weekend Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I'm a international student. We were both in top 3 university in our country and we came to the same university two and a half years ago. It was really hard to live in some other country other than your home country really. We got together after we came here. And we were together for 2.5 years. We met each other's parents, spend everyday together and were planning to get married this winter. However, when we applied for Phd, we didn't get into the same one. I know long distance is hard. But it doesn't mean he can just throw away our two-years memory after one semester's long distance and a girl he met for just one month, right? He told me she is not as good as me, or as beautiful. He just need someone by his side. And he said he no longer has passion on me. I laughed actually when I heard that. For me, love is not all about passion, because you are gonna lose the passion of freshness someday when you are in a relationship, and you'll eventually feel something more deep than passion. That is the every day you spend together, every good scene you share, every place you travelled together and more...It is always easy to crush on someone else, but you need to learn to deal with that in your life, and even in your marriage. I feel like my heart is in pieces and I cannot be in one piece again. He said he knows no one could love him as I did in his whole life. He said he knew that but he want a relationship with that girl. The BS part is that girl also have a boyfriend and she break up with him, also long distance, also only one semester. What happened to this world...
BoredAgain Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 What happened to this world? Nothing... this sort of thing has been going on since the dawn of man. You are clearly much smarter than me, so you've probably already figured this out: You write, "It is always easy to crush on someone else, but you need to learn to deal with that in your life, and even in your marriage." Well, clearly your Ex couldn't deal with that. One day you'll be happy that you found this out now, rather than a few years down the line when you might be married with kids. Do the "No Contact" thing, move forward, meet new people, and focus on your schoolwork. It hurts now, but it sounds like you'll be just fine. And good luck with the PhD!
Chi townD Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Totally agree with Bored. You're one smart cookie and you've figured most of it out already. Does that knowledge help with the pain? Nope! That's going to take some time. I would contact this guy at all. Live your life, have fun! By the way, dissertations suck!!!
Berlington Bob Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I had a very similar thing happen to me except there was no LDR and I'm also not as smart as you. I wish my ex was though because you nailed it right on the head when you said that passion (lust) is not going to always exist in any sort of marriage. At least not %100 of the time. He is clearly not as serious as you about the comitment thing and sounds like the type of person who refuses to be alone. My ex also would tell me I couldn't go into the army even as a reservist because she didn't want to be alone for 2 months... And yet she convinced me to propose to her. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It does get better. I know it doesn't feel like it will but as people suggested to me when I was in week 1 (not sure how long ago he broke your heart), you have to trust in the advice of people on here that it will get better if you don't have contact with him. You seem very nice and you understand what most of us on here wish our ex's understood, that they had a really good thing but they let lust get in the way and started looking for excuses to not be with us. You should read the G.I.G.S. thread in the coping section. I think that your situation might not be GIGS to the letter but it might help if you are looking for answers to why this happened. Keep us updated on how you are doing.
Recommended Posts