devil moth Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I have certain conditions for my future marriage... and I'm sure they are all reasonable; that it be only a family and close friend wedding and that it be in August (because it's my favorite month.) Anyways, well... I've been with my man a little bit over a year.. but we've loved each other over 2 years.. he's still in highschool though (He's 17.) and even though we are both young, we really want to get married. We truly believe we are going to be able to spend our lives together. Well, Dillon is turning 18 in July this year... and I hope to be graduated from Job Corps by June. We don't want a huge wedding.. something casual that doesn't cost much. (We are completely nontradiational too.. neither of us really want rings :/ ) He still gots another year of high school after this one though... and I'm not sure how the school would be able to take him being married during his last year of highschool.. (but he doesn't really care......) I want the best for our relationship, but at the same time.. I want to make it official. I feel like we are kinda already married already as it is... we just need the stupid paper that says we are. I just don't know what to do... help?
O'Malley Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Why do want to make it official, since you think it's a piece of paper? Do you feel that your commitment would feel more significanct if you were married? A high school friend married when she was 17. I tried to be supportive of her, and her husband has always been a great guy, but the primary impetus for their marriage was so that she could escape from a very unhealthy family situation. I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't a great reason to get married. Youthful relationships and marriages lasting long term are very large exceptions to the rule. I've known plenty of other people who married their high school or college partner, and they are now divorced. Marriage before you have lived on your own and are able to fully support yourself is something I would not recommend. The reality is that people mature, but they don't necessarily mature in compatible ways, and may come to a crossroads when the foundation of the earlier relationship simply isn't there anymore. Perspectives can radically change throughout your twenties. It's hard to see that when you're eighteen but I think you'll understand this for yourself as you gain adult experiences. There's nothing wrong with sharing your lives for now, accomplishing your job and/or educational goals independently and possibly other goals mutually. In another five or six years, if you both still feel the same about each other and legalizing your commitment, then go for it. Edited December 8, 2011 by O'Malley
CarrieT Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 If you get married, I can absolutely guarantee - 100% - that by the time you are 30 years old, you will have wished you waited. People grow and change SIGNIFICANTLY between the ages of 20 and 30. In a sense, they gel into becoming the people they will become; you are just becoming that person now and don't even know your full potential. And to attach yourself to someone who isn't fully who they are yet either can be very problematic. Read these boards extensively of people who got married young and are learning they are changing so much that while they still love the person they married, they are not "in love" or they feel towards them like they would a sibling. I beg you to hold off. And if you do get married, print out this thread and put it away for a decade. Take it out and re-assess where you are and be assured you were forewarned by those who have been where you are and know better.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) It's better to wait to get married when your in your 30's. I married when I was 24. We dated and lived together 22 months before we married. My ex-wife and I split when I was 34, and she was was 33. This experince has taught me that people change and their feeling towards others. Studies have shown that marriages last longer when people marry in their 30's. In your 30's your are established and know where you want to live. You already have a house or an apartment, and you are established with your career. You are also ready to settle down and have a family. Divorce is the worst thing you can go thru and it's even worse when children are involved. I been thru it. Dealing with a death wasn't this bad especially when your the one being left. I heard the words "I don't love you anymore". I lost my house, my credit is in the toilet, and my divorce cost me almost 10,000 dollars. I have to live with my parents for a year to recover financially. Learn from my experience. Please don't make the same mistake I did getting married too young. Edited December 8, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
creighton0123 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 You should watch you some Mamma Mia. You both are very emotionally intense. While that is not a bad thing, you need to ask yourself what is it about the word 'marriage' that makes you both want it so bad? This is the best advice I can give: Wait. Now I'm not saying that you should wait five years or more. Another year or two will be best. Marriage - particularly civil marriage - is no small step since it is the establishment of a very secure (and sometimes expensive to break) legal bond between the two of you. Meet the following requirements: 1. Graduate from your perspective schools or programs 2. Travel some together 3. Become financially independent to the point where he can support himself and you can support yourself. 4. Both of you save up a little nest egg of your own money. I'd say you both wait until you're at least 21.
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 You guys are little kids who dont understand yet what marriage means. Please dont get married, let alone have a baby anytime soon because chances are you and your baby are just going to end up on welfare sooner or later.
oaks Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I want the best for our relationship, but at the same time.. I want to make it official. I feel like we are kinda already married already as it is... we just need the stupid paper that says we are. If you introduce each other as your boyfriend/girlfriend to everyone and you don't date other people then your relationship is official already. It's a relationship. If you think a marriage certificate is a "stupid paper" then I'm not sure you're ready for that next step! Anyway, wait until he's graduated from high school. If either of you plan to go to college/university or some other ongoing education then wait until you've both graduated from that as well, and probably wait until you've both got stable income (tricky in the current economy, I know). Also, good luck, you'll need it!
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