somedude81 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Ya, that brings us to the other problem. Approach Anxiety aka "i will be rejected every single time" syndrome I have that syndrome, but it's not anxiety. It's more like, "I know I'm going to get rejected by everybody, so why bother?" I'm the kind of person who doesn't see a point in trying something when I know I can't do it. Though I may have an issue with underestimating my potential and give up before I really try.
Cypress25 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 How about actually comparing two guys who are roughly as attractive as each other, but one is 5" shorter. The girl would never choose the short guy. She would if she prefers short guys. It's simply not true that all women prefer tall guys. Deal with it. Even Cypress, who claims "not to care" and be open, at 5'1 will only date guys 5'7 and up (lol). Did I say that? No, I said I prefer men who are around 5'7". That doesn't mean I wouldn't date anyone shorter. As I said in a previous post, my last ex was just under 5'7" and I currently have a crush on a guy who's 5'5". I would date him if he didn't already have a girlfriend. And I have an upper limit for height. I wouldn't want to date a guy who's over 6 feet tall. Even 6 feet is pushing it. I actually do care about height, in that I have a strong preference for short guys. I suppose I wouldn't want to date a guy who's shorter than 5'4" but that's so rare, I don't even have to worry about it. The problem a lot of guys seem to have is they hear a woman express a preference, and they think it's an absolute requirement for her. Like when I said I prefer guys around 5'7" and two posters here thought I meant 5'7" was my minimum requirement for height, that I absolutely wouldn't date a man shorter than that under any circumstances. Why did you jump to that conclusion? Why didn't you assume the opposite, that I wouldn't date a man taller than 5'7" under any circumstances? That's closer to the truth, as I'm more likely to write a guy off for being too tall than for being too short. And for all those women who do prefer tall guys, that's not a requirement set in stone either. It's just a preference, and preferences are flexible. If a girl says she likes 6' guys, does that mean she won't date a 5'11" guy? Of course not, she wouldn't even be able to tell the difference. So relax, no one has these rigid requirements for their partner's height. Some people prefer short, some people prefer tall, and some people don't care either way.
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I have that syndrome, but it's not anxiety. It's more like, "I know I'm going to get rejected by everybody, so why bother?" I'm the kind of person who doesn't see a point in trying something when I know I can't do it. Though I may have an issue with underestimating my potential and give up before I really try. I'd say this IS an issue. I have the problem too. However, I know that if I give it a go, I can do it. I try not to believe in can't. We do have to pull ourselves together and at least try, even if getting shut down hurts, but really if we do it right, we'll never get shut down, there are ways of getting dates and relationships that we overlook, its not as simple as just saying, "lets go out on a date". It's not like back in the day when you do the typical asking out and courtship and all that. We're doing it wrong I feel.
somedude81 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 She would if she prefers short guys. It's simply not true that all women prefer tall guys. Deal with it. Never in my life, have I ever heard a woman say she prefers short guys. From what I've read, most women want a guy who is at least 4-5 inches taller than her. Her height determines what men she's interested in. In other words, the only women who would be interested in me, would be 5'1 or under. And even then, those women still date tall guys. A few months ago I was starting to get to know a 5'1 girl in my dance class. We went out for lunch once and I was planning on asking her out. Along comes the big class dance party, and she shows up with a guy who is at least 5'11. The fu*ker didn't even know how to dance. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the class.
