You will hear back from the dumper someday

[YouNeverKnow86]

I think the chances are always pretty good that you will hear back from the dumper (male or female) again at some point in life. Most of the time it isn't about getting back together but to just bury the hatchet. What you do (ignore/talk/meet up) is up to you but I think the chances are pretty good you will hear back from them. What are all your experiences on this? I will share mine....I have buried the hatchet and are now on talking terms with my 3 previous ex's (was dumper for 2 of them and dumpee for 1).......So the verdict is still out on my most recent dumper ex.

 

Even if you begged and pleaded to get your ex back I think you will still hear from them once the dust has settled. I am even talking about going a bit crazy after the breakup......Your ex's understand why you harassed them, they know you did it because you were hurt. I think the only time you may not hear from an ex is if there was abuse going on.

Edited December 8, 2011 by YouNeverKnow86

[mike588]

I think the chances are always pretty good that you will hear back from the dumper (male or female) again at some point in life. Most of the time it isn't about getting back together but to just bury the hatchet. What you do (ignore/talk/meet up) is up to you but I think the chances are pretty good you will hear back from them. What are all your experiences on this? I will share mine....I have buried the hatchet and are now on talking terms with my 3 previous ex's (was dumper for 2 of them and dumpee for 1).......So the verdict is still out on my most recent dumper ex.

 

My ex. wife (many years ago) dumped me for her soul mate then 6 months later she came crawling back and I mean crawling back!!!

 

I'd met someone else and put her behind me but said we could be friends and friends only!! and I meant it.

 

Well she ocasionally called me for about 2 months then after that I never heard from her again.

 

I wouldn't mind hearing from my current ex. in the near future (it's only been 4 months since she dumped me) after I'm completely healed/indifferent towards her.

 

She has alot of things to apoligise/explain for not that I would demand or expect that from her but it would be nice to hear especially after treating her so well and being so very good to her,, I hope one day she will realize that she lost someone who truely loved her and gave so much.

 

At this time I'm not quite ready for that and besides she may not contact me because of the horrible way she dumped me and the guilt she may be carrrying within her.

[stunned8165]

I think the chances are always pretty good that you will hear back from the dumper (male or female) again at some point in life. Most of the time it isn't about getting back together but to just bury the hatchet. What you do (ignore/talk/meet up) is up to you but I think the chances are pretty good you will hear back from them. What are all your experiences on this? I will share mine....I have buried the hatchet and are now on talking terms with my 3 previous ex's (was dumper for 2 of them and dumpee for 1).......So the verdict is still out on my most recent dumper ex.

 

Even if you begged and pleaded to get your ex back I think you will still hear from them once the dust has settled. I am even talking about going a bit crazy after the breakup......Your ex's understand why you harassed them, they know you did it because you were hurt. I think the only time you may not hear from an ex is if there was abuse going on.

 

 

 

Funny you should post this. But I agree. I heard from everyone of them and wanted back in my life... But most recently, get a load of this...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309568/

[Mcnulty]

No, I disagree on this one.

 

The callous way she just stopped contacting me, then put on facebook, (which she hated and looked down on) that she was in a relationship..with my friend...she will not contact me. She is a total coward and spineless.

 

Been 2 months now and No contact goes on and will go on...I expect nothing more from this betrayal.

[stunned8165]

No, I disagree on this one.

 

The callous way she just stopped contacting me, then put on facebook, (which she hated and looked down on) that she was in a relationship..with my friend...she will not contact me. She is a total coward and spineless.

 

Been 2 months now and No contact goes on and will go on...I expect nothing more from this betrayal.

 

 

You sound pissed. I am too. Not as much but I am. But trust me, you WILL here SOMETHINg some day.

[YouNeverKnow86]

All the fresh breakups seem hard for us right now and we all feel betrayed but it's almost a guarentee you will hear back from them. I know some of you think they won't due to guilt and others due to betrayal reasons but as time goes on things become clearer.

 

My one ex who dumped me did all the similar things this current ex did. She came to my door step 1 year later after our breakup and 6 months after our last contact (after she called to wish me happy birthday). I think most people like to bury the hatchet once the dust settles.

