mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Just text ex ' I want to get my stuff at weekend. can you let me know a good time. You have hurt me so much and destroyed our family' A little harsh but its what i truly feel. I will collect my stuff and make a new life. Hard but I need to make a stand for myself and not let him use me as a pawn in a game. If he wont help me with my car? Then i will just have to find a cheap mechanic, or eventually another man who can tinker with my car. Ironic this thread turned from me asking percentages of a reunion to the opposite in just two days. I'm sure he already knew how hurt you are now you just gave him more power over you. Get your stuff and don't contact him anymore,, after he sees you have moved on and don't "need him" anymore that's when you will probably hear from him. Start your new life and move on yes it may be difficult but you CAN do it and you maybe happier than you've ever known.
Author lolita jade Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 Thanks Mike, I think he needed telling so he knows it is final. I wanted to tell him why I am not accepting this behaviour anymore. Because he is a head in the sand kind of guy. He will now think 'sh*t what have I done' and when I take all my stuff out just before Christmas he will think ' sh*t I really have destroyed the family'. I will stay cool. No tears. I plan to go totally 100 per cent no contact after then. I cant go back on it at all as I know my plan would not work at all. Not to want him back but for him to realise what he has done. i will delete his phone number and not return any calls no matter how hard. I will vent on here if needs be. I will keep you all posted. Rebuild my life completely. Look after me.
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Thanks Mike, I think he needed telling so he knows it is final. I wanted to tell him why I am not accepting this behaviour anymore. Because he is a head in the sand kind of guy. He will now think 'sh*t what have I done' and when I take all my stuff out just before Christmas he will think ' sh*t I really have destroyed the family'. I will stay cool. No tears. I plan to go totally 100 per cent no contact after then. I cant go back on it at all as I know my plan would not work at all. Not to want him back but for him to realise what he has done. i will delete his phone number and not return any calls no matter how hard. I will vent on here if needs be. I will keep you all posted. Rebuild my life completely. Look after me. You need to do this because YOU want to not to make him feel "what have I done" or worry what he may feel. This about YOU now,, not him,,, your #1 now,don't forget that. It's tough I know but you can do it!!!! We'll look after you, no worries.
Author lolita jade Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 Thanks Mikey my 'old ' mate I will focus on me and try hard not to focus on him at all. I will get there. Hope this thread helps you and others too.
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Love is like a puzzle, when you and your partner are in love all the pieces fit,but when your heart gets broken it takes awhile to get everything (pieces) back together again.
twinkles Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 We are here for you Lolita. Psst I don't want to be saved by a woman either That song just tells me that even though I am feeling troubled right now the next love will raise me even higher. So I am trying to forget the past, heal and prepare myself for ...the best is yet to come and that's what I am ready to focus on. I wish I could go with you to help you pick up your stuff. Good luck and keep us posted.
Author lolita jade Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Thanks Twinks, That is a good song He is not taking me seriously as surprise, surprise, there is no response to my text. I really do find it odd that someone you have been with for so long and extremely amicable with until OW, ignores you and doesn't care if you are dead or alive all of a sudden!!! That is what hurts most of all. It is truly like the brain in his c**k has erased all his moral standards. I'll keep you posted. It would be a miracle if at some point in future I could ever forgive the way he is now.
twinkles Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Don't cry wolf..go get your stuff. Of course he doesn't believe you his ego wouldn't allow that. Just tell him when you are going to pick up your things. You don't need his permission.
M2155 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 You're expecting him to not ignore you or care if you are dead or alive. At this time, you need to change your expectations and expect nothing. If you don't expect it, you won't be as disappointed. Just like he has expected you to be there, to keep trying to be cordial to him, etc. I would send a note saying I will be by at XY date/time, can you please leave my stuff outside so I can get it, but no comments this time (I'm hurt, you destroyed family etc.. that's something he already knows and why he doesn't want to be friendly toward you). Or can you not ask one of your kids to retrieve your stuff for you?
Author lolita jade Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 I have too much stuff. I dont really have anywhere to put it that is why I didnt take it. I spoke to him this morning about it and ended up emotional. he said i could leave it there or get my stuff he doesnt care he just wants to try and move on and be happy. he is really happy etc. He denied ever being nice to me when he told me about her and said I had to get it into my head. He hasnt been happy for ages. All about being HAPPY. Everybody else is happy for him. I expect they are. is the OW brainwashing him? I dont really the sudden change?? Am I just fooling myself that he does have feelings for me that may come back after he realises?? I have booked going to stay with my cousin in Paris over the new year. So that is good news whoop whoop.
M2155 Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 The other woman is new and exciting (and after 25 years she will probably be for a while). I don't think it's crazy at all to think he may come back, but you are fooling yourself to keep hanging on to hope because there is no way YOU can be happy living with that. It will prevent you from moving on. Happy people usually don't go around announcing they are happy but again, compared to whatever he's been feeling over the past years, something new is bound to make him think he's happy...I guess I can buy that. I think your contact and emotion convinces himself of his decision and reinforces his "happiness." No couple stays happy all the time of course. Again, I think you need to distance yourself. Don't talk to him until you can do it without the emotion and even then, don't. You need to get your own life so when he comes around, you're too happy to deal with him. It'll be your choice. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. But for now, you can't worry with him. Go enjoy Paris!
Author lolita jade Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Paris will do me the world of good. My cousin is great. I feel like I am obsessing being on here. I need to maybe leave it out now and just check in every week or so. Thanks for all your help I will take head and keep you posted.
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