Should I give up or try again?

[soulm8]

I know it sounds bad for me to apologize but I did feel in part it was my fault for not coordinating things earlier and leaving things to the last minute. I know it sounds like see is stringing me along but from my experience it seemed pretty legit. As for place and time we got that all nailed down but I'm not taking this all too serious until it actually happens. Until then it is just going to be a wait and see kind of thing.

 

Excellent news! (but tone down the apologies!)

[rman28]

Excellent news! (but tone down the apologies!)

 

Will do and thanks again soulm8 for all your help! I shall keep you guys updated as things progress.

[Pizzaman81]

In for the update. I'm rooting for you buddy

[rman28]

So today was the study "date" And it all started like this. As I mentioned before we had set up a date and time the last time I asked her and yesterday I found out that I would not be able to make it at that exact time. So I texted her "Hey ***! I hope your finals went well! Anyways I was wondering would it be a problem if we met up a little later like around 2:30? Just let me know! :)" where she then immediately replied "Hey I actually was gonna text u today because my final is not till two Tom it should prob only take an hour but wish would work great!!" Where I then replied her basically "Haha that's actually perfect for me then I won't have to rush but take your full time if you have to don't worry I can wait" following a text with "Just text me when you're done I'' be waiting in the library" where she immediately replied "Ok awesome !!!"

 

So here came today and I basically waited for five minutes before she showed up, alone and look gorgeous. At first I thought this was perfect and then she let me know that she invited her friend too to come study with us and right then I was just bummed out. A friend, another girl I know that she sits with in class but another person nonetheless. The study session went great, it was really productive and fun. I tried not to come off upset but I was I was not sure if she invited a friend because she was uninterested or because she really wanted to study with her or she just didn't want it to be awkward.

 

So after a couple of hours of studying, she had to run home to beat traffic and she was tired and I was also ready to just jet out. Before she could just jet out I asked where she parked and I told her wait up for me I'll walk with her because I was parked in the same place. It was a quick walk from where we were and where we were parked so not much talking could be done. I took her to her car and I just asked, to let her know I was still interested I told her hey maybe if you aren't busy this weekend maybe we can hangout and go catch a movie in which she replied, I wish I could remember it word for word but I was kind of dazed "Yeah sure just not this weekend, just text me!" Where I replied ok for sure, I said bye to her and she said bye back and I shut her car door for her when she sat down.

 

Now I am lost. Interested? Uninterested? When I asked her to hang out she did say text me but I much rather have a date arranged in person you know. I don't know if I should wait for her after our exam tomorrow and just get some closure or should I just go along with it and text her to hangout next Friday? Time is running short and I just don't know what to do! Help me soulm8! Lol

[Dust]

Real men don't apologize. Make some real moves!

 

Asking some one to study is an oportunity to make a move. You havn't made any moves though.

[rman28]

Real men don't apologize. Make some real moves!

 

Asking some one to study is an oportunity to make a move. You havn't made any moves though.

 

Haha but I didn't apologize at all this time! Plus how could I have made my move with her friend being there! I thought I would have her alone! I did my best to express my interest during the study session but there is only so much I could do since our exam is tomorrow. The best move I could make was to ask her if she wants to hangout so I am just stuck there.

Edited December 14, 2011 by rman28

[Dust]

Haha but I didn't apologize at all this time! Plus how could I have made my move with her friend being there! I thought I would have her alone! I did my best to express my interest during the study session but there is only so much I could do since our exam is tomorrow. The best move I could make was to ask her if she wants to hangout so I am just stuck there.

 

If you were Aladin you'd show up outside her palace act like you were jumping off the roof when she rejected you then fly her around on a magic carpet...

 

Look man work with what you got. Don't make excuses. Be bold. Touch the girl. Really feel her out. Let your inner creep out and make some moves. Be romantic.

[jobaba]

So today was the study "date" And it all started like this. As I mentioned before we had set up a date and time the last time I asked her and yesterday I found out that I would not be able to make it at that exact time. So I texted her "Hey ***! I hope your finals went well! Anyways I was wondering would it be a problem if we met up a little later like around 2:30? Just let me know! :)" where she then immediately replied "Hey I actually was gonna text u today because my final is not till two Tom it should prob only take an hour but wish would work great!!" Where I then replied her basically "Haha that's actually perfect for me then I won't have to rush but take your full time if you have to don't worry I can wait" following a text with "Just text me when you're done I'' be waiting in the library" where she immediately replied "Ok awesome !!!"