Cypress25 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Of course I can ask out 100 women at a party but I'd be lucky if 1 said yes. Conversely, a woman may only get hit on my 20 guys, and all she has to do is decide yes or no. And if the woman actually decides to be more aggressive, there is no limit to what she can get. I don't know why you think all women get hit on constantly or that aggressive women can get any guy they want. In my experience, at any bar/club/party scene, all the guys focus on the few gorgeous girls in the room and ignore the rest. There's nothing wrong with the other girls, they're pretty or cute, have great personalities, etc. But the majority of women don't stand out as stunningly beautiful, so they fade into the background. No one hits on them because all the guys are too busy hitting on the 3 unattainably gorgeous girls who stand out from the crowd. Try this. Next time you're in a place like that, scan the room and pick out the girls you'd like to flirt with. You'll notice them right away. Then look around at all the other girls that you didn't pick. Why did you overlook them? Because they're all overweight? I don't think so. I think you'll see a bunch of perfectly normal, average-looking girls (maybe some of them are even cute, on closer inspection) that you didn't notice because they didn't elicit a "Wow!" reaction from you. And if you overlooked those girls, chances are everyone else did too.
jobaba Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Never in my life, have I ever heard a woman say she prefers short guys. From what I've read, most women want a guy who is at least 4-5 inches taller than her. Her height determines what men she's interested in. In other words, the only women who would be interested in me, would be 5'1 or under. And even then, those women still date tall guys. A few months ago I was starting to get to know a 5'1 girl in my dance class. We went out for lunch once and I was planning on asking her out. Along comes the big class dance party, and she shows up with a guy who is at least 5'11. The fu*ker didn't even know how to dance. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the class. Yea, it doesn't matter how short they are. My sister is barely 5 feet and dates guys who are like 6'2". I've been rejected by a bunch of women in between 4'9" and 5'2". And I'm a few inches taller than that. It's more about finding the non shallow woman. My last girlfriend was my height or an inch taller depending on who you ask. Put it this way. If you are 5'6", the chances of you finding a girl who is 5'6" and will date you are probably not too much less than finding a girl who is 5'1" to date you. It's stupid and it doesn't make sense, but that's how it is...
ThaWholigan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) I don't know why you think all women get hit on constantly or that aggressive women can get any guy they want. In my experience, at any bar/club/party scene, all the guys focus on the few gorgeous girls in the room and ignore the rest. There's nothing wrong with the other girls, they're pretty or cute, have great personalities, etc. But the majority of women don't stand out as stunningly beautiful, so they fade into the background. No one hits on them because all the guys are too busy hitting on the 3 unattainably gorgeous girls who stand out from the crowd. Try this. Next time you're in a place like that, scan the room and pick out the girls you'd like to flirt with. You'll notice them right away. Then look around at all the other girls that you didn't pick. Why did you overlook them? Because they're all overweight? I don't think so. I think you'll see a bunch of perfectly normal, average-looking girls (maybe some of them are even cute, on closer inspection) that you didn't notice because they didn't elicit a "Wow!" reaction from you. And if you overlooked those girls, chances are everyone else did too. I hear girls bring up this scenario all the time and it is never usually like that in my experience. There are usually only few girls that get ignored, and that is usually because they are just as socially awkward as some of us. The irony is that even when you talk to her, sometimes she doesn't really want to know, and you'd actually get a better response from one of the other girls in the club. Situations like that are never black and white, although I appreciate where you are coming from. It just takes the confidence and attitude to say "f**k it" and talk to women, regardless of the outcome. Edited December 9, 2011 by ThaWholigan
Cypress25 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Never in my life, have I ever heard a woman say she prefers short guys. I'm a woman and I prefer short guys. There you go. (For the record, I'm not the only one. I have many petite female friends, and they would all be happy to date a man your height.) A few months ago I was starting to get to know a 5'1 girl in my dance class. We went out for lunch once and I was planning on asking her out. Along comes the big class dance party, and she shows up with a guy who is at least 5'11. The fu*ker didn't even know how to dance. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the class. So you're jealous and bitter, and you expect women to swoon over that? You act like this girl did something wrong. She didn't do anything wrong, she's just dating a guy who happens to be tall. Why are you punishing her for that? I can almost guarantee that she's not dating him just because he's tall. I mean, I prefer short guys, but a few years ago I had a boyfriend who was 5'10". Why? Because I liked him! It would have been nice if he was a few inches shorter, but I liked everything else about him, so I accepted his height just like he accepted my imperfections. You can't take it personally every time you see a short girl with a tall guy.
