Cmac Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Hey everyone. I signed up here cos I feel like I have no one else really to talk to. Last Sunday my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me saying that she feels like we grew apart. This took me totally by surprise, I'm totally devastated and don't know how to cope without her in my life. We're both 22 years old, I imagined our future together, buying our own place, having kids, the whole lot, I genuinely thought this girl was the one, I've never felt so comfortable and secure with anyone in my life. I truly could be myself with her. Unfortunately recent events may have contributed to this. For one, from September 2010 - September of this year we were long distance, only seeing each other every other weekend because she moved away for uni. I also suffer from Crohn's Disease, a chronic illness which flared up last December. So for a lot of this year I have been pretty miserable. I'm in pain 90% of my waking life, I fear to leave the house because there can be terrible bouts of pain/diarrhea, I am wasting away, becoming malnourished. I am down to about 9 stone and am about 6ft tall. I needed to go for surgery back in May and missed 2 exams of my final uni year, so went months not knowing whether or not I would graduate. Inevitably, all of this stuff combined led me to get pretty depressed I suppose, though I never sought treatment for it. Basically I became a bit of a recluse, don't go out much, I am pretty distant and pretty much always feeling down and miserable. I lost my sex drive and so we hadn't been having sex as often as before. I feel like my ex took all of this personally, thinking that I lost interest in her and didn't care anymore. She said she was sick of sitting in all the time, sick of me always being miserable and wasting my life sitting in my room, sick of the fact I barely spoke and when I did I was always down. But she never spoke to me about it, she let it fester in her until it got to the point that she no longer thinks we can rebuild what we had. I've tried to convince her that I never stopped caring or loving her, that I've just let all the health stuff get on top of me and get me down, and I vowed to try and change that. She is having none of it though. I just can't believe I lost this girl, I hate myself that I let this goddamn illness consume my life to such a degree that I have lost the one girl I have ever loved. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I don't have many friends to turn to, and most of them seem not to care much, and my parents work 10-12 hours a day so they aren't in much. I'm just sitting alone with my thoughts most of the time and I'm going crazy. This is probably a longer read than I intended, I'm sorry, but I would appreciate if anyone could read it and offer me some advice.
BoredAgain Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 It's sounds like a very tough situation. When you say that you "hate yourself," it sticks out to me. It's possible that you'll be able to have a second chance with her someday, but it's certainly not going to happen as long as you hate yourself. She may love and care about you, but if she's "sick of sitting in all the time" then you can't really blame her for wanting to go out and live her life. So take this as an opportunity - a wake-up call - to improve your own life. Work on your issues as much as you can and get to a place where you like yourself. Meet new people, pick up new hobbies, etc. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
mike588 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 So sorry to hear about your illness! I don't know much about it but I'm sure it's tough for you. I'm sure you know you need to tackle it first to get out of the depression that it brings you, be glad you have your parents who can help you. I also agree that at that age no one want's to sit around with someone who is depressed all the time,, not that it's right for what she did but she wants to have fun and enjoy life instead of seeing/being with you moping around and depressed. I /we feel your pain from losing someone you love so much,, your NOT alone,there are hundreds on this site alone who are going thru that hell. Feel free to keep posting if you feel you need to,, there are SO MANY good people here that can and will help you.
Author Cmac Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 Thanks guys. Yeah, I don't really blame her, but at the same time she goes out with friends alot, I never stop her from going out when she wants to, so it's not as if she literally sits in all the time time. But I definitely do understand why it has bothered her. I think the main issue though is how she feels we are less close now than we used to be. I kinda feel like this can be fixed and that if 2 people love each other then rebuilding closeness is definitely possible, it just takes time and effort, but I can't convince her of this. I think maybe she has just fallen out of love with me but doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me, and I'm even considering the possibility that there may be someone else she likes, though I did ask her and she said no. I'd like to think she wouldn't lie, she has always been a very honest person. So I guess I just feel a bit worthless and like I mean less to her than I thought I did due to the fact she's not willing to fight for us. I won't be ill forever, things will go back to normal, we will have good times again. I just wish that she cared enough to take the bad as well as the good, I know I sure as hell would do it for her if the tables were turned.
mike588 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Thanks guys. Yeah, I don't really blame her, but at the same time she goes out with friends alot, I never stop her from going out when she wants to, so it's not as if she literally sits in all the time time. But I definitely do understand why it has bothered her. I think the main issue though is how she feels we are less close now than we used to be. I kinda feel like this can be fixed and that if 2 people love each other then rebuilding closeness is definitely possible, it just takes time and effort, but I can't convince her of this. I think maybe she has just fallen out of love with me but doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me, and I'm even considering the possibility that there may be someone else she likes, though I did ask her and she said no. I'd like to think she wouldn't lie, she has always been a very honest person. So I guess I just feel a bit worthless and like I mean less to her than I thought I did due to the fact she's not willing to fight for us. I won't be ill forever, things will go back to normal, we will have good times again. I just wish that she cared enough to take the bad as well as the good, I know I sure as hell would do it for her if the tables were turned. It good you realize why she did what she did,, now you can learn from that and try to fix it. Good to hear you won't be ill for an extended period of time,, at this time you need to work on yourself. You CANNOT make anyone love you and you can't convince her things will be better at this time. I really hate to tell you this but,,,,, there probably is someone else,,,sorry and she's not gonna tell you this because she doesn't want to hurt you even more/guilt. You are so young,, wish I was your age,ha. Look at this as a learning/growing experience,, try to move on,, better yourself,, you will get thru this,, I promise you that,,, we all do!!!!
Author Cmac Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 So I ended up in hospital this morning due to the stress of everything making my illness worse. My ex text me an hour or so ago asking how I am. Should I reply or maintain NC?
Chi townD Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Well, I'm glad to hear that you've seen that the stress was getting to you and you went and seeked out some help. Did they refer you to a counselor to help you out at all? Where you placed on meds at all? Stay NC, she made the choice to have you out of her life. You give her exactly that. She doesn't get the option to "See how you're doing" anymore. She forfeited that right. Right now, you focus on you and your well being. You need time to heal and move on. Post here as often as you like to help you through this tough time.
Author Cmac Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 Yeah, thanks for the advice. I'll stay NC. No they didn't refer me to anyone. I actually don't feel that stressed anymore, I think it was all residual effects of the stress I felt in the immediate aftermath. They now seem more serious about finally starting treatment for the Crohn's though, which is really the main problem anyway. I'm going for surgery some time in the next month so hopefully after that I'll be able to start taking big steps to getting better. I actually feel like all the health stuff is keeping my mind off my ex and I feel I am now more committed to getting my health back on track. It'll probably be a long road ahead though.
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Yeah, thanks for the advice. I'll stay NC. No they didn't refer me to anyone. I actually don't feel that stressed anymore, I think it was all residual effects of the stress I felt in the immediate aftermath. They now seem more serious about finally starting treatment for the Crohn's though, which is really the main problem anyway. I'm going for surgery some time in the next month so hopefully after that I'll be able to start taking big steps to getting better. I actually feel like all the health stuff is keeping my mind off my ex and I feel I am now more committed to getting my health back on track. It'll probably be a long road ahead though. Glad to hear your getting help for your medical condition,, yes stay in no contact,, she wanted you out of her life now give it to her!! Hope your surgery gos well and yes after that's over you can start to focus on yourself more and getting back out,,, you'll find someone else,take the time now to heal emotionally and physically. Best of luck and keep us posted.
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