 

So here came today and I basically waited for five minutes before she showed up, alone and look gorgeous. At first I thought this was perfect and then she let me know that she invited her friend too to come study with us and right then I was just bummed out. A friend, another girl I know that she sits with in class but another person nonetheless. The study session went great, it was really productive and fun. I tried not to come off upset but I was I was not sure if she invited a friend because she was uninterested or because she really wanted to study with her or she just didn't want it to be awkward.

 

So after a couple of hours of studying, she had to run home to beat traffic and she was tired and I was also ready to just jet out. Before she could just jet out I asked where she parked and I told her wait up for me I'll walk with her because I was parked in the same place. It was a quick walk from where we were and where we were parked so not much talking could be done. I took her to her car and I just asked, to let her know I was still interested I told her hey maybe if you aren't busy this weekend maybe we can hangout and go catch a movie in which she replied, I wish I could remember it word for word but I was kind of dazed "Yeah sure just not this weekend, just text me!" Where I replied ok for sure, I said bye to her and she said bye back and I shut her car door for her when she sat down.

 

Now I am lost. Interested? Uninterested? When I asked her to hang out she did say text me but I much rather have a date arranged in person you know. I don't know if I should wait for her after our exam tomorrow and just get some closure or should I just go along with it and text her to hangout next Friday? Time is running short and I just don't know what to do! Help me soulm8! Lol

 

Good job man! Way to go balls out. You're getting sh@t done. It might not seem like it. But you're going through the motions and playing the numbers game.

 

Whatever you do, don't let her know you like her in plain English. You don't really know her yet, so that would be weird. Seems like a date is a possibility, so pursue that.

 

You have to not care about the final result though. After all, remember you don't really know her. So don't get attached. It might sound weird to you, but what about her friend? Any interest in her?

[rman28]

Good job man! Way to go balls out. You're getting sh@t done. It might not seem like it. But you're going through the motions and playing the numbers game.

 

Whatever you do, don't let her know you like her in plain English. You don't really know her yet, so that would be weird. Seems like a date is a possibility, so pursue that.

 

You have to not care about the final result though. After all, remember you don't really know her. So don't get attached. It might sound weird to you, but what about her friend? Any interest in her?

 

How can it be a good job? She bought her freaking friend and then at the end of the day when I asked her to hangout she said not this weekend just text me. It might not have came out in an uninterested way but to me, text her? So she really expects me to text her next week to hangout? Or is she just uninterested I mean she bought her friend dude. I mean she was extremely dressed up today, more than usual and more than her friend, but I might be reading too much into it.

[rman28]

If you were Aladin you'd show up outside her palace act like you were jumping off the roof when she rejected you then fly her around on a magic carpet...

 

Look man work with what you got. Don't make excuses. Be bold. Touch the girl. Really feel her out. Let your inner creep out and make some moves. Be romantic.

 

But how can I now? I never even got her alone...

[Dust]

But how can I now? I never even got her alone...

 

Some times you have to awkwardly ask people out in front of other people. Also don't get so into some girl you don't really know.

 

Knowing some one from a far and knowing a person on a one on one basis are very different.

 

You need to cast a wider net Romeo.

[rman28]

Some times you have to awkwardly ask people out in front of other people. Also don't get so into some girl you don't really know.

 

Knowing some one from a far and knowing a person on a one on one basis are very different.

 

You need to cast a wider net Romeo.

 

I mean I do know her, I've known her since the start of the quarter and we always talked during our labs. So it's not that I don't know her. The only reason I started doing this was because I was getting signals from her that she was interested. Usually if I don't get any signals I back off even if I am infatuated. And tomorrow is our final and I don't know what I should do. Text her next week to hangout? Wait for her after our exam and ask if she wants to grab some starbucks (although I don't think I will that seems a bit desperate)? I just want a sign that she is interested or if she is not...

[Dust]

I mean I do know her, I've known her since the start of the quarter and we always talked during our labs. So it's not that I don't know her. The only reason I started doing this was because I was getting signals from her that she was interested. Usually if I don't get any signals I back off even if I am infatuated. And tomorrow is our final and I don't know what I should do. Text her next week to hangout? Wait for her after our exam and ask if she wants to grab some starbucks (although I don't think I will that seems a bit desperate)? I just want a sign that she is interested or if she is not...

