The "No Facebook-Stalking Exes" Zone: Serious Business

[Jono85]

Ok, so it's not so serious business, but I'm beginning to think it's more important than one might think (than I thought anyway).

 

Basically I wanted to start this thread as a challenge to everyone, including myself. It's an accountability thread. Whoever wants to partake can.

 

Basically I've been 11 months NC from my ex, but I still stalk her facebook profile pics (I did delete her when we broke up, but her profile pics are public). I guess I'm finding that I still think about her daily (yes, pathetic), and that facebook stalking her is doing me no good. It IS an addiction. I've tried many times to stop, and longest I've gone was less than a couple weeks lol.

 

So starting tomorrow, December the 8th, there will be ZERO visiting her profile from me. I will come back to this thread periodically for a bit just updating the day count lol (corny, but oh well).

 

If anyone else wants to partake, it would be great! If no one cares to, I don't mind either.

 

Btw, I'm relying on the good ol fashioned honor system here. I would be doing a disservice to myself lying about it, and would gain nothing, especially since I don't know any of you. I have no issues with admitting I failed and starting again; but I WON'T!!

Edited December 7, 2011 by Jono85

[coltsfan1]

The best way to avoid "stalking" is to just turn off your fakebook. It may seem extreme but after about 5 months of not having a fakebook account I have decided that for me i don't need it. Anyone I truly want to speak with or catch up to I can call, email, or hunt down through mutual friends.

 

Not a guarantee to work just my simple advice and opinion.

[orbiting]

^ I agree with the above, that's always an option. Either deactivate your FB entirely, or put a block on the actual URL of her profile. I'm not 99% sure that works for Facebook profiles.. but it could very well, as it does work for other sites.

 

Or just.. sit down for a moment, be honest with yourself and realise that it just is not worth it. I don't know your situation, I don't know anything about why you two have not been together for 11 months.. but Jono, it has been 11 months. Do you think she's still looking at your profile? Do you think she's emotionally struggling and debating whether to still check? Whenever you feel the urge to look, just remind yourself it is not worth it. She doesn't have any power over you anymore.

 

---

 

I'm very sorry if all of that seemed a bit harsh/bitter; I'm going through a break-up, and am in somewhat of a similar situation. I run a website that has a tracking program installed which lists who (country, city, IP address) is visiting the site. Even despite not having spoken a word to each other since early October, my ex-boyfriend has been checking said website -- which has absolutely nothing to do with his personal interests -- at least twice a day: once right after he wakes up and at least once more before he goes to bed. He does it to this day. I realise that isn't the same as your situation, per se, but it kind of is. I may not be checking any website that has to do with him .. but I check to see whether he looked at mine. Everyday. It recently got to the point where I noticed I was checking this page upwards of ten times a day (yeah, I know..) and missed him even more when I saw that he had "only" checked twice or three times. That said, it was literally this morning when I suddenly realised enough was enough. That's why I felt compelled to reply to your post/commend you on deciding the same. I deleted the program that tracks visitors and I swore to myself I will not re-install it. I don't want to know whether he's thinking of me, and I do not want to think of him. Just cannot do it anymore.

[Jono85]

^ I agree with the above, that's always an option. Either deactivate your FB entirely, or put a block on the actual URL of her profile. I'm not 99% sure that works for Facebook profiles.. but it could very well, as it does work for other sites.

 

Or just.. sit down for a moment, be honest with yourself and realise that it just is not worth it. I don't know your situation, I don't know anything about why you two have not been together for 11 months.. but Jono, it has been 11 months. Do you think she's still looking at your profile? Do you think she's emotionally struggling and debating whether to still check? Whenever you feel the urge to look, just remind yourself it is not worth it. She doesn't have any power over you anymore.

 

---

 

I'm very sorry if all of that seemed a bit harsh/bitter; I'm going through a break-up, and am in somewhat of a similar situation. I run a website that has a tracking program installed which lists who (country, city, IP address) is visiting the site. Even despite not having spoken a word to each other since early October, my ex-boyfriend has been checking said website -- which has absolutely nothing to do with his personal interests -- at least twice a day: once right after he wakes up and at least once more before he goes to bed. He does it to this day. I realise that isn't the same as your situation, per se, but it kind of is. I may not be checking any website that has to do with him .. but I check to see whether he looked at mine. Everyday. It recently got to the point where I noticed I was checking this page upwards of ten times a day (yeah, I know..) and missed him even more when I saw that he had "only" checked twice or three times. That said, it was literally this morning when I suddenly realised enough was enough. That's why I felt compelled to reply to your post/commend you on deciding the same. I deleted the program that tracks visitors and I swore to myself I will not re-install it. I don't want to know whether he's thinking of me, and I do not want to think of him. Just cannot do it anymore.

