othersideofthepillow Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 So ive been split from my ex for just over 4 1/2 months now. In that time i have had her string me along (whether intentional on her part or not - doesnt matter) and with it being the holiday season it has been really hard not having her around. I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself so i decided to meet up with a old friend (years ago i had a huge crush on her and we had flirted back and forth over the years - never while i was with my ex) and watch a movie together. we had talked about hooking up a long time ago but the entire time i was talking with her and could see that she wanted to hook up....i still couldnt stop thinking of my ex or just watching the movie. i was completely not interested in any physical contact from/with her. when she would playfully hit and flirt with me i wasnt in to it at all. didnt want to reciprocate in the least. i know that chances are my ex is out there not giving a damn or feeling the same things i am but its really annoying to know that i still love/care tha much to still not be interested in anyone else yet. guess it does take everyone different amounts of time to move on.
PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Hi there, I am guessing your ex really took a big part of your heart. Its really hard, 4 and a half months is a long time. If your still caught up with her try your best not to look for anyone else until your truly healed otherwise you can cause some harm without noticing. Its hard to forget someone you really deeply cared for. Has she contacted you during the 4 and a half months appart? This can also have an effect on your healing since she is still holding you back. Have you tried to have a heart to heart talk with her about whats going on to find closure that its over unless she feels otherwise? This can really help too. Hope all works for the best. I know its super hard, not one day goes by i cant stop thinking about my ex, everything reminds me of him. There is no time frame when getting over someone, to some it may take more than a year when to others it just takes a few months to days. If she is still contacting you regardless of every other day to one every 2weeks- 3 weeks that can be preventing you from getting over her. best wishes hope everything works out.
lolita jade Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Hi, I have had a couple of guys interested in me but I am not ready. I get that cold feet feeling and back out of meeting anyone. I think you will know when you genuinely are excited about meeting someone. so far i am not. I even went on a dating site and came off because I am not in the slightest bit interested. I tried to be but am not.
HappyFlower Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Don't beat yourself up that you haven't moved on yet, its completely normal to grieve at your own pace. To some 4.5 months seems like a long time, to others not long at all. Don't feel you have to rush into seeing someone. I know you feel you want to, to keep your mjind off your ex, but it can backfire as you've just noticed. I had the same thing - BU 3 months ago & yesterday went on a date with a nice guy who was obviously keen and asked for a second date, but I had so little interest that I had to tell him honestly that I wasn;t over my ex yet. I suspect if I were over my ex I would be very happy with another date with him, but right now its a big no. So you're not alone! (You know, I can give advice to people, but I wish I'd listen to myself lol!)
fificremefarben Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Don't worry. I think it just takes as long as it takes. I'm 4 months BU as well...and tonight I started crying into my dinner out of nowhere (this has happened before...oh dear). My friends keep telling me that the day will come where I wake up and don't give a damn anymore. I'm still waiting for that day to come. Chin up. We're all here on Loveshack from all over the world and in the same boat (so, whatever the time, I'm sure there'll be someone awake and on Loveshack to give you some words of encouragement).
Author othersideofthepillow Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Thanks for all the feedback so far! @PinkPunkCosm - she had a huge part of my heart. we moved in together and got a dog together. yes my ex has contacted me over the entire 4 1/2 month time frame. Every time i went NC she blew up my phone, stopped over to talk (still had keys of the apartment we shared). Bout 1 1/2 months ago even came by my apartment at 1am to apologize for everything and that she wants me in her life only to than say that its to hard on her to see me now. Exchanged some conversations of the great times we had together, how great we were together, that she wants to be friends and go from than and than goes completely silent on me for 2 weeks. I try my very best to try and keep my mind busy. I did very well in never pleading or begging to have her come back. Only thing i ever said is that im willing to work on the things that caused the split and if she was willing to work on it than i would. Within 3 days of my BU i got asked out on a date, but obviously i wasnt ready for that. I do know that everyone grieves/handles things differently. I know too that every ex is dif, every situation is dif, some come back right away, some take more time, some never come back. i have completely let the past go, all the arguments, all the negatives. ive realized my shortcoming and have corrected them and are a better man for it! so in that aspect i cant complain! i have been asked out, girls are interested in me, i find them visually attractive but nothing further.
bbronco Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Sorry you're still hurting! I'm 5 months into the break up and 1 month no contact. I so strongly hope that within the next 3 months, my life will start coming out of this sad rut I'm in and move on...but for now, I still have the lingering ouch in my heart. It doesn't help that my friends bump into my ex all the time and give me tid bits of feedback on what he's thinking..aka "I can't deal with everyone pressuring me to get back together with her" - ****, I guess my friends are doing more damage than good! The holidays...and what it entails (no company holiday party date, and no News Years kiss) is going to def. suck, but if anything, we need to just try and get absorbed in the usual ugly sweater friend parties and pub crawls, watch TONS of movies, sleep early, and work late haha. Between 6 PM and 11 PM - going to the gym, making dinner, and watching something on TV and the day is over. Now repeat this routine until your heart starts feeling a little better!
M2155 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Moving on is a process. Ability to be interested in someone new is like a nice hurdle but not a measure of being over someone. Besides, you could also be not interested in this girl the way you once were. When that girl comes around that you can't stop thinking about, you won't miss a beat. Until then like everyone says, take your time and just focus on healing and enjoying life.
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