jobaba Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Try this. Next time you're in a place like that, scan the room and pick out the girls you'd like to flirt with. You'll notice them right away. Then look around at all the other girls that you didn't pick. Why did you overlook them? Because they're all overweight? I don't think so. I think you'll see a bunch of perfectly normal, average-looking girls (maybe some of them are even cute, on closer inspection) that you didn't notice because they didn't elicit a "Wow!" reaction from you. And if you overlooked those girls, chances are everyone else did too. Yea. I've been that guy to go up to average women and below and get shot down in flames. You see, men in the bar scene aim low in order to get lucky. Women in the bar scene aim up because they are not just going to go home with anybody. I've seen women who were maybe a 5 or a 6 throw themselves at really good looking guys and score.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) Do you even know what you are talking about? Yes, I do. I do exactly what you claimed you wouldn't do if you were taller--I restrict myself to tall women. Last time I was dating I limited myself even farther than that--I limit myself to dark hair (brown or black), long hair, 5' 10" or taller, and thin. Last six women I dated were 6' 1", 5' 10", 5' 11", 5' 9", 6', and 6'. I limit myself to that pool because even as small as it is, i.e. a few dozen or a few hundred women in the 1.2 million person metropolitan area I live in, I find success in it. If I ever date again, I'll be limiting myself even further in a way that will cut my already-small pool by about two-thirds. The pool you expressed interest in who would themselves date a shorter-than-average guy is MUCH larger than the one I limit myself to...but you've got the handicap of low confidence preventing you from being who women want you to be. Or maybe you've got other attraction handicaps besides height you haven't mentioned--if that's the case, I apologize for harping on your height fixation alone. The key is knowing how to make people like you, how to make them laugh, how to make a woman wet with creative, confident conversation. I keep asking you about Neil Strauss and you keep ignoring it--he's got ten times the skill I do at attracting women and he's your height, and quite possibly less attractive than you are (do a Google image search on the name and decide for yourself)--with similar confidence problems to the ones you express here--but he stopped whining and worked on what attracts women. Height isn't at the top of a woman's list--personality is first, and confidence is second. Height is COMPLETELY negotiable if you have the first two things they're looking for. I know for sure my current girlfriend would rather be dating someone taller than myself--but I don't care, because I know why she likes me anyway--because I'm super-freaking-likable, at least when I set my mind to it, which I usually try to do when I'm around her. Edited December 9, 2011 by EnigmaticClarity
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I'm the kind of person who doesn't see a point in trying something when I know I can't do it. Though I may have an issue with underestimating my potential and give up before I really try. This is the absolute ESSENCE of a lack of confidence, and the watering-down effect it inevitably has on personality serves to repel women about as much as if you were covered in dog ****.