 

It's okay. The harshness is already realized by me. I DO know it's pathetic, which is why I'm starting this and hopefully will be more accountable by making it a bit public. Maybe just as a way to formalize this challenge, and track it. Again, I know even that is pathetic in and of itself, but if it helps, I don't care. I also know she most likely doesn't check my page, and never believed she did. Believe me I understand the serverity of the situation lol. I've even have a girlfriend for the last 4-5 months, so it's not like I'm pining and not moving on with my life, but it still affects me by thinking about her more than I should.

 

I'm glad you chose to uninstall the program, as it seems very similar to the facebook stalking. You'll undoubtedly heal much faster by not keeping tabs with anything like that.

 

Thanks for sharing and good luck.

[Jono85]

The best way to avoid "stalking" is to just turn off your fakebook. It may seem extreme but after about 5 months of not having a fakebook account I have decided that for me i don't need it. Anyone I truly want to speak with or catch up to I can call, email, or hunt down through mutual friends.

 

Not a guarantee to work just my simple advice and opinion.

 

I do enjoy facebook though, for what it is. I'm not going to get into the pros/cons of facebook or why I like it, but I think I have the power to just resist checking her page, and completely move on, before needing to delete facebook. We'll see though.

[coltsfan1]

I deleted my profile because my breakup was very complicated. It was easier to just do with out my profile then start deleting/blocking mutual friends. (Not really mutual friends I soon came to find out.)

 

Like I said it was only my experience & not everyones. I just feel like my life runs fine without it. Took a few weeks to ween myself off it but glad I have now. I will not turn it back on till I am in a completely faithful relationship.

 

And don't feel bad about the time I am well over a year out and I still think about my ex. I just came to the conclusion that we don't need to be together or be friends, hell I won't even share friends.

[smudge21]

Pretty much same for me, in that I can still see her profile pic via mutual friends. Weird that December 1st was the day I decided to avoid it all and so far so good.

 

What hasn't helped me is a so called real friend (not just a Facebook friend) decided to add my ex and chat to her but keep it secret from me... nothing like a knife in the back when you're trying to heal!

[coltsfan1]

Smudge- that person IS NOT a friend!!! Treat that person like cancer and cut them out. That is a betrayal period. I cut mutiple people out for the same reason, a person like that doesn't respect you. Turn a cold shoulder to them and let them hurt someone else.

[Fufu]

Without Facebook, you won't have the feeling to see.

 

So I believe the best for you now is to stop your facebook account temporarily and concentrate on your other priorities in life.

[Jono85]

Day 5

 

honestly i haven't even missed it so far and i really think after a month or two of this, i will have made huge strides. That being said I've been very busy in these last few days, so that might be a reason why it's been easy.

 

i know it seems like common sense, but never thought that simply checking her FB profile pics would have been such a huge factor in being unable to completely get over her. i'm excited.

[BigDumbFoot]

Hi! I pretty much had to get rid of facebook about 2 months ago. My friends have been giving me flak for it, but I feel like it's one of the best things I've done. Facebook is such a waste of time and life. So many people that I know just spend hours and hours looking at pictures of people they don't even know; don't you think there's something weird about that? I do miss the chat feature. I have friends who I have no contact with besides through facebook. But the lack of it just forces me to be social in real life, so that's really a positive. I may go back one day, but I'm not super eager to right now. Something about seeing her profile pictures changing all the time let's me know that she's just living her life as if nothing has changed, despite the fact we were together for a long ass time and now I'm completely out of her life.. I can't take seeing that, and I don't know how anyone else can.

[Jono85]

Day 5

 

honestly i haven't even missed it so far and i really think after a month or two of this, i will have made huge strides. That being said I've been very busy in these last few days, so that might be a reason why it's been easy.

 

i know it seems like common sense, but never thought that simply checking her FB profile pics would have been such a huge factor in being unable to completely get over her. i'm excited.

 

Ok so I must have been very tired when I wrote that, b/c that was only Day 3 lol. sigh.

 

Today is Day 6

 

I'm not going to lie I'm getting massive urges to check her page. I've been fighting them off though.

