Ncb89 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Here is my situation. In the summer my best friend, had her good guy friend and me meet. We all went out together one night, and me and him hit it off right from the start. We started talking about a week after and are now "seeing" each other, so its been about 3 months. I had just gotten out of a 1 1/2 relationship upon meeting him, so I wasn't looking for a serious relationship then, and am still not looking for that at the moment, and that is something he also is also happy with. We have a relaxed relationship, and let the chips fall where they may, but there is one huge obstacle that I just can't ignore. His ex. He had dated his ex for about 3 years, she cheated on him, broke his heart..the whole 9 yards. They still fooled a little bit after that because I think he was in denial of knowing she cheated. Its been about a year and a few months since they "officially" broke up after she cheated, but now shes calling him/texting him begging for him back telling him she made a huge mistake and has figured it all out now and loves him. He is honest with me and tells me that sometimes it crosses his mind that maybe she has changed but knows that it could never work if he got back with her because he'd always be thinking she was cheating and the trust is not there anymore. He assures me I have nothing to worry about. When I ask if he answers her texts he told me he has sometimes because she pulls the "im depressed and lonely I need someone to talk to" and because hes kind person he'll answer her, and then she'll all of a sudden start talking about how she wants him and basically manipulates him into getting into a conversation with her. I am so into him, he treats me so well when we are together and I can tell we have something special, but its like theres this barricade between us that won't let us just fall into eachother and I feel that thats his ex. I haven't felt this way for someone in such a long time and I am terrified. It is causing a huge obstacle and we are not exactly at the level where I can say "its either me or her" we are long distance at the moment (he goes to school about 2 hours away) which makes it even harder because who knows if hes calling and chatting her up when I leave from seeing him. I trust him, and I know he tells me the truth, and I am 100% sure he has strong feelings for me, but I just can't let go of how I think he misses his ex and how I'll just look like an idiot if he winds up leaving me for her. I dont want to be impulsive and end it because, I have found something special. Or should I? Thanks
ditzchic Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Have you talked to him about it? If it's really something special you should be able to voice your concerns to him and see what he says. If he refuses to communicate with you about it, then you have your answer. Guys aren't mind readers as much as we would like them to be. Maybe he thinks you are cool with the situation since you're acting cool about it. Just tell him the truth. Tell him how you feel. See if you can work it out together. If you can't, it's better to know now that you don't have the ability as a couple to work through the important issues.
FrustrationSetsIn Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 ..I wasn't looking for a serious relationship then, and am still not looking for that at the moment, and that is something he also is also happy with. We have a relaxed relationship.. I can tell we have something special, but its like theres this barricade between us that won't let us just fall into eachother and I feel that thats his ex. I chose those parts of your problem because the rest of it is just fluff. The problem isn't with his ex girlfriend.The barricade is that you claim you aren't looking for a "serious" relationship. So of course he talks to his ex girlfriend, of course he probably falls for her stuff. Why should he act all serious in a relationship that you don't want to take serious? The barricade isn't his ex, the barricade is the lack of seriousness in the relationship. So right now, the chips are falling where they may.
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