 

Right now it is probably just too soon for them and they also know we are not over them.

[stunned8165]

All the fresh breakups seem hard for us right now and we all feel betrayed but it's almost a guarentee you will hear back from them. I know some of you think they won't due to guilt and others due to betrayal reasons but as time goes on things become clearer.

 

My one ex who dumped me did all the similar things this current ex did. She came to my door step 1 year later after our breakup and 6 months after our last contact (after she called to wish me happy birthday). I think most people like to bury the hatchet once the dust settles.

 

Right now it is probably just too soon for them and they also know we are not over them.

 

 

Yeah. I would love to bury a hatchet alright. Right in HER heart as she did to me and the kids. But Karma has a nasty bite...

[Jono85]

I don't know whether this is is true or not. I also think that some people, maybe b/c of guilt, might not.

 

In my case, 11 months NC from my ex who left me for her ex (and there were lies, and her hiding their exchanges from me for a while, meaningless I Love Yous, etc.), after she apologized, and I apologized (I sent her a nasty email) she tried to be friends with me and I rejected her. She asked how I was doing one night, and I just had a change of heart on being friends. I told her I couldn't get past some of the things she did but I wasn't really bitter or anything and wished her the best, and said goodbye. Well she didn't even REPLY to that lol. And still hasn't. This is 11 months later.

 

A part of me thinks she feels too guilty to ask how I am since that's what she did before and I rejected her friendship. I obv sent vibes that I don't even want her asking how I am. I know she's now broken up with that ex, for a few months now. And b/c SHE initiated our first I Love Yous just a week before we split, it does mildly surprise me that she didn't come and contact me after she split with her ex. Either way I don't plan on ever contacting her again. It would be different if she didn't deceive me and lie to me so many times instead of having the heart to end things when she knew she was starting to get feelings for her ex again.

[lilyblue]

The ex's that I cared about have come back too (with the execption of the last one). I guess that really only leaves two. There's been a bunch of other short-termers, but I'm not counting those. One time I was the dumper, we didn't talk for about 6 months and then I think I made contact... I can't actually remember. We've tried to get back together a couple of times since then, but both of us are finally at a place where we are perfectly content being platonic.

 

One time I was the dumppee I guess. He just stopped talking to me (he had moved across the country a few months before and I thought it might be best to go our separate ways as well, so I did not try to keep in contact either). It ate at me for 6 months until one day he just showed up at my door to apologize. That was about 6 months ago. We're very much friends again and I talk to him almost every day.

 

I know you can't have it in every case, but resolution feels so good. I still hope I get it with the most recent ex.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I don't know whether this is is true or not. I also think that some people, maybe b/c of guilt, might not.

 

In my case, 11 months NC from my ex who left me for her ex (and there were lies, and her hiding their exchanges from me for a while, meaningless I Love Yous, etc.), after she apologized, and I apologized (I sent her a nasty email) she tried to be friends with me and I rejected her. She asked how I was doing one night, and I just had a change of heart on being friends. I told her I couldn't get past some of the things she did but I wasn't really bitter or anything and wished her the best, and said goodbye. Well she didn't even REPLY to that lol. And still hasn't. This is 11 months later.

 

A part of me thinks she feels too guilty to ask how I am since that's what she did before and I rejected her friendship. I obv sent vibes that I don't even want her asking how I am. I know she's now broken up with that ex, for a few months now. And b/c SHE initiated our first I Love Yous just a week before we split, it does mildly surprise me that she didn't come and contact me after she split with her ex. Either way I don't plan on ever contacting her again. It would be different if she didn't deceive me and lie to me so many times instead of having the heart to end things when she knew she was starting to get feelings for her ex again.

 

Jono,

 

Another ex leaving for her ex on these boards, I really see this as a common theme on loveshack. My ex re-connected with her ex right around the same time of our breakup (I have no idea if this caused our breakup or not). I have since been cut out of her life and he has re-entered (friends on Facebook, etc.). I don't think it is coincidence they reconnected right around the same time as our breakup, especially since they didn't speak for 2 years!

[YouNeverKnow86]

Yeah. I would love to bury a hatchet alright. Right in HER heart as she did to me and the kids. But Karma has a nasty bite...