 

Part of the problem is I just wrote my exam last week and I'm unemployed right now. I'm so bored. I need to get out of the house and do things!

 

So only 6 days so far, but I'll see if I can make it another week before I update lol. Baby steps.

[Jono85]

Hi! I pretty much had to get rid of facebook about 2 months ago. My friends have been giving me flak for it, but I feel like it's one of the best things I've done. Facebook is such a waste of time and life. So many people that I know just spend hours and hours looking at pictures of people they don't even know; don't you think there's something weird about that? I do miss the chat feature. I have friends who I have no contact with besides through facebook. But the lack of it just forces me to be social in real life, so that's really a positive. I may go back one day, but I'm not super eager to right now. Something about seeing her profile pictures changing all the time let's me know that she's just living her life as if nothing has changed, despite the fact we were together for a long ass time and now I'm completely out of her life.. I can't take seeing that, and I don't know how anyone else can.

 

 

Yeah man, that's exactly what it is. She's just living her life, looks so happy and beautiful in her pictures, and that's what sucks. Even though we haven't talked in sooo long, deep down I always expected/hoped she would reach out to me at some point. So hopefully eliminating my facebook creeps all together will help me eventually start to realize that she's solely a small piece of my past and that's all.

[youngster]

The best way to avoid "stalking" is to just turn off your fakebook.

 

what message do you guys think this sends to the ex? Yes, I know I'd be deactivating my account for my sake. We're not friends on fb at the moment and both profiles are blocked.

 

In my situation, the only benefit would be to kill the pathetic temptation to look at her profile pic LOL but, I am mildly concerned that deleting my account is only affirming that I am weak for her, and will stroke her ego.

[youngster]

I HATE FACEBOOK! I don't even know how to deactivate my account. Right after sending that last post, I went to delete my page, but cant figure out how to do it. It must be a sign! We're meant to be!!!

 

Okay, found it.. bye bye facebook

Edited December 15, 2011 by youngster

[Codez]

Yeah man, Facebook is a killer. Looking at her profile and pictures will definitely bring your healing to a halt.

 

When we broke up I 'unsubscribed' from her and all her friends feeds. That way, she can see my stuff but I can't see anything of hers. There are no notifications to anyone when you do this.

 

The only thing you have to be strong about is not visiting her profile.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

yea I tried to reactive my facebook account and looked at her deviant art on the 3rd of dec and found out a nasty fact about a friend re-establishing contact with her, even though she said she didn't like her.. and just wondering what that was all about hurt a lot more than not knowing at all ( it's her choice whether or not she's friends with her Idm if she is but the fact that she's really hypocritical and said some pretty frank things about her then doing a 180 against those words and becoming friends with her.. I just don't feel I can trust that so called friend you know... fine be friends with my ex, but don't lambast her behind her back when your around me then be fine with her when your not.. sorry Iam going off on one). but yea basically re-deleted my facebook account and stopped looking at my ex's deviant art, since the 5th of dec, so its the 15th today so 10 days since I've stoped again ( went nearly 2 months previously w/o any acknowledgement of my ex's exploits..) and now after learning that little lesson I intend to stick to it..

[Jono85]

yea I tried to reactive my facebook account and looked at her deviant art on the 3rd of dec and found out a nasty fact about a friend re-establishing contact with her, even though she said she didn't like her.. and just wondering what that was all about hurt a lot more than not knowing at all ( it's her choice whether or not she's friends with her Idm if she is but the fact that she's really hypocritical and said some pretty frank things about her then doing a 180 against those words and becoming friends with her.. I just don't feel I can trust that so called friend you know... fine be friends with my ex, but don't lambast her behind her back when your around me then be fine with her when your not.. sorry Iam going off on one). but yea basically re-deleted my facebook account and stopped looking at my ex's deviant art, since the 5th of dec, so its the 15th today so 10 days since I've stoped again ( went nearly 2 months previously w/o any acknowledgement of my ex's exploits..) and now after learning that little lesson I intend to stick to it..

 

 

glad to see there's others fighting the fight as well. i started on the 7th so i'm a little behind you, this is day 8 for me.

 

it's much harder than I would have thought. I guess even though I was in NC for 11 months (in terms of contact with her) I was only fooling myself by thinking checking her facebook every couple of days would not have hurt. I've wanted to check several times, just to see her face (she was the most beautiful ex I've had, big brown eyes..) but I've been resisting, and very strict with myself. I'd like to get to at least a few months. I think once I get a job, it'll be much easier.