jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 So, I failed to mention something on the dating perception thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309565/ One of the things that Loveshack has helped to bring to my attention is that the dating game is so different for any two people. Really ... attractive women know nothing of what undesirable men go through and vice versa. In particular, a very good looking man giving advice to an undesirable man is basically of limited worth in my opinion. He just is playing a different game. It's like a basketball player being coached by a football player. There will be some cross pollination, but not enough for improvement. Yes, it was a little jarring for me to discover that some men have never been rejected by a woman in their lives. So, for the rest of us, it's a given that we are going to face rejection and lots of it, and the best way to deal is to thicken our skins to the point where it just doesn't faze us. Women play the game by dolling themselves up and seeing what they can 'catch'. Our game consists of finding a needle in a haystack. Maybe analogous to going to Century 21 and shopping for hours to get that one halfway decent DKNY sweater. So, instead of whining and bringing up stories of past rejections, I propose every 'whining man' on this forum (and you know who you are) go and hit on/ask out a woman. At least one, every two weeks. If you are at the end of your two weeks, you're going to have to scramble. It might have to be the 60 year old cashier at Michaels Arts & Crafts or the (she looked 18 to me) Toys R Us attendant. But you must do it. One, every two weeks. Who's with me?
Necromancer Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Nice idea,i always need someone to kick me in the back to approach random attractive woman,so if i only have 3 days to ask some girl i find attractive out on a date i will do it as fast as i can! I am with you!,and different approach every time...i don´t like doing the same things over and over like some guys do. How old are you? just wanna know ;D
somedude81 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Interesting idea. Though I don't meet enough women to ask out a new one every two weeks. Unless I start asking out randoms.
Cracker Jack Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I remember when the "go out and get 100 rejections" was suggested to me awhile back here. I was never able to go through with it, but I know it would've been an enlightening experience. I don't go out much, but I need to start getting out more and actually trying. In order for me to get better, I need to start laughing at the idea of rejection instead of dreading it. People like Dust, or my friends seem to laugh every time they get rejected. Some of my friends would even tell me stories of their rejections. It's cool how something that would appear to be a bad experience could end up being a good laugh. I need to adapt that mindset if I want to succeed. I think I might just start doing this. Consistently approaching women I'm attracted to will be hard, but I gotta try. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I wouldn't advise doing that lol...that seems like a recipe for an already shattered ego. What I would do however is learn how to speak with women and improve your skills, generally hitting on women doesn't have a high success rate as it is...it's not about asking a woman out or hitting on her it's about having a decent conversation with one and making the asking out part just the next obvious step.. I do however think that If you are hitting on a random woman just trying to get her number you shouldn't take that personally, i mean if you're putting yourself out there like that it's just not a very effective way of pulling numbers. You can't let the little things get you down.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I recently met a player who told me if I approach one woman then I should make sure I approach a minimum of 20 women within the next 24 hours. Since it gets him a lot of women I can't see it as bad advice. I've been doing it. I've gone up to any woman I found attractive, even married women. I've gotten several numbers. 1
neowulf Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I think some of us have got to get past the "pre-rejection" filters that appear to have formed in our psychi. What do I mean? Script runs a bit like this.. 1. See attractive women 2. Immediately flood mind with a dozen reasons not to approach women. 3. Shutdown, ignore her and fail to make eye contact with women of interest 4. Beat self up for freaking out and not approaching. 5. Repeat. No idea how to fix that. I'm tempted to try and "trick" myself by just doing something small, like asking for the time. Just to get me over the approach anxiety.
Cracker Jack Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I know that script all too well. Back when it was hot out, I was very close to approaching this woman, but I got so cold inside when I get near her. I felt like I had just been under an AC when it was about 80+ outside. She was smiling at me a lot, too--especially when I kinda got near her. After that, I just gave up. I think she knew I wanted to approach her, but something just stopped me. That's the worse feeling.
ThaWholigan Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Story of my life man........froze with so many chicks, only to realize upon analysis that I could have been well in lool.
Tom81 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I know that script all too well. Back when it was hot out, I was very close to approaching this woman, but I got so cold inside when I get near her. I felt like I had just been under an AC when it was about 80+ outside. She was smiling at me a lot, too--especially when I kinda got near her. After that, I just gave up. I think she knew I wanted to approach her, but something just stopped me. That's the worse feeling. This sounds all too familiar
Author jobaba Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 Nice idea,i always need someone to kick me in the back to approach random attractive woman,so if i only have 3 days to ask some girl i find attractive out on a date i will do it as fast as i can! I am with you!,and different approach every time...i don´t like doing the same things over and over like some guys do. How old are you? just wanna know ;D Age is irrelevant. It's an exercise, not a competition. I'm mid 30s but look much younger. I remember when the "go out and get 100 rejections" was suggested to me awhile back here. I was never able to go through with it, but I know it would've been an enlightening experience. I don't go out much, but I need to start getting out more and actually trying. In order for me to get better, I need to start laughing at the idea of rejection instead of dreading it. People like Dust, or my friends seem to laugh every time they get rejected. Some of my friends would even tell me stories of their rejections. It's cool how something that would appear to be a bad experience could end up being a good laugh. I need to adapt that mindset if I want to succeed. I think I might just start doing this. Consistently approaching women I'm attracted to will be hard, but I gotta try. That's the idea. The idea isn't so much to succeed, but to be able to approach and converse with women without fear, and more importantly to slowly lessen the sting of rejection to be null. Interesting idea. Though I don't meet enough women to ask out a new one every two weeks. Unless I start asking out randoms. The idea is to start talking to randoms. If you had a big enough social/school/work circle, you could do the exercise, but it would get messy socially. I have really never hit on women in public except when drunk. At the very least, it's an exercise in killing inhibitions. Hopefully, I'll go through with it. 13 days left...
