to me too. My ex blocked me on Facebook (she said she couldn't handle seeing other girls write on my wall, funny how she was the one that dumped me though) and 1 and a half months later re-adds her ex boyfriend and his friends. Her ex and her re-communicated around the same time of our breakup and she cut off all contact with me around the same time she re-adds him on Facebook. They didn't talk for 2 years! People are just weird and do strange things! All I know is that she is still single but I have now taken the old role of her ex (being blocked) while he is friends with her again......I feel totally betrayed and backstabbed
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I brought up the "relationship" label since we had been dating exclusively for 3 months (essentially a relationship, no?). I ended it because he didn't seem to share the same feelings. He cried, I cried. We ended the conversation on good terms. He called a week later to clarify that he did care and did want a relationship, but my 'boundary issues' were preventing him from being able to foresee a relationship with me. I could see he was struggling with the explanation. I don't suspect another woman. I suspect he is too scared to fall in love again and had to find fault in something I did. His ex ripped his heart out and he has been in therapy since (a year). I suspect the same thing with my ex even though she denies it. Her ex boyfriend ripped her heart out as well and I was the first relationship she had gotten into since their breakup (they broke up over 2 years ago). So maybe she did run from love but what is messed up is that her ex and her re-communicated around the same time of our breakup. Read my response to Lily (post before this one) and you will see what happened in relation to that whole thing. I suspect she was possibly in therapy too, I just don't know with her but it seems we had similar ex's.
Zabs Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Zabs, Did his means of trying to get you to contact him make you mad/annoy you? Did you portray to him that it was annoying but deep down you actually enjoyed it ha ha? Much love to you too! Never, I don't think I would class it as enjoyment...but it wasn't complete rage either! :laugh:It's more of I am tired of the cycle when I know he is not being truthful aboout his feelings. He tells all and sundry about me and etc..but won't tell me. I turn my back and walk away and figuratevely speaking he always chases after. There have been times I have wondered was it just for an ego boost...but I happen to know he is making himself ill...and no one is gonna do that if they have no feelings are they? Muc love...again! Zabs xx
lilyblue Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Lily, The same BS happened to me too. My ex blocked me on Facebook (she said she couldn't handle seeing other girls write on my wall, funny how she was the one that dumped me though) and 1 and a half months later re-adds her ex boyfriend and his friends. Her ex and her re-communicated around the same time of our breakup and she cut off all contact with me around the same time she re-adds him on Facebook. They didn't talk for 2 years! People are just weird and do strange things! All I know is that she is still single but I have now taken the old role of her ex (being blocked) while he is friends with her again......I feel totally betrayed and backstabbed Thanks for your reply, and now in retrospect, sorry to hijack your thread These situations are so hard. This is all just so unnecessary! I'm not psycho (though it may appear that way on this board!). Betrayed is definitely true.
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