somedude81 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I'm a woman and I prefer short guys. There you go. (For the record, I'm not the only one. I have many petite female friends, and they would all be happy to date a man your height.) Being happy to date, is not the same as preferring. When one is presented with two options, they will chose the one that most matches their preferences. You'd prefer to date men 5'7-5'9 which is basically the low end of average to average height. If you actually said that you prefer to date men 5'2-5'7 then that means you'd prefer to date short guys. So you're jealous and bitter, and you expect women to swoon over that? You act like this girl did something wrong. She didn't do anything wrong, she's just dating a guy who happens to be tall. Why are you punishing her for that? I can almost guarantee that she's not dating him just because he's tall. I mean, I prefer short guys, but a few years ago I had a boyfriend who was 5'10". Why? Because I liked him! It would have been nice if he was a few inches shorter, but I liked everything else about him, so I accepted his height just like he accepted my imperfections. You can't take it personally every time you see a short girl with a tall guy.Surprise, I am jealous and bitter. A tall guy, can date a girl of pretty much any height, and I can basically only date short girls. So when a tall guy is with a short girl, it's almost as if he's taking her away from me, and the pool of available women for me is small enough as it is. I can't handle any competition. I wish there was some kind of bro-code where the tall guys would leave the short girls alone. But as I said before, most men don't care about height. Yes, I do. I do exactly what you claimed you wouldn't do if you were taller--I restrict myself to tall women. Last time I was dating I limited myself even farther than that--I limit myself to dark hair (brown or black), long hair, 5' 10" or taller, and thin. Then that is your choice and thank you. I'll be limiting myself even further in a way that will cut my already-small pool by about two-thirds. The pool you expressed interest in who would themselves date a shorter-than-average guy is MUCH larger than the one I limit myself toIt's still an arbitrary self-limitation. It's like a woman who only wants to date black lawyers, saying that it's hard for her to find a man to date. I'm happy to date women from 5'0 to 5'9. I'm not going to impose a height limit because that will drastically limit the number of women that I could date. Few enough women would date a short guy, why make that number even smaller? The key is knowing how to make people like you, how to make them laugh, how to make a woman wet with creative, confident conversation. I keep asking you about Neil Strauss and you keep ignoring it--he's got ten times the skill I do at attracting women and he's your height, and quite possibly less attractive than you are (do a Google image search on the name and decide for yourself)--with similar confidence problems to the ones you express here--Strauss is a PUA. From what I've read, his confidence issues never even approached what I have. I've also had clinical depression my entire life. Also Neil's been around and learned from many gurus. Mystery, Juggler, Tyler Durden I actually met Tyler and took one of his workshops a few years ago but it didn't really do anything for me. Everything he taught focused out on getting women in bars and clubs, which is just not my area. All I've ever wanted to do was date girls I meet at school, work, or campus clubs.
Johnny85 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Personally, I am very attracted to shorter women. And besides, while being slim and taking care of yourself is important for both men and women, I think that most people base their physical attraction on one's face more than on one's body. Just my 2 cents! As long as a guy isn't >5"2 and takes care of himself, I don't see what the huge fascination with height is....
Content Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Im 5'8 and the women most intersted in me have been arounbd my height or a little taller Ironically its usually really short women or women a few inches shorter then me whove been the most nasty about ripping me for my height
Tybalt Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 While I like being a bit over 5'9" I do believe it has had some impact on my dating success in the past. It was another aspect of myself, like my slender build, that made me feel insecure. As a result, I never dated or even kissed a guy until well out of high school. Now, it's just another part of who I am and I like that person. I've dated taller and shorter men. Have some of men in my adult life overlooked me because of my height? Probably, though I haven't had anyone say so explicitly to my face. Are there other men out there who find me attractive as a combination of all my traits, height included? Sure! So, I am going to focus on them. My experience has been that if people can get to a place where they like themselves, "flaws" and all, and are focused on pursuing passions, good health, and a good life, then it doesn't seem to matter so much if people "reject" them for whatever surface reason. This has been the case for me and friends I've talked to about this. I'm not saying it eases all the loneliness of singlehood, but it certainly makes life more enjoyable not to worry about all the people who don't want you.
phillyfan Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Dude I hear u, I love the short girls, like 5 foot 2 or sumthin, all my girlfriends hav been littl....dam cute. Not sayin the tall girls aint hotties but its just my thing.