Cracker Jack Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 It's funny. Usually when I see a topic like this, I feel extremely motivated--however, once the time comes to actually prove myself, I always seem to back down at the last minute. I'm really hoping this doesn't continue...
somedude81 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Honestly, I could easily do this. Of course I'd end up with a ton of meaningless rejections, so I don't see the point.
Author jobaba Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 Honestly, I could easily do this. Of course I'd end up with a ton of meaningless rejections, so I don't see the point. If it can easily be done, then why would you not do it? Because IT'S NOT EASY. You FEAR rejection and so do I. That's why we've never done it. The other point of the exercise is to turn approaching and getting rejected by women into something that's almost banal and fun instead of nervewracking and heartbreaking.
AD1980 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Not a bad idea but rejection to me is still crippling.. I guess id rather fantasize that women are actually attracted to me and im just not approachibng them then get confirmation that they arent attracted to me:laugh:
somedude81 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 If it can easily be done, then why would you not do it? Because IT'S NOT EASY. You FEAR rejection and so do I. That's why we've never done it. The other point of the exercise is to turn approaching and getting rejected by women into something that's almost banal and fun instead of nervewracking and heartbreaking. No, I don't fear rejection, I expect it. Picture it this way, how excited do you think, a high school football team would be if they found out that they are going to play an NFL team? When it comes to women, I know I'm going to get rejected, so I'd just rather not do it. The only thing that asking out, and subsequently getting rejected by a ton of women would do, is reaffirm my belief that I'm a loser. That's why I only prefer to ask out girls I like, because there is something worth fighting for. But of course, getting rejected by girls I actually like hurts more than random girls.
dispatch3d Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 meh I'm way more likable now than I ever was before, and I get hit on by women way more often. Before I got hit on by like 0 women, now it feels like 1 every 2 weeks or something. Big part of it is me actually realizing the girl is hitting on me. Normally they have to hit me over the head with a log cause I just never believe the girl likes me.
neowulf Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 ...Normally they have to hit me over the head with a log cause I just never believe the girl likes me. Oh man, do I know that feeling. When you feel at a deep level that you're simply "undateable" you begin to internalise it as a personal truth. Once that falsehood gets into your skull.. man it's a nightmare to get it back out again. Just this morning, I was heading into work, waiting at the lifts. Pretty girl I've never met, looks over at me, smiles and says "hi". I immediately fail to make eye contact or smile and manage a weak "..hey" back in her direction. Must have looked like I completely blew her off. Urgh, if I could breakup with me I would. I'm sick to death of myself.
ScreamingTrees Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Not a bad idea but rejection to me is still crippling.. I guess id rather fantasize that women are actually attracted to me and im just not approachibng them then get confirmation that they arent attracted to me:laugh: Wow, sounds exactly like me. I'd rather not get in a stressful situation - even if I were to fake confidence and approach in a smooth, casual way, I know how it'd end regardless so I don't bother. I've had chances with the one or two girls that had come into my life as friends, but I didn't go with it. I wonder how they were ever attracted to me, they sure didn't want me for my looks.. lol This whole idea SOUNDS much easier than it ever could be.
Necromancer Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Age is irrelevant. It's an exercise, not a competition. I'm mid 30s but look much younger. Of course its not a competition..... I just wanted to know your age because i like your posts! But i think the best advice would be to start walking straight to the women you wanna approach,like 3-5 seconds after you see her or else your going to over think and may fail at the approaching.
somedude81 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Of course its not a competition..... I just wanted to know your age because i like your posts! But i think the best advice would be to start walking straight to the women you wanna approach,like 3-5 seconds after you see her or else your going to over think and may fail at the approaching. That's called the three second rule and it's a basic PUA principle.
Necromancer Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 That's called the three second rule and it's a basic PUA principle. Haha yea,i read it in a book called "The Game" after neil strauss. Still i havn´t finished it Some really good tips there!
Cyclo Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I do get motivated by things like this. Especially after dating a girl and it comes to an end so need to move on. It's amazing how much you gear yourself up to make an approach beforehand only to feel completely overwhelmed when the situation arises.
joystickd Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I remember I was getting about 20 rejections a week. The thing is you have to thing about the worst thing you ever went through for me it was a few months in college I was scared someone was trying to kill me. It was over money issues. In my mind the rejections were nothing after that.
Sith Apprentice Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 It's all a numbers game and you're going to get rejected a lot (expect to get rejected 90% of the time if you're cold approaching strangers), but in all those rejections you'll get a few yes's. If you've never cold approached before you can go out and practice by making eye contact and saying hi to random women. I remember when I first started learning PUA materials I was scared to death at the thought of approaching strangers, but I grabbed my balls and did it. It gets easier over time and you'll learn to develop a routine for your approaches.
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