jobaba Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) The thread on unconditional love brought a thought to my mind. People 'ashamed' of their dates, BF/GF, and husbands/wives. I know a friend of a friend. Let's call her Edna. Edna is a very successful doctor and was dating Jacques, whom she met in medical school. Jacques might not have been the best looking guy but was by no means hideous and he was also a successful doctor, and a pretty good guy, albeit a bit passive. Edna never showed Jacques any affection in public, and referred to him as 'her friend' in public. It almost seemed like she was ashamed they were dating. They dated for several years. The second they broke up, Edna started dating a taller, better looking guy called Chuck who was not as successful. Edna was all over Chuck from the day they met and was all over him in public everywhere they went. They lasted several months. These were not teens. They were people in their late 20s, early 30s. I know some people here have been on both sides of the fence. And I know for sure some women here have been on the advantage side. Don't ever be afraid what society thinks of who you are dating. If you are dating someone you like but are not THAT physically attracted to, be less shallow. If you can't do that then dump them . And for those on the non-advantageous side, don't be the chump that your girlfriend won't call her boyfriend even though she's been dating you for a year. I have had that done to me in the past (though not nearly to the degree above). Discuss it with them or dump them and hit the open market. Respect is important... Edited December 7, 2011 by jobaba
GoodOnPaper Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Don't ever be afraid what society thinks of who you are dating. If you are dating someone you like but are not THAT physically attracted to, be less shallow. If you can't do that then dump them. Easy to see now (in my 40s) -- not so much in my 20s. Of course, it wasn't really about what society thought of who I dated -- it was about what society thought of me. The logic trail is even if I have some undesirable social qualities (nerdiness, shyness, etc.), that's overcome in the eyes of society if I can attract a partner that is generally attractive . . . The thread on unconditional love brought a thought to my mind. People 'ashamed' of their dates, BF/GF, and husbands/wives. That's simply a sign of not being in love and will never be in love with their partner -- but still with the partner for some unknown reason. If the reason is insecurity-based, I think it's possible to be too flexible when it comes to perspective partners -- as much as a lot of guys think women are too picky -- instead focus more on who/what you love rather than who might love you.
verhrzn Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Is it possible your friend just wasn't into her previous boyfriend for reasons other than his looks, and it had absolutely nothing to do with how society viewed him? Her new bf being handsomer than her former flame might be a coincidence.
ditzchic Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 If you are dating someone you like but are not THAT physically attracted to, be less shallow. If you can't do that then dump them. But the girls that have already realized this then get reamed out by the so-called "nice guys" for being aware of who they are and what they want....
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 But the girls that have already realized this then get reamed out by the so-called "nice guys" for being aware of who they are and what they want.... Yeah, I'm definitely not one of those types. I know women don't like me, I just want everyone to stop lying and saying that "there's someone for everyone" or "anyone can find love if they really want to". It's like do you really believe that horse crap? If so, there's some ocean front property in Ohio I can sell you.
Author jobaba Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 Is it possible your friend just wasn't into her previous boyfriend for reasons other than his looks, and it had absolutely nothing to do with how society viewed him? Her new bf being handsomer than her former flame might be a coincidence. Possible, but besides the point really. The point is ... if you are dating somebody, you should show them the respect they deserve by telling society this is somebody I like and am attracted to. This is my boyfriend! If you give any less, then you SUCK, plain and simple... But the girls that have already realized this then get reamed out by the so-called "nice guys" for being aware of who they are and what they want.... Funny you chose to take the high road of the two options. Honestly, people are going to choose who they are going to choose. The next time you dump a guy because he's not attractive enough and a 'nice guy' calls you shallow, say, "Yea. I am shallow. So what. Go screw yourself" Words to live by...
ditzchic Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Funny you chose to take the high road of the two options. Honestly, people are going to choose who they are going to choose. The next time you dump a guy because he's not attractive enough and a 'nice guy' calls you shallow, say, "Yea. I am shallow. So what. Go screw yourself" Words to live by... I'm not shallow. In fact, I'm pretty deep. You don't have to look like an underwear model for me to find you attractive. But I HAVE to be attracted to you. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't find you attractive anyway? If someone thinks ill of me because I'm not attracted to them than it's pretty clear we aren't meant to be together. No harm, no foul. And in all honesty, the type of guy I'm attracted to isn't the typical macho hot party guy. I often get told that I only date guys that look like they should work for google. I definitely end up with betas more than alphas.
grkBoy Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Frankly, if you let society dictate who and what you date then you're a bigger loser than a fat dum-witted ugly guy who can't hold a conversation.
Beachgirl8 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Hmm. Ive had the opposite problem. It's been the really good looking guys that have embarrassed me in public by being dumb or rude.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Most people don't let society dictate who they date. They let their close friends and family dictate their dating partners. There are millions of people who reject others simply because their friends or family express disapproval.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 But the girls that have already realized this then get reamed out by the so-called "nice guys" for being aware of who they are and what they want.... I think we're talking about a different kind of pickiness. I remember looking around and figuring that about 3/4 of the women in my dating age range were attractive enough that there would not be a question of whether I was physically attracted to them enough. (Of course, it always ends up being someone from the other 1/4 that wants an LTR with you, but that's another story . . .) So, being the "nice guy" that I was, I slipped into the mindset that I could probably make anything work as long as the woman was in that top 3/4 in physical attractiveness and -- against all odds -- showed a little interest in me. I should have been more aware of -- and less passive about -- what character qualities interested me and been a little choosier about who I approached for dating. I think this is at least somewhat different from many women's pickiness, where the physical attractiveness filter seems to be much more strict even when they say character is more important.
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