irc333 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 .....this post was inspired by the "Can the average guy really get a date" post. It seems women, once they get familiar with me, and sometimes it's not too long, when I ask them out...it's always, "Sure, but we can go out as friends" Some guys would say, "Do it, go out with her, have a good time, don't worry about the whole date thing" Others would say, "No, don't do it man...man up, take charge, and clarify you WANT it to be a date!" Past few women I've had responses, and this is REAL life thing, nothing online. Her: "You mean like a date?" Me: "Of course" Her: "Sorry, but I'm not looking to date right now, but would like to go out as friends." Another one actually said she was seeing a guy romantically, but would love to go out as friends, too. Any guys have these experiences....women just saying "Lets go out as friends"? AND have you gone out "as friends" or just left her be (which is probably what she's hoping anyway? lol) I think they are trying to throw that out at you, as a question, to see if you decide NOT to even go out with her at ALL.
oaks Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Any guys have these experiences....women just saying "Lets go out as friends"? Yes, and my interpretation is that it's an ambiguous statement by itself. It can mean any of: "I realise that you're trying to ask me on a date and I'm simply not interested.""You seem pretty cool and I really think I could like you as a friend.""I don't want to call it a date because that's too much pressure, too much expectation, and conflicts with my own insecurities." My suggestion when faced with this is as follows: If you might be interested in genuinely becoming (or remaining) friends with a woman who says this then take it at face value and go, but remember that friends split the check (or take it in turns) and friends don't go for a kiss at the end of the evening. Or, if you are only interested in dating a woman who says this (ie you aren't looking for her to be your friend) then say something like "no, I was really asking you on a date. If you're not interested then no harm no foul." Your other course of action is to say "sure" and then treat it as a date the whole time and hope she meant it the 3rd way. I wouldn't recommend this unless you're a confident dater (especially since we've already established that she isn't).
DearAbby Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 The only reason I would say "as friends" because I already qualified the guy as someone I would not date.
Cypress25 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 It means she's not interested in dating you and she's trying to soften the blow of rejection.
carhill Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Who's 'friends' with someone they just met? Within that question is advice for a man never to become friends with a woman he wants to date. Fuggetabout 'over time'. OP, IMO, better not to wonder why but rather to just politely decline their offer. Trust me, they won't be hurt or offended at all.
jobaba Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Yes. But usually they break it to me after the date(s) for whatever reason. It's just another rejection. Put it behind you and full force ahead.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 What you think will happen: Friends then romantic relationship What will actually happen: She dates someone else while you cry In fact she's probably not even going to end up being your friend anyway.
creighton0123 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 If you perceive yourself as being average, you will only ever be average. Stop it. Learn to recognize that no one is average. Everyone is exceptional. Until you can do that, most people will pick up on that and see you as average as well.
somedude81 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 It's absolutely retarded for a woman to go out as friends with men they know are interested. Does she expect the man to just turn off his attraction for her? Or are they so weak, that she is hoping he will turn down her offer for friendship, that she will feel that he rejected her?
Saxis Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 They say it to clarify that they're not interested, but they'll abuse your interest and still go for the attention and night out at your expense.
Desensitized Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I've never had this happen to me, but if you want something more, I personally wouldn't go out as friends. But that's just my take on it. I suppose you could go out on a date as friends, but you would want more, whereas you will most likely end up getting hurt if she is picked up by some random guy at the bar.
jobaba Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 What you think will happen: Friends then romantic relationship What will actually happen: She dates someone else while you cry In fact she's probably not even going to end up being your friend anyway. Amen... One woman who friendzoned me has become one of my best and most reliable friends so it can happen, but the others, some of whom I spent a lot of time with could probably care less if I got hit by a bus. Meanwhile, I'm holding on to a shred of hope that she'll develop interest and if not 'wishing her well' in future romance. *Slaps himself in face* Interesting side note about the friendzone for men... I think I've mentioned this before, but if you have spent a ton of time with a woman alone, being in the friendzone is not really that much different than being a relationship. You're sharing intimate things, just not having sex or physical touch. I have had relationships with women that have friendzoned me that were greater than with women I've dated. Of course, I'm sure THEY haven't thought about it that way.
oaks Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 If you perceive yourself as being average, you will only ever be average. Stop it. Learn to recognize that no one is average. Everyone is exceptional. Until you can do that, most people will pick up on that and see you as average as well. Creighton, you could post that in about half the threads in here most days and it would be entirely relevant. (but they still won't listen )
grkBoy Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I stand by the two choices: a) Politely decline her offer of friendship and tell her you want to date her, not just "friends only". If she asks the usual "How can you expect to be my boyfriend if you won't be my friend?" You reply with "I'll bet money if you met a guy you're really into, you wouldn't ask him to be 'just friends' at first." b) Give up any possible notion that you will ever become "more" with her, and just be her friend. If she later cries and laments on how there are no "good men" out there, ignore it or change the topic. If she later or down the road (after getting burned by a few guys) suddenly wants to try more with you, reject her. Only thing a man shouldn't do is to be friends with a woman he wants to date under the hope that she'll "come around". It's the same thing for women who sleep with a guy repeatedly hoping he'll commit to her.