Cypress25 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Being happy to date, is not the same as preferring. When one is presented with two options, they will chose the one that most matches their preferences. But they do prefer short guys. Why do you think I'm lying? You'd prefer to date men 5'7-5'9 which is basically the low end of average to average height. If you actually said that you prefer to date men 5'2-5'7 then that means you'd prefer to date short guys. Seeing as how 5'10" is considered average for a man, 5'7" is considered short. I'd go as low as 5'5" without a problem. Of course I don't rule out average-height guys, because that would severely limit my options. I do rule out very tall guys though. You're right, I wouldn't want to date a super-short guy, but I don't know where I'd find one anyway. I apologize if I'm being insensitive to the 0.2% of the adult male population who are shorter than 5'4". A tall guy, can date a girl of pretty much any height, and I can basically only date short girls. So when a tall guy is with a short girl, it's almost as if he's taking her away from me, and the pool of available women for me is small enough as it is. I can't handle any competition. No one is taking anyone away from you. You make it sound like another guy seduced your girlfriend and stole her from you. But that's not what happened, is it? You never had the girl in the first place, so how could she be taken away from you? I wish there was some kind of bro-code where the tall guys would leave the short girls alone. But as I said before, most men don't care about height. I don't think that would help you anyway. If a girl likes a guy, she's gonna want to date him. Bro-code can't stop that.
Mrowka Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'd love to hear some stories to back that up. I am a 6'5 girl and i do agree average height guys would always ignore me. They would think I am real pretty but because of my height they would not date me. To me height dosent matter. But i do agree it is hard for a girl that is really tall to find a guy that will love her for her and not be intimidated by the height.
Mrowka Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 Well the problem here is... a tall woman can always find a taller man. A short man, can always find a shorter woman... but then she might be a midget. You see the problem? End of thread not true, even tall guys would not want to date me.
Wolf18 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm sorry to hear tha Mrowka, but you must realize that a 6'5 woman is quite extreme. I can see you having some trouble over that, but if you are only open to guys that are taller than you you're going to have very slim pickens. I still believe a 6'5 woman , while having difficulty for sure, will always have a better chance than an equivalent man (say, a 4'9 male).
ThaWholigan Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 not true, even tall guys would not want to date me. I met an athlete who's famous in England, she was 6 foot 5, and I thought she was hot, I actually wanted to approach her, but I chickened out. She was guest starring in one of my Dad's plays. I sympathise with you though, I can understand how that must be difficult, I've met really tall girls who had difficulty dating.
Mrowka Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I'm sorry to hear tha Mrowka, but you must realize that a 6'5 woman is quite extreme. I can see you having some trouble over that, but if you are only open to guys that are taller than you you're going to have very slim pickens. I still believe a 6'5 woman , while having difficulty for sure, will always have a better chance than an equivalent man (say, a 4'9 male). I actually do not like guys that are taller then me. And i am currently dating a guy that is 5'8. He is my first and been with him for over 2 years. But i do agree that its been hard before him. I would go on dates and guys would find me atractive but once I stood up everything went down the hill.
Mrowka Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I met an athlete who's famous in England, she was 6 foot 5, and I thought she was hot, I actually wanted to approach her, but I chickened out. She was guest starring in one of my Dad's plays. I sympathise with you though, I can understand how that must be difficult, I've met really tall girls who had difficulty dating. Thats what my bf tells me that he would have never approach me in like a club because he thought I would not be intereasted in a guy shorter then me. So if i were you I would have approached her not all tall women are evil and only want guys taller then them. If she would reject you oh well there are other girls out there.
Wolf18 Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I actually do not like guys that are taller then me. And i am currently dating a guy that is 5'8. He is my first and been with him for over 2 years. But i do agree that its been hard before him. I would go on dates and guys would find me atractive but once I stood up everything went down the hill. I see, well good for you. I think a 5'3 guy willl have more trouble getting opposite sex attention than a 6'5 woman. Biggest problem with tall girls (especially that tall) is I always just assume they would reject me in a millisecond (I am around your boyfriends height).
Mrowka Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 I see, well good for you. I think a 5'3 guy willl have more trouble getting opposite sex attention than a 6'5 woman. Biggest problem with tall girls (especially that tall) is I always just assume they would reject me in a millisecond (I am around your boyfriends height). thats what really aggravtes me about girls my height that the first thing they look at is how tall a guy is. Why not give someone at least a chance. I was actually surprised that my bf even wanted to talk to me when he saw me for the first time and was not intimidated.
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