the_red Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) I haven't spoken to him in a while nor did I hangout with him recently. I terribly miss him. He is my best friend. But he revealed on thanksgiving that although he loved me and that he cared for me and that I was his best friend and that I make him happy, he needed some time to think. He said that he didnt have that IT feeling where in he could say that he wanted to marry me and was wondering if it is something you could obtain with time or if it is something you know when you first got together. With his ex, it took him 3 years since that was when he introduced her to his parents. We have been dating for 1.5 years and we are both in our mid twenties and he said that I was everything he could ask for in a girlfriend. I asked for an ultimatum last week but he still needs time. he said he was sorry to make me wait since he knows how much it pains me and that he still wanted time. he doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to lose me either. Sometimes I want to move on and I haven't pressed for a break up since I'm not ready to lose him although with the time away from him I spend it on assuming worst case situation and just nursing my heart ache. i just assume we broke up already. i don't know what is on his mind. and then yesterday, after no contact, he offered to give me a ride from a red eye flight but i already asked my roommate before so i turned him down. so i guess, he still cares. Should I wait? Edited December 7, 2011 by the_red needed to edit title. made no sense.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I'm a 27 yr old dude. Although I'm currently dating, I'm not in love with my gf. I've been pressured about the subject of marriage with past women I've dated. Being pressured or given an ultimatum to get married is definitely a turn-off. It's also a red flag that says she's too desperate for marriage. I've known guys who felt pressured to get married by their girlfriends. The marriage never turns out to be a happy one.
Author the_red Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 the thing is i never pressured him to marry me. i never brought up marriage. i got blindsided since he said he was forcing his feelings for a month now to like to me to a point that he wants marry me.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah, but after he brought up liking you to the point of marriage, you gave him the ultimatum. If my gf gave me an ultimatum to expose my feeling I'd be turned off. It's a huge red flag. Never give a guy an ultimatum to express his emotions.
Ilovewater Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Do you know if he wants to be in a long-term committed relationship with you? It's fine that he doesn't know if he wants to marry you yet since it's only been 1.5 years. However, he should know whether this relationship is leading somewhere at this point. His dating history also indicates that he has some sort of commitment phobia. It took him 3 years to introduce his ex to his parents? If men are excited about the women they're dating, they don't wait years to introduce them to the parents. Red flag! I would definitely ask him if he sees a future with you. If not, I'd move on.
Author the_red Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah, but after he brought up liking you to the point of marriage, you gave him the ultimatum. If my gf gave me an ultimatum to expose my feeling I'd be turned off. It's a huge red flag. Never give a guy an ultimatum to express his emotions. so i guess in that response, i should just wait for him to come back and talk to me again? in the mean time just maintain no contact? sorry but it's just driving me nuts that he left me hanging and i don't know what he is thinking. so i asked him what his thoughts were last week and he said he still doesn't know. i guess i should just heed your advice and wait and not force anything? in the meantime. this waiting game just pains me since i had to deal life like i'm single again. like i lost him because he simply isn't there anymore. we used to spend a lot of time with each other but that is now gone.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 The sad thing about love is sometimes you have to play that painful waiting game.
bittersweet memories Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 so i guess in that response, i should just wait for him to come back and talk to me again? in the mean time just maintain no contact? sorry but it's just driving me nuts that he left me hanging and i don't know what he is thinking. so i asked him what his thoughts were last week and he said he still doesn't know. i guess i should just heed your advice and wait and not force anything? in the meantime. this waiting game just pains me since i had to deal life like i'm single again. like i lost him because he simply isn't there anymore. we used to spend a lot of time with each other but that is now gone. Are you sure he doesn't have somebody else?
Recommended Posts