 

Stunned,

 

I feel the same way

[YouNeverKnow86]

The ex's that I cared about have come back too (with the execption of the last one). I guess that really only leaves two. There's been a bunch of other short-termers, but I'm not counting those. One time I was the dumper, we didn't talk for about 6 months and then I think I made contact... I can't actually remember. We've tried to get back together a couple of times since then, but both of us are finally at a place where we are perfectly content being platonic.

 

One time I was the dumppee I guess. He just stopped talking to me (he had moved across the country a few months before and I thought it might be best to go our separate ways as well, so I did not try to keep in contact either). It ate at me for 6 months until one day he just showed up at my door to apologize. That was about 6 months ago. We're very much friends again and I talk to him almost every day.

 

I know you can't have it in every case, but resolution feels so good. I still hope I get it with the most recent ex.

 

6 months also seems like a common theme on these boards. My one dumper ex showed up on my door step 6 months after our last contact.....Did you still have any romantic feelings for your ex's once they recommunicated with you? Or did they go away?

[sunflower11]

I don't think this is a good thing....what if you never hear back from your ex?

I feel that this could be "misleading" when people feel the most vulnerable because to me..this is sort of giving me the hope that I will hear back from him someday..and I might not. I really doubt this applies to everyone..though I have head from two previous ex bf's...this is certainly not a rule.

[lilyblue]

6 months does seem like a common theme...

 

I guess I had romantic feelings for the one I dumped - until we got together this last time (beginning of this year). We had forgotton our problems and decided to try again. I pretty quickly realized that I didn't actually have strong feelings for him anymore, but I thought we should keep trying. I knew once we ended it this time, that was it, and I didn't want to make a mistake. I feel fine now, don't want to go back, but enjoy having him in my life. The end to this last try was completely mutual. We just didn't work. The break up was about 5 minutes. We completely agreed on everything.

 

The one that "dumped" me I still care about a lot but there are just too many barriers to make anything work (not the least of which is his inability to commit and he's just not very good at relationships) and I logically know that and that sways my opinion a lot. I was just thinking this morning actually that I think I like our relationship more now than I ever have. I feel like he's more honest with me and things are just a lot more calm and easy as friends.

[lilyblue]

I don't think this is a good thing....what if you never hear back from your ex?

I feel that this could be "misleading" when people feel the most vulnerable because to me..this is sort of giving me the hope that I will hear back from him someday..and I might not. I really doubt this applies to everyone..though I have head from two previous ex bf's...this is certainly not a rule.

 

I think that sometimes hope isn't a bad thing at this stage though - at least not for me. If I think to myself "I'm never going to hear from him again" I get really depressed. If I think maybe someday things will work out (not necessarily get back together, but we will at least talk again) then I am able to calm myself a little and not spend so much time sad. It's just a mind game, I know, but sometimes I'm just looking for something that helps even a little.

[M2155]

I've heard from all serious exes regardless of who broke up. But there was never a bad breakup and it's nice to say hi and see that they are having a nice life. If there were no hard feelings during breakup, then yes it can be a lot of fun.

 

I'd consider the recent ex more of a bad breakup since he just disappeared. If I were him, I probably wouldn't contact me again, at least not until he knows I've moved and won't have to risk feeling bad. You can deal with guilt without confessing it to the person you hurt. Because of the person I think he really is, an ego who will be curious to know if I survived without him, I'm sure I'll hear from him down the road in life but it won't matter at that point when you're not affected. For me it's been like hearing from any other long lost friend eventually. Besides, it's a small world (here anyway), he can easily know what's up with me without having to contact me.

Edited December 8, 2011 by M2155

[sunflower11]

I think that sometimes hope isn't a bad thing at this stage though - at least not for me. If I think to myself "I'm never going to hear from him again" I get really depressed. If I think maybe someday things will work out (not necessarily get back together, but we will at least talk again) then I am able to calm myself a little and not spend so much time sad. It's just a mind game, I know, but sometimes I'm just looking for something that helps even a little.

 

I understand lilyblue...but for me..nothing good comes out of thinking I will hear from him someday. After the way he hurt me, he better not come back into my life again.