 

You said you already got a sign she was interested. Look you're suposed to be the one interested and trying and she is supposed to be the one rejecting you or not rejecting you.

 

That is the order of things. No way for you to avoid that chance of rejection.

 

And no you don't "know" her. The small talk you've made during class doesn't count as knowing her any more then I know the people at work who I never do anything but work with.

 

Just go for it man. Ask her to dinner and then have sex with her. Come on here when your done and tell us how great she looked naked.

[rman28]

You said you already got a sign she was interested. Look you're suposed to be the one interested and trying and she is supposed to be the one rejecting you or not rejecting you.

 

That is the order of things. No way for you to avoid that chance of rejection.

 

And no you don't "know" her. The small talk you've made during class doesn't count as knowing her any more then I know the people at work who I never do anything but work with.

 

Just go for it man. Ask her to dinner and then have sex with her. Come on here when your done and tell us how great she looked naked.

 

Haha! Dust! I wish I could I really do but this is just my reality. Sure it might only have been "small talk" but then again I got these signals and her number? +1 for progress right? Then I got this supposed to be study date, +2 for progress. She shows up with her friend in the same class, +/-1?, and when I asked to hangout she said not this weekend and to text her +/-1? Dude all I really want to know if what to think of this current situation that's all. Are these pluses or minuses? Is she interested or is she not? The thing is I just don't know and I am lost. I need so reasonable guidance, emphasis on REASONABLE. I want to text her next week and ask her to hangout on friday but then again I want to do something tomorrow but not come off desperate just as interested. Why does this have to be so complex!

[jobaba]

How can it be a good job? She bought her freaking friend and then at the end of the day when I asked her to hangout she said not this weekend just text me. It might not have came out in an uninterested way but to me, text her? So she really expects me to text her next week to hangout? Or is she just uninterested I mean she bought her friend dude. I mean she was extremely dressed up today, more than usual and more than her friend, but I might be reading too much into it.

 

It's a good job because you're courageously pursuing women instead of sitting around whining about it. Women rarely have the guts to shoot a man down straight up.

 

One time I made out with this girl all night at a party and asked if she would go home with me. She said yes. We rode in separate cars and my friend gave her a ride. Last second, she told my friend to drop her off at home.

 

I emailed her later and asked if she would have dinner that week. She said yes. Then, like two hours before the dinner, she flaked.

 

Get used to it man.

 

It's up to you when you want to give up. Some guys chase for months. Some guys chase for years. My buddy just got a girl to marry him that he chased for 10 years! Get my point?

[rman28]

It's a good job because you're courageously pursuing women instead of sitting around whining about it. Women rarely have the guts to shoot a man down straight up.

 

One time I made out with this girl all night at a party and asked if she would go home with me. She said yes. We rode in separate cars and my friend gave her a ride. Last second, she told my friend to drop her off at home.

 

I emailed her later and asked if she would have dinner that week. She said yes. Then, like two hours before the dinner, she flaked.

 

Get used to it man.

 

It's up to you when you want to give up. Some guys chase for months. Some guys chase for years. My buddy just got a girl to marry him that he chased for 10 years! Get my point?

 

I know but thats the thing I lack patients... and I fear that after tomorrow I won't even see her again. I just don't want to lose this opportunity without having some sort of sign or closure to know if I should progress or ending things. I really want to do something tomorrow to let her know I am still interested but don't want to come off desperate. Let me just make this clear this is the first girl I have ever been interested in two years and thats something special to me. I had no intentions this year to find a girl, start dating or having a relationship. She just sparked something in me to do all these things I never did before. She really is special and I just don't want this opportunity to go without me knowing I tried and these are the results. So far I got the trying but no results.

[jobaba]

I know but thats the thing I lack patients... and I fear that after tomorrow I won't even see her again. I just don't want to lose this opportunity without having some sort of sign or closure to know if I should progress or ending things. I really want to do something tomorrow to let her know I am still interested but don't want to come off desperate. Let me just make this clear this is the first girl I have ever been interested in two years and thats something special to me. I had no intentions this year to find a girl, start dating or having a relationship. She just sparked something in me to do all these things I never did before. She really is special and I just don't want this opportunity to go without me knowing I tried and these are the results. So far I got the trying but no results.

