Berlington Bob Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 So you ever have one of those dreams where something really cool happened to you? Like you won the lottery or found burried treasure or got elected coolest person alive or something? Of course you have. And when you woke up, how did you feel? It was probably like "ahh crap, I can't take all that money or that CPA award with me". You feel sad at first but then you realize you never had that money in the first place. It never existed, you just thought it did. The feeling of loss is artificial and in 10 minutes you feel normal again. Now had you actually won the lottery or something and then lost it you would be devistated. Most of us are here because someone we thought we knew so very well turned out to be someone completely different. The relationship we thought we had actually didn't exist. Maybe at one point we thought it did, I can remember trying to break up with my ex a few years back but she begged and pleaded and I gave her another chance. Now you might say "well Bob (not actually my name btw), you did have the relationship you thought you had". Not true I say, it turns out she can't be alone. She was just begging and pleading because she was horrified of the thought of not being in a relationship with someone. What's the point of all this? Just like the dream I had where I won the lottery, I never really lost the best relationship or the best girl I have ever had because it never existed. She wasn't who I thought she was and either was the relatinoship. The loss is artificial. I'm the same person I was before the B/U. I can talk about all the things I gained like freedom and such but it doesn't matter (for this post). I was mearly dreaming and now I am awake. Hope this helps people. It helps me to think about it this way because, honestly, it's the truth of the matter. Just like you can't win the lottery while you are sleeping, you can't find someone who will actually give you the relationship you want while you are in one you only think you want.
mike588 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I've kinda felt the same way. I was my ex.s rebound guy for a year then she dumped me to go back to her ex. so since her heart was never mine it was like a "fake'" relationship all that time. Even though I learned a tough lesson I also feel like I wasted a year of my life with her.
lolita jade Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Good analogy Bob and totally understand the way of thinking. Only trouble is you are in love with the ex you have lost. That is what makes it hard. If we didn't love them it would be easy to accept change. Love is the most powereful feeling and that is what makes it so hard. It is akin to someone you love dying. It is grief. The way I look at it is you have to swim through some choppy waters for a while to get to a nice new land. You either sink or swim. I am not sinking for anybody, just not a very good swimmer at present and I need to learn, once I learn, I can reach that new land
shayla Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Even though I learned a tough lesson I also feel like I wasted a year of my life with her. That is the part that made me crazy!!! 2 years and 10 months wasted on someone who was nothing more than a narcisist (sp). But because I have learned good lessons from this, I no longer call this wasted time.
lolita jade Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Dont look at it as wasting time. Look at it as a life lesson. We all get stronger and wiser from experiencing bad things. Think of all the losers you have spent dating in the past for just a few weeks or months. Soon mounts up but you learnt from it. I have been out with some complete tossers in my teenage years. That crappy job, Queuing, Crappy movies, Seminars, days doing nothing, etc etc. All literally a waste of time but we have learnt somthing from all of those experiences, even if its not to recommend that movie
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