I'm in a sticky situation,I got a major thing for my boss,what can I do?

[missingu]

Ok so I like my job.it's good money been there quite a while.good people etc..but for the first time ever I have a thing for the boss..the MARRIED boss.sometimes it makes work really hard at times but it Also makes work go faster.we have alot of eye contact between us.I've seen him check out my body.he smiles alot but it's not just a politeness thing,I can tell he's flirting by how his eyes are.he jokes around sometimes.thing Is I know he's married and it sucks.he has complained about his wife before.but he never really talks about her just his kids.I feel awful for having this crush but I can't help it.he is s good boss,well good to me.he gives me all the days and yeah.before u get all angry I can't help how I feel.I never said I'll act on it.now hes on holiday and I feel so horrible I miss him like crazy.anyone else know what I should do??I feel like I'm jn dangerous territory

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The mere 'crushing' isn't going to hurt you on its own.

 

 

From every angle of thought, your best move would be to just stay where you are in terms of NOT acting upon your crush.

 

In a perfect world you'll meet lots of eligible guys in the near future and one of them will draw your interest away from your boss.

 

You'll still have a job, still make good money, and then your work days will have an even better flavor, for NOT being/seeming SO CLOSE to (danger) as you remain aware of your surroundings at work.

[eerie_reverie]

Good luck with that... I was in a similar situation and worked for the guy for 3 years while being totally smitten.

 

Then half a year ago I got a trasnfer to a different department and met somebody else. My life is 1000 times happier now.

 

It's hard to get over someone you see every day. Just saying.

[Breezy Trousers]

I agree with Eerie.

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm sure you never intended for it to happen. I think there's a greater opportunity for you in this experience -- a deeper awareness -- but right now you're in such a deep love fog, you can't see that. You'll see that in time.

 

If you work directly with this man, I don't think you have any choice but to ask for a reassignment or, better yet, start looking for another job. Immediately. Don't tell yourself the story that jobs aren't plentiful. When you are trying to do the right thing by yourself and by everyone else, life will do everything to support you in that endeavor.

 

The more you're exposed to this man, the more the feelings will intensify. You will increasingly associate the feelings with the man. It becomes a vicious cycle.

 

As pleasant as these feelings are, they will nearly always lead to pain and suffering of some sort. The feelings do not just pass away. You have to take charge here or else the feelings will take charge. You choose in the end. Your life will have happier results if you take charge, but that's your call.

 

Bottom line: You can't control these feelings, but you are in control of how you respond to the feelings and what actions result.

 

The longer you are focused on this man (who is unavailable), the longer you are unavailable to your own life.

 

Consider reading the blog, Baggage Reclaim.

 

Consider reading the threads on the OW/OM forum, even though you're not an OW. Most of them are in tremendous pain from affairs ... It sounds to me like your married boss is grooming you for an affair. Most women I know don't develop these feelings unless the married man first begins throwing them a bone. Don't fall for it. Get support from other women who have been in your shoes. You don't need to have an affair to get that support from them. They would love to help you avoid a situation they didn't ... Even if you leave for another position, your boss may have more incentive to get in contact with you. Don't be flattered by his attention. Most women tend to fall in affairs because they are easily flattered, naive and have poor boundaries. Increasingly excited by a powerful man's unexpected attention, they tell themselves the self-flattering story that the "poor" MM is unhappy in his marriage, so they are the "special ones" anointed to rescue him from that unhappiness (his wife). It's complete b.s., but the married men will encourage you with that line of thinking because they get their own ego stroked (among other things) as long as you stay in that self-imposed trance .... They may even start "fake futuring" to keep you plugged in ... See why this is by reading the threads on the OW/OM forum and Baggage Reclaim blog.

 

I saw a friend go through this for three years. She's still struggling to get her self esteem back.

 

You have not fallen down that slippery slope yet. Problem is, the feelings are often so seductive, you may not have the incentive to do any of this .... Your ability to be honest with yourself and with others will be your only way out of this predicament.

Edited December 11, 2011 by Breezy Trousers