jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I like to shop. Fairly regularly. I'm into designer clothes and like to spend a decent amount. Middle of the road designer: DKNY, Diesel, Calvin Klein, Club Monaco, Penguin, and Ben Sherman, although I'm getting older and slowly transitioning into more Perry Ellis type stuff. So anyway, my clothes have never given me an edge in getting women, but I dress for myself. So, I've dated (and been on dates with) women who over the course of conversation, it has come up that I shop for clothes. Their reaction is that of shock. Literal shock. At least two women said to me, "I've never dated a man who has shopped before. I don't even have a straight male friend who shops." My reaction was, "What did he wear? The same pair of jeans and t-shirt to work every day?" I understand what the comment means. Just that a lot of men shop casually, pick out any brand and throw it in a bucket and then just buy clothes as they need them. But it almost sounded like if you're a man that enjoys fashion and shopping, you put out a non-masculine vibe. Opinions? Not that I really care what you all think and am going to stop shopping based on what you say. Just curious.
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think the fact that you go shopping is fine. What I'm curious about is why it's coming up on dates. If a woman brought up the fact that she loves shopping and drops the names of a few brands, would that be a turn on or a turn off for you? I'm personally indifferent about whether or not a man likes to shop, as long as he looks decent in what he buys. However, if the guy started telling me about his favourite stores and brands, I'd probably find that a turn off. For the record, I tell my female friends I don't care when they bring up shopping unless I've asked where a specific clothing item was from. Unsolicited, it's an irritating topic of conversation.
FitChick Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I love a man who shops if he'll shop for me. I hate shopping.
Author jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 However, if the guy started telling me about his favourite stores and brands, I'd probably find that a turn off. I should know better than to question female motives and logic at this point but why? Fashion is a common link and another potential shared common interest. You'd lose interest in a guy if he told you that he likes to shop at such and such stores and likes to dress in a certain type of style? Where is the logic behind that? And just for my record, women have exhibited shock before I start getting into the specific brands, stores, and styles.
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 OP, from my perspective as someone who enjoys 'shopping' and liked to dress and undress my exW in the store, save it for a committed relationship, at least as far as the 'shared interest' part goes. Let the lady discover that part of you later. Let your 'style' speak for itself, wrt how you dress and accessorize yourself. TBH, nearly all the women who knew of my openness and proclivity for such pursuits early-on saw or ended up seeing me as a friend, like a girlfriend, someone they could blabber ad-nauseum about the latest styles and deals. Not boyfriend material.
eerie_reverie Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I would find it a major turn off. In fact I am pretty sure I started checking out of my last relationship after going to the mall wih my ex and hearin him describe banana republic as a money pit. I think I feel this way because I hate consumer culture, view shopping as a frivoulous hobby, and find it shallow that someone would care so mug about how they look that they would spend a lot of money on it.
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I should know better than to question female motives and logic at this point but why? Fashion is a common link and another potential shared common interest. You'd lose interest in a guy if he told you that he likes to shop at such and such stores and likes to dress in a certain type of style? Where is the logic behind that? And just for my record, women have exhibited shock before I start getting into the specific brands, stores, and styles. Do you mind explaining exactly how it comes up? Is it a "So what do you like to do?" "Oh, I like to play guitar, cook, shop" sort of scenario? If it were posed to me in that way, I wouldn't care either way. My exact reaction would be "Oh haha I hate shopping". I don't think I'd question it further. I have to be a really particular shopping mood to enjoy it and I suppose it would be a turnoff for me because I -wouldn't- want it to be a shared interest. I like to surprise my boyfriend with new outfits and having him with me would negate the surprise part. Generally the women I know who like to talk about shopping are vapid, so perhaps it's also a case of you being lumped into the same category.
Author jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Do you mind explaining exactly how it comes up? Is it a "So what do you like to do?" "Oh, I like to play guitar, cook, shop" sort of scenario? If it were posed to me in that way, I wouldn't care either way. My exact reaction would be "Oh haha I hate shopping". I don't think I'd question it further. I have to be a really particular shopping mood to enjoy it and I suppose it would be a turnoff for me because I -wouldn't- want it to be a shared interest. I like to surprise my boyfriend with new outfits and having him with me would negate the surprise part. Generally the women I know who like to talk about shopping are vapid, so perhaps it's also a case of you being lumped into the same category. It comes up just as ... Me: "What did you do over the weekend?" Woman: "I went shopping with some friends." Me: "Oh. I did a little shopping too over the weekend." Woman: "YOU SHOP?!?" OR Woman: "So, where are we going today?" Me: "I thought maybe downtown to do a little shopping." Woman: "YOU SHOP?!?" Nobody who has known me on the face of this Earth for more than 5 hours would ever describe me as vapid. Of that, I'm pretty sure. Repulsive and unattractive, yes. But vapid, I doubt it. Let your 'style' speak for itself, wrt how you dress and accessorize yourself. TBH, nearly all the women who knew of my openness and proclivity for such pursuits early-on saw or ended up seeing me as a friend, like a girlfriend, someone they could blabber ad-nauseum about the latest styles and deals. Not boyfriend material. OK. I will. But I must say that's very narrow of women. Everyday I just learn something new that's a narrow minded turnoff. If I found a woman who was into football. SCORE!!!
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 That's kind of strange. I'm starting to think that there are more crazy girls out there than I ever imagined It sounds like carhill might have the only real solution -- not mentioning it. At least until you know the woman better. I do sort of get the same reaction from guys when I tell them I watch hockey and soccer so maybe it's just a gender roles thing. "YOU watch HOCKEY?" and then they proceed to interrogate me about player statistics as if to reassert that they in fact know more. It's incredibly annoying.
shocked_confused Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I like to shop. Fairly regularly. I'm into designer clothes and like to spend a decent amount. Middle of the road designer: DKNY, Diesel, Calvin Klein, Club Monaco, Penguin, and Ben Sherman, although I'm getting older and slowly transitioning into more Perry Ellis type stuff. So anyway, my clothes have never given me an edge in getting women, but I dress for myself. So, I've dated (and been on dates with) women who over the course of conversation, it has come up that I shop for clothes. Their reaction is that of shock. Literal shock. At least two women said to me, "I've never dated a man who has shopped before. I don't even have a straight male friend who shops." My reaction was, "What did he wear? The same pair of jeans and t-shirt to work every day?" I understand what the comment means. Just that a lot of men shop casually, pick out any brand and throw it in a bucket and then just buy clothes as they need them. But it almost sounded like if you're a man that enjoys fashion and shopping, you put out a non-masculine vibe. Opinions? Not that I really care what you all think and am going to stop shopping based on what you say. Just curious. I personally love guys like you. Those brands you mentioned would definitely be in my top 10 favorite brands for guys. Shopping is one of my interests so it would definitely come up in conversation at somepoint. I think it's great to share a nice saturday afternoon shopping with your man. It's like bonding time in my opinion I know some girls would find it a turn off, but my friends and I love that in a guy. So don't change, there's girls who love that ****.
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I used to take