Don't want to say "I LOVE YOU" so much...What do I do? Need some input...

[YoungSuccesful]

Things are going GREAT with my new girlfriend...

 

2 months long, just went down to see her parents for a weekend (it went ironically perfect), her parents loved me, We have both told each other we are "In Love" and that we absolutely "LOVE" one another...

 

She was hurt before and was very reserved and didnt want to OPEN UP b/c of the chance of getting hurt...SO the fact that she has opened up MEANS ALOT TO ME...We both agree we've never felt this comfortable so quickly with someone...

 

Anyway, I've very sweet with her and tell her how I feel when i think it...I written a few poems for her and now we get off the phone with a sweet word and "I LOVE YOU"

 

I DONT WANT TO say "I LOVE YOU" too much...I don't want to flood her even if I feel like telling ALL the time...

 

We will be away from each other for the next 2 months off and on so the phone will be the main contact...Should I tell her I respect the word "LOVE" so I'll only tell you when the moments right or keep doing what I;ve been doing?

[simplybrill]

yah, just tell her that! Im sure she'll be ok with you only saying it when you mean it and not just saying it for effect.

[Bojickwoman]

I think by explaining that to her would make it all the more special. I recently had my bf break up with me and he had been telling me even the day before the break up "I love you" when getting off the phone. Come to find out that he has been feeling like he fell out of love for me for months....so, I am really pissed off that in effect he was lying to me this whole time by telling me "I love you", because I thought he really meant it. Anyway, I think being straight with her up front and only saying it when you really mean it is actually a very special and endearing thing. I'm sure she will understand your mentality.

[azgirl]

Bojickwoman:

 

I know what you mean. I had a heart-to-heart with mine a couple of weeks ago and he said "I love you. You know I do" then 4 days later he tells me he "doesn't want this anymore."

 

Then we agreed to give it time and work on things and he agreed to still go home with me to meet my family and then 2 days after that said "i just want to be by myself." I am so hurt, lonely, confused and sad.

 

I love him sooooo much.

[Bojickwoman]

I know how you are feeling. I'm hurt, confused and still love him too. We still email because he wanted to remain "friends" and it is really hard. I am trying to let go and not initiate contact. I plan on being far away from the computer this long holiday weekend!

 

All I can say is that I'm extremely grateful that I found this site. It has actually helped me with my grief a lot to know that I'm not the only person going through a tough time right now. It seems like so many relationships have broken up lately. What is this world coming to? If we as people do not have love in our lives, than what do we really have?

[azgirl]

I know. I don't get it. I love him so much. Each day is different. Sometimes I am sad and cry, sometimes I am angry, and sometimes I am just numb. He didn't come home last night. I know he is just at his friend's house, but still it hurts. Like I am sooo terrible to be around.

 

And why do so many people break up?? I asked my grandmother yesterday, "Why can't things just be like they were back in your day? Why can't people meet, fall in love, and get married like you and Grandpa did?"

 

That's what I want. That's all I want, really. And I thought I had found the person I was going to marry. I mean, I have certainly not been in any hurry. I am 27 and have been in plenty of relationships and could probably have gotten married by now, but I have waited for the RIGHT person to come along. I sincerely thought he had. With all of my heart. And now he is leaving and I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life and that scares me and I feel like I will have to meet jerk after jerk until I find another one that I feel the same way about as I do my ex. Why can't people just work on things??? I have always thought long and hard before breaking up with someone. Not wanting to hurt someone that I care about and right now - he's not giving me that kind of respect. This has literally come out of nowhere and the issues that he is telling me about - he NEVER communicated to me before so that we could work on them. And two weeks ago, we were FINE. Doing romantic things together and so forth. I don't understand how someone can change so quickly and be so cold, selfish and cruel.

[Bojickwoman]

Although, mine was a long-distance relationship. I had just gone out to see him 2 weeks before we broke up. Everything seemed fine and then when I got back I noticed he was acting more distant towards me, so I confronted him. I just had this gutt feeling it wasn't going to turn out so well, but I decided to confront him anyway. He basically told me that the "spark' was gone from our relationship and that he had fallen out of love with me. It surprised and shocked me, because it seemed so sudden. Apparently, he felt this way for a few months and never said anything. He said it was because he thought he was going through a "phase". Nevertheless, I feel really hurt and angry that he didn't come to me sooner when he was having his issues. I kinda feel like he was lying to me the whole time by telling me he loved me etc. and then turning around and telling me he isn't in love with me anymore. My heart is broken. At the beginning of this relationship we both felt each other was THE ONE and we even talked about one day getting married. I feel as you do; I feel like I am never going to find Mr. Right and I'm going to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I'm 30 and I've been through a lot of relationships, but never did I ever feel the way as I did in this last relationship.

 

As you asked your grandparents, I asked my father the same question. He seems to think that generation Xers just have trouble commiting to anything or anyone. I don't really think it is a generational thing, but in general, I do think he has a point. Why are so many people afraid to commit?

[YoungSuccesful]

I feel your pain ladies and gentlemen...

 

My situation is a little different b/c we are both in love right now and WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU...

 

My only problem is trying to TELL HER TOO MUCH and ruin the effect...

 

I would SHOUT IT OUT FROM a top of a building...but I want to pace myself...thought?

[SD_Sniper]

Saying "I Love You" should never feel overused, on one condition, It is sincere!

 

I've known my current GF for six years. (since we were both 10 years old) Have gone to four proms together (two different schools). To date, I have never even tried to kiss her. One of her friends told me she was disappointed about that. Well, after six years of being.....close, we exchanged I love you's. And since then countless time. But it wasn't that simple. I got-and this is an Exact quote-"Do you love me?" Needless to say, I was rather taken aback.

 

The moral of the story?

 

As long as you are sincere, it should never get old. I've seen literally hundreds of relationships come and go. Taking it slow is a very good thing, but don't slow it into nonexistance.

[dyermaker]

I think the whole "use the L word sparingly" crap is just a game, and doesn't belong in a serious relationship. If the conditions are right, it should never get old. The sentiment of the underlying idea shouldn't be watered down by repeating it, and it's totally unfair to measure someone's affection by their ability to come up with alternative phrases.

[krbshappy71]

I agree, Dyer, if its sincere, who cares??

 

My B/F and I have other enderaring comments that are tiny inside jokes that we use, its not 'INSTEAD' of I love you, it just means "I'm thinking of you, you're sweet, thank you, I care for you," etc.

We don't really SAVE the words I love you, but there are other ways to express EXACTLY what you are feeling at that moment, and its not always just love we feel, but other emotions too but "I love you" is the default thing to say with some people.

 

When I am enjoying cuddling, instead of saying "Oh....I love you." I will say "Oh....I love cuddling with you, you're so snuggly...." and that way I'm saying exactly what I feel at that moment. Of course I love him, he knows that, but does he also know WHAT I am loving?

 

Just a suggestion, if you are really hung up on the I love you's then make them more specific. 'I love to spend time with you, I love your laugh, I love how good you smell,' holy cow the list can go on forever and it has the same underlying meaning of love.