shawn923 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Ok i have a problem. Lol. Seriously, i dont know why i cant stop looking at my ex's fb page. Im currently full NC as in i dont call text or make any attempt to see her. Although i do fb stalk, which i know is bad but i just cant stop! I always get the urge and eventually just cave in and do it. And the thing is i kinda dont regret doin it. Shes recently in her second relationship since our breakup. And when seeing it, i dont get upset over it. I just look down on this person that is so fake and lied to me so much. It actually helps to see that because it lets me know what kind of person she is, and cements her "moving on" and us being done for good. Im a VERY forgiving person, and i cant even forgive her for moving on TWICE. I only feel i shouldnt be looking at her page because its stalking and generally not right, however im not hurt when looking at it! So, 1 how do i stop these urges? And 2, is checking her fb really stopping me from getting over her? How damaging could it be?
ken_25 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah it will delay any real progress in fully moving on and is an unhealthy habit. You should just block her, and you'll gradually just not care to look so much, and then you'll probably stop thinking about it, especially when you meet another girl.
sunflower11 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) Hey shawn! I was in the same position as you..kind of. But my ex doesn't have a facebook..he just has 2-3 profiles on dating sites and I know his password to everything so it was just too easy to go in there and snoop and see the kind of girls he was hitting on etc. At first, I convinced myself it helped me move on because I realized more and more the kind of person he was and how I didn't want to be with someone like that so I was like hey..it doesn't hurt me so it can't be that bad...but then I had to be honest with myself and ask if it was good and it helped at all? The answer is no. I have since stopped looking at anything he has online (dating sites, youtube profile, blog) and I am doing much better. Just because something isn't "bad" for you, it doesn't mean it is good either because wether you can see it now or not, it's not letting you move on. The first day i stopped was the hardest cause I would get this urge soooo bad and it's so easy to do it, not like anyone would know but I would be lying to myself so I fought the urge, I took a deep breath and asked myself what I would gain from looking at his things, if it was going to affect my day, how much longer was I going to be stuck snooping around (1-2 more months??) and if I would be happy, looking back, and knowing I spent all that time looking into his life which to be honest, no longer concerned me. Oh i forgot to add..you can try and think this way.."tomorrow I won't look at her profile at all and I will prove to myself that i CAN do it and that i don't NEED to see what she is doing with her life" Once I got through the first day I was like ok, I did one day, I bet I can do it again tomorrow..and in the end, just like NC, it makes you feel stronger everytime because you conquered one more day and you didn't give in to the urge. Edited December 7, 2011 by sunflower11
The Poster Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 The best decision I made post breakup was to hide my ex from my facebook feed. I actually hate myself for waiting so long to do it. I was like you, obsessed with her fb. Constantly checking it, and constantly looking into any other person that commented on her stuff. Everything I saw her doing either hurt like hell or made me angry, it just made sense to stop doing it. Yes, the curiosity kills me once in a while as I have no idea what's going on in her life, but I'm better off that way. That's crystal clear now, after months of torturing myself.
Million.to.1 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Facebook. It's a tough one. My Ex and I parted on reasonably good terms... His call though. We both really care about each other, and I hope that once i am over him we can still be on friendly terms. It hurts too much right now though.. but that is my issue. I asked him to put me on his "Restricted" list. And I did the same to him. De-friending or blocking seemed to be such a public "****-you" statement to all our 40+ mutual friends and that is not fair and not how I feel. We both know that Facebook is all fake anyway and that we would both stalk each other after the BU etc.. (he is in I.T and always on the iphone/computer and is a hard out FB user) So on a restricted profile we can only see each others things that we make "public". He has been using it to feed me breadcrumbs... but I am not prepared to cut all cords, yet, but that may change if I'm still obsessing months from now. He really did nothing wrong and I am the one who suggested N/C for my own sake. I wish I could delete him though ... I still look at his page everyday. He posted this song yesterday... Facebook, Twitter, there are so many online fake worlds to stalk. Maybe stalking and holding on for a while evenually gives us the closer we need to finally let go. If all you are doing is focusing on N/C, then you are achieving nothing except distraction. N/C helps, but you need to accept that they are gone and moving on.. and try and do the same. Sometime Facebook can force us to face this when we are holding on to hope. It a harder and maybe longer road, but do whats right for you. If you have the strength to delete her, then do. You can always re add her in a couple of years if you want to re-establish a friendship when you have moved on with your life.
leoc1973 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Ok I just finally defriended and blocked my ex yesterday! Its crazy for most of the day I kept looking to click on her profile but it wan't there. I immediately felt regret cause now I can't check to see her every move. Today I feel like a weight was lifted. Like ok its time to move on now. Just tear off the bandaid and do it.
Bazamu Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I just deleted my account and could careless what people think. It helps me try and move on, but yet, I still talk to her >.<. Life's a biatch. I already know that if I got back on Facebook I would look her up automatically without a doubt in my mind. Why does the world have to be like this.
smudge21 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I used to do that until I saw her status go to "engaged"... that was enough for me. You're not really NC if you're still keeping tabs on them and knowing about their lives, which in turn means you're never truly healing, despite what you may think. Not knowing is definitely better. Just think before social media came about - we'd break up, and that would be it. That's how it should be.
radiodarcy Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Smudge is right. if you're still look at your ex's facebook then you're not in NC. maybe you're still looking because seeing her relationship status isn't bothering you. but it's almost like you're testing yourself - - to see if you really are over her. i've done the same thing so i know where you're coming from. but if you were really over her - - you wouldn't need to keep looking at her facebook in order to convince yourself that you are over her - - if that makes sense...
carlos1983 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 IT is easy to look on there facebook and see what they are up to the problem comes when you see them having a good time without you. The best thing to do is block them straight away The no contact rule only works if you block them out completely it is there to give you time to sort yourself out I have been split with my ex for around 5 months after a week I blocked her and deleted her number and email addresses and got rid of pictures of us from my facebook and after a few weeks soon realized it was the best decision
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