Fontvella Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I'm new here but I hope I can get some insight on my situation. First of all I'm a very independent woman, who at the age of 27 have lived in 4 different countries and went up the corporate ladder quite fast. By 26 I was already a multi-country area manager and making way more money than any of my friends. I also had a long term relationship and marriage plans. To anyone else I would be what you call a very successful career woman with a "perfect" life. However about two and a half years ago my father had cancer and died. This had a profound impact in me and suddenly I realized I was working very hard for all the wrong things. I was never home because of all the traveling and I started thinking if that was really the kind of life I wanted for myself. Until then I had always thought I would never want to have kids because I wanted to focus on my career and myself and on making lots of money to travel the world and buy expensive things. Superficial, I know. My father's illness and death showed me that family is really the most important thing and that life's too short to waste it in an office. I came to the conclusion that one must work to live and not live to work. And I definitely want to have kids now. By the time I came to these conclusions my then boyfriend had grown tired of not being a priority (due to it being my job) and left. It was extremely painful, as he was really an amazing person, but his decision was final and that was the end of my almost 6 year relationship. So by mid 2011 I decided I needed to make a change. I quit my job, sold what I had and decided to get a Master's Degree abroad. It was the perfect excuse to get some time off to think of where my life was heading and at the same time do something productive. I moved to Europe in September. My plan was to spend some time discovering myself, traveling and definitely NOT getting into a relationship. Well, life doesn't always go as planned. Less than 48 hours after I arrived here I met a guy at an international students party. I have to clarify that most international students are under 25. He is over 30 and I'm 27 so we kind of found each other in the party and started talking as we were the "old ones" there. We immediately clicked as he came here for pretty much the same reasons as me...the only difference is he is only here until february, while I'm here until July (but I have double citizenship and can stay for as long as I want in Europe). Anyway, we found out we live in the same building (post-grad student dorms) and that allowed us to see each other quite often. After 2 or 3 weeks of hanging out almost on a daily basis we kissed and started dating. A few weeks after we started dating we realized what we had was much stronger than "just friends who hang out, kiss, do coupley things but don't have anything serious" thing. We decided to stop it there and remain friends to avoid hurt feeling later. That lasted less than 24 hours until we were together again. This was back in October. We decided to give it a go as monogamous dating and we would make any further decisions when the time was right. Well the time is coming. He is supposed to leave the first week of February (he is also European but not native from the place where we are studying). A few weeks ago he had told me he wants to look for a job here in January and extend his stay. Two days ago I started looking for job postings in his field and sent him some links. I got no answer from him. We met in the evening and he told me he thanked me for that, but he would focus on the job hunt in January. That means he would only start sending CVs in January and expect to get a job in 3 weeks. In this economy in Europe that would be a miracle. So he tells me it is what he plans to do "if it works out great, if it doesn't I go back home". So I asked him what do we do then, long distance until I'm over in July and then we see? He answers long distance is not an option for him. So I tell him I thought we had agreed on trying to give this a chance (other than the "leaving issue" what we have is REALLY good) and he tells me he is too afraid. He told me things are going well now but we've only known each other for 3 months and he is not sure if he should stay if he doesn't have any guarantees this will work out in the long term. Back home he has no job because he resigned to come study here so it's not like he is expected to go back. So he asked me for time to think. That was 2 days ago. We skyped today for a while and he tells me he really doesn't know what to do and he is scared. He says he feels there is too much pressure on him right now and he not only has to think about staying but also about what if it works? He is from a small town in a former communist country. Because I told him of how my life used to be, he can't get it out of his head that i'm "up for great things" and that I will end as a company vice-president some day with a huge house and an expensive car and he feels like eventually taking me to his town would be "wasting all of your great talent and potential". He is afraid I will be miserable having a "simpler" kind of life. I tell him by now if he stays here we just need to worry about us NOW, about how this progresses and not about me in his country. But even if this worked...going back to high-paced corporate life is NOT what I want to do anymore. Don't ask how, but I lived in another eastern block country years ago and it was one of the happiest times of my life, so I know that adapting wouldn't be difficult for me (if it ever came to that point, but right now we can't really tell). We are having a conversation face to face tonight and I don't know how it will go. I find it crazy having to face this after only 3 months together, but if these weren't the circumstances things would be so good. We really have a great connection, an amazing time together and we get each other. It is insane and I would have never imagined this being my life a year ago, but I haven't been this happy in years. What do you guys think? Is it too complicated? Should I just let it go?
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