 

I understand man. I was in a similar position just a couple of months ago. Way worse than you. Unfortunately for you and I, it's a bad position to be in. Getting attached to a woman too soon that is.

 

Judging from your posts, you're not in a position to do something real bold, so I'd do something like this. Go up to her tomorrow, pull her aside in the parking lot like you've been so effectively doing and say,

 

"Hey look. It might be kind of awkward to you, but I think you know I kind of like you. I know we don't know each other that well, but I think you're really cool. And I think you would think I was real cool too if you just gave me the chance. Let me take you out to dinner this weekend. What do you think?"

 

Try that...

[rman28]

I understand man. I was in a similar position just a couple of months ago. Way worse than you. Unfortunately for you and I, it's a bad position to be in. Getting attached to a woman too soon that is.

 

Judging from your posts, you're not in a position to do something real bold, so I'd do something like this. Go up to her tomorrow, pull her aside in the parking lot like you've been so effectively doing and say,

 

"Hey look. It might be kind of awkward to you, but I think you know I kind of like you. I know we don't know each other that well, but I think you're really cool. And I think you would think I was real cool too if you just gave me the chance. Let me take you out to dinner this weekend. What do you think?"

 

Try that...

 

I love that but here is the thing, sorry for making this more complicated than it should, I already asked her tonight if we could hangout or catch a movie this weekend (showing some interest) and she said not this weekend but to text her. So I know she is busy this weekend for sure so asking for dinner this weekend def not gonna happen. Plus, again, I don't want to come off desperate you know like I have to get her because I can't get anyone else. I would love to do exactly that just not give off the wrong vibe.

[jobaba]

I love that but here is the thing, sorry for making this more complicated than it should, I already asked her tonight if we could hangout or catch a movie this weekend (showing some interest) and she said not this weekend but to text her. So I know she is busy this weekend for sure so asking for dinner this weekend def not gonna happen. Plus, again, I don't want to come off desperate you know like I have to get her because I can't get anyone else. I would love to do exactly that just not give off the wrong vibe.

 

Ok, I see. Missed that part.

 

Just do the same thing I said but change this weekend to next weekend.

 

See. You're afraid that if you let her go after class and text her sometime next week, she'll never respond, you'll never see her again and you don't want to go out like that. You want to go down in flames. I understand. This will give you closure. Plus ... it's a really ballsy thing to do and that might just impress her enough to agree to the date.

[soulm8]

rman! Too bad she brought along her friend ... but... that's not necessarily a bad sign. Sounds like you handled it really well considering. I can't remember how old you two are, but it's possible she invited her friend for a couple of reasons:

 

1. to test you - see how you react to the curve ball and go with the flow... some guys let on their disappointment and kind of pout (and it's unattractive!)

 

2. she's a little nervous to be alone with you (?) - have you been alone much? Are your conversations easy and flowing or a little awkward?

 

There's nothing wrong with casually telling her you'll be in touch! However, as your gut is telling you, don't appear desperate. Remember... you have her number! She has also explicitly invited you to text her. Girls don't encourage texts from guys they want to avoid.

 

Be cool... let her be this weekend.

 

I forgot to comment on how "special" she is. Please try to balance that feeling with reality! She's not "special" unless/until she's your girl.

Edited December 14, 2011 by soulm8

[rman28]

Last night I was restless that I could not stop thinking about the situation. I did not want to bottle it up so I decided to write I a letter to her that I had no intention to actually give it to her. I was a pretty lengthy one page letter where I basically wrote I thought I should let you know something before I kick myself for not being able to ever tell you this. Then I went on to say how after all these years of not look for someone that when she came along everything changed and made me build up the courage to do something about it. I then said even though we really don't know each other that I liked her and was interested in getting to know her. There was a lot of other stuff too like how I rather have done this in person but I did not want to waste her time and that how I would like to hangout with her next week. I even mentioned that if she did not feel the same way then I would hope we could be or become friends. Where I then said that I will text you next week and if I don't hear a reply that I pretty much got the message.

So what did I do with this letter? I let me stupid little heart actually give it to her. Now not in person though. Today was our final and I finished early and on the way to my car I passed by hers where I slipped in under her windshield wiper nice and tight where she could see it. And now I am stuck in a situation not knowing if she got the letter or not and if she did how come I am not hearing anything back. Guys I just think I pretty much screwed up everything by letting my heart out in that letter and actually getting it to her. Should I still text her next week to ask her to hangout? Should I except some sort of response from her from the letter? I know one thing for sure is that I am not going to text her to ask if she got it. Heck I am planning to actually lie low for awhile. Someone please help me...