dasein Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 It's just women's way of saying "your wants and desires don't matter, mine do." Only a moronically naive or totally self-absorbed person would ever suggest "LJBF" to someone who has expressed romantic interest by asking them on a date. The quality few will simply say they aren't interested and leave it at that.
carhill Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 The quality few will simply say they aren't interested and leave it at that. IME, this, and the version most often heard by myself is 'I don't feel 'that' way about you'. Ironically, historically, it has been some of those who have gone on to become good, healthy friends. Maybe it's not so ironic after all
Nexus One Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Being friends with women, sure. But sometimes a man needs a lover and not a friend. So if you're romantically interested in her, yet she friendzones you, then my advice is to move on and not waste any more time on trying to win her over. Personally I wouldn't want to hang around a woman who friendzoned me, only to see her get involved with other men, while she knows I have/had a romantic interest in her. I'd be open to an agreement, that as soon as she or I starts to date someone, then we part ways, but I wouldn't want to stick around beyond that point. I'd be open to emotionally nurture a friend, male or female, but not a female I had a romantic interest in who is f*cking someone else. It simply means her "partner" isn't attending to her needs and she's trying to get me to do it instead, yet she keeps f*cking him. It would be nothing short of using me, while she continues to stay in an unfullfilling relationship. I'd be willing to be there for genuine friends, but not for people who willfully engage in broken relationships while trying to use me to patch their emotional wounds, all the while they'd know I had/have feelings for her and thus looking to exploit that. Also OP, you should be clear to women. You can say things like: - I'd like to take you out on a date - I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your lover (or 'I want to be more than friends, I want to date you') I thought that by now you'd want avoid all the ambiguous stuff and that you'd be clear about what you want. If she doesn't want to date, then that's a signal to move on. Because after all, you're looking for a lover. You can't keep accumulating hordes of female friends when in fact you're actually looking for love. Friendzoning is a way to go easy on you when she rejects you. You know that. Edited December 8, 2011 by Nexus One
BeyondtheClouds Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 IME, this, and the version most often heard by myself is 'I don't feel 'that' way about you'. Ironically, historically, it has been some of those who have gone on to become good, healthy friends. Maybe it's not so ironic after all What events / activities occurred between you and these women that made you decide that you were finally good friends?
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 They say it to clarify that they're not interested, but they'll abuse your interest and still go for the attention and night out at your expense. Isn't that the truth! If a woman says she doesn't wanna be your lover but a friend, that means she just wants an extra guy around to boost her confidence.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Who's 'friends' with someone they just met? Exactly. Friendship is something that develops naturally over time; it's not something you can pull out of thin air. She does not want to date you, nor does she want to be your friend (in the true sense of that word). But she sure as hell does not mind an ego boost and a free dinner.
ThaWholigan Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Girls like to go out with you as friends for so many reasons that it doesn't even make sense trying to figure out why. I've been on friend dates all the time, sometimes the girl's been interested, other time its just friendship. Nobody's got a free dinner out of me though, I'm broke as **** . Go dutch..... I don't put stock in those kind of scenarios, I just enjoy myself now.
Cypress25 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 It's absolutely retarded for a woman to go out as friends with men they know are interested. Does she expect the man to just turn off his attraction for her? No, she expects him to take the hint and leave her alone. She'd probably be surprised if he said "OK, let's go out as friends then!" She didn't really mean it when she said it, she was just being polite. The only exception is if they were already friends before the man expressed a romantic interest in her. Then she probably is sincere about wanting to stay friends with him, because no one wants to lose a good friend.
Author irc333 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 "I don't want to call it a date because that's too much pressure, too much expectation, and conflicts with my own insecurities." I wanted to point this out, I have this mid 40's male friend that's single. He tells me this philosophy all the time, and this is how he does it. He gets invited out by this group of female friends and they have a wonderful time with him. They basically have familiarized themselves with HIM through social circles and outings/networking. HE even says, don't even ask a woman out on a date, just ask her out for a "fun and enjoyable time" with no worries of the dating pressures or worrying about having to "make your move" her , stuff like that. Just "be her friend" and let things flow naturally. Took a while, but now I think he's seeing a woman. He makes it sound like he is actually OK with being FZ'ed, and had a different perspective on interacting with women. He said with women being empowered as they are, that's the kind of approach a man MIGHT have to take. A NON-threatening approach to begin with.
Wolf18 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I think I've mentioned this before, but if you have spent a ton of time with a woman alone, being in the friendzone is not really that much different than being a relationship. You're sharing intimate things, just not having sex or physical touch. I have had relationships with women that have friendzoned me that were greater than with women I've dated. Of course, I'm sure THEY haven't thought about it that way. This is actually quite true. The two women I've allowed to "friendzone " me for any appreciable amount of time felt more like girlfriends than the women ive slept with . It's pretty dumb when you think about it.
Necromancer Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 It´s just a rejection,she never really was interested.....it´s funny how women can call you their friend but still they are just using you for ego boost and ****. This is after a woman: I have said to men that maybe we'd be better as friends ~ and actually meant "not if you were the last person on this earth and I was struck down with nymphomania would I take you home" So.....NEXST!
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