 

I was just saying sometimes it is best not to have any expectations.

[mike588]

I can somewhat agree that somewhere down the road an ex. may try to return.

 

If the B/U wasn't to ugly and there wasn't any cheating/beating involved and their new relationship didn't work out isn't it just human nature to seek out someone who loves/loved you in the past,, someone you have a history with and feel comfortable with?

 

Their intentions may not be true but as humans we all need/want to love and be loved.

[stunned8165]

I can somewhat agree that somewhere down the road an ex. may try to return.

 

If the B/U wasn't to ugly and there wasn't any cheating/beating involved and their new relationship didn't work out isn't it just human nature to seek out someone who loves/loved you in the past,, someone you have a history with and feel comfortable with?

 

Their intentions may not be true but as humans we all need/want to love and be loved.

 

 

Mine cheated and now is suddenly showing up on my way home and has even called on that 6 moth mark. That really has me so baffled today about this 6 month mark thing. It was like clockwork. So weird..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309568/

[mike588]

Mine cheated and now is suddenly showing up on my way home and has even called on that 6 moth mark. That really has me so baffled today about this 6 month mark thing. It was like clockwork. So weird..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309568/

 

If the 6 month thing is true I've got 2 more months to prepare.lol

[stunned8165]

If the 6 month thing is true I've got 2 more months to prepare.lol

 

Hahaha.. But mike, your situation sounds different. In my case, the schmuck she is with now, might just be another you. No offense buddy and thats from my heart because I feel for ya. But yours went back to her ex. The ex before you right?

[ZimboGon]

I understand lilyblue...but for me..nothing good comes out of thinking I will hear from him someday. After the way he hurt me, he better not come back into my life again.

 

I was just saying sometimes it is best not to have any expectations.

 

I feel the same way sunflower. My girlfriend and i broke up about a month ago, and i kept holding onto this hope she would realize that she made a huge mistake and come back. Unfortunately, she left me for another man (whom is a huge jerk) and they have been together for a few weeks now. Despite everything she did, i still hope one day she will come back. Its just, i hold onto this hope and everytime something negative happens it hurts much worse. However, there are some pretty hard feelings from our break-up. She lied to me, and i caught her in bed with the guy. I'm busy juggling my feelings of love for who she used to be, and my hatred for how she took me for granted and discarded me.

Edited December 8, 2011 by ZimboGon

[mike588]

Hahaha.. But mike, your situation sounds different. In my case, the schmuck she is with now, might just be another you. No offense buddy and thats from my heart because I feel for ya. But yours went back to her ex. The ex before you right?

 

Hey I'm not a schmuck,lol. Yes she went back to the ex. before me.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I can somewhat agree that somewhere down the road an ex. may try to return.

 

If the B/U wasn't to ugly and there wasn't any cheating/beating involved and their new relationship didn't work out isn't it just human nature to seek out someone who loves/loved you in the past,, someone you have a history with and feel comfortable with?

 

Their intentions may not be true but as humans we all need/want to love and be loved.

 

My first breakup (ex gf was the dumper) it was ugly but she came back and we mended things a year later as friends. My current breakup was also pretty bad. It was hard for me to accept and she turned very mean/cold. She also got mad at me for going on dates right away and also seeing me out kissing another girl (tough luck for her). I also didn't fully respect her need for "space" because I was upset. It just wasn't good all around and we both contributed to it. Very similar to my first ex who did eventually come back. I still believe even if it was bad they tend to still come back. The only exceptions would be the cheating/beating like you said......Sometimes it just takes years to hear from them again, by that time you are over them.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I feel the same way sunflower. My girlfriend and i broke up about a month ago, and i kept holding onto this hope she would realize that she made a huge mistake and come back. Unfortunately, she left me for another man (whom is a huge jerk) and they have been together for a few weeks now. Despite everything she did, i still hope one day she will come back. Its just, i hold onto this hope and everytime something negative happens it hurts much worse. However, there are some pretty hard feelings from our break-up. She lied to me, and i caught her in bed with the guy. I'm busy juggling my feelings of love for who she used to be, and my hatred for how she took me for granted and discarded me.

 

I feel the same way with my current ex