[soulm8]

I did not want to bottle it up so I decided to write I a letter to her that I had no intention to actually give it to her.

 

Great idea... and in future, I highly recommend writing out your feelings like that FOR YOURSELF - do not send these letters. Romance is awesome, but it's so much better and less worrisome when you know the girl likes you back or is your girlfriend.

 

I thought I should let you know something before I kick myself for not being able to ever tell you this.

rman!! I don't understand why you keep mentioning this sense of urgency you feel. Why do you think you have to act on your impulses or else you're going to miss out on something? My best guess is, she's not a foreign exchange student, so she must be "hot"? If you don't lock her down, some other guy will? If some other guy is able to distract her from you... then she's not for you.

 

OK, so we have to assume she got your letter. Since you don't know her very well, that was a dangerous thing you did. For all you know, she could be sharing it with her friends and laughing. Let's hope she's not like that. Those were personal thoughts you shared with her that no girl should ever know at least not until she's been your girlfriend for a while and has proven herself 'worthy' of such knowledge. I'm referring to your hoping to be friends if nothing else, and being afraid of "wasting her time". What about YOUR time? So far, if any time wasting is happening... it's on her end.

 

I will text you next week and if I don't hear a reply that I pretty much got the message.

Hold yourself to that. Please!? As a matter of fact... now that you've basically put your heart on your sleeve, I would suggest you NOT contact her UNLESS she replies favorably.

 

Should I except some sort of response from her from the letter? I know one thing for sure is that I am not going to text her to ask if she got it. Heck I am planning to actually lie low for awhile. Someone please help me...

You know her better than we do, but I will say her response will be very telling. I'm wishing you the best rman. I hope she's a good girl.

[rman28]

Yeah I know what I did was not for the best, I was not thinking and I only realized what I had done when it was too late. Although she is attractive Honestly I am not rushing this because I think she is hot and some other guy will snatch her away. As for urgency soulm8 you are right, there is a sense or urgency. And it is not the urgency that I am trying to get her as quickly as possible but instead it is the urgency to know whether it is worth my time to pursue her or not. I never came into the school year with the intention of looking or finding someone for a single purpose: I did not want anything to interfere or distract me from my education. Trust me this whole thing has been distracting me to much which is why I probably did what I did for some sort of closure or to get something going. My whole intention was not to play a game to gauge her interest but to just simply put it out there to her that look I like you and I am interested in you to want to get to know you however if you don't feel the same I would like to just move on and not waste my time. It really has nothing to do with her, it has to do with my selfishness. I am honestly not trying to come off desperate, all I really wanted to do was to make something happen that's all. As much as I know I screwed up by doing this I am kind of glad I did. I do intend on texting her in the middle of next week just so I know if I get a respond its on and if I don't there is nothing there and its time to move on with my life.

[soulm8]

the urgency to know whether it is worth my time to pursue her or not.

 

"Look I like you and I am interested in you to want to get to know you however if you don't feel the same I would like to just move on and not waste my time."

 

The jury's not out yet as to whether you blew it or not. You'll know by her response, or lack of one.

 

We learn by making mistakes and by taking risks, rman. Next time, keep in mind you don't have to spill your guts to get the answers you need. Had you said the quote above (your own words), you'd be in a better position... getting the answer you want with your dignity in tact.

[rman28]

The jury's not out yet as to whether you blew it or not. You'll know by her response, or lack of one.

 

We learn by making mistakes and by taking risks, rman. Next time, keep in mind you don't have to spill your guts to get the answers you need. Had you said the quote above (your own words), you'd be in a better position... getting the answer you want with your dignity in tact.

 

Thank you soulm8 you have been very supportive of me throughout this whole ordeal I wanted to know how much I truly appreciate your time and care to help me out! With that in mind, since I have still yet to receive a response since I gave that letter, I am guessing I should just wait and text her next week to give it a go since I already mentioned in that letter basically that if she doesn't reply that I would pretty much assume she is uninterested. What say you? I know you said before to lay low and not to even communicate with her at all but as I have yet to receive a response I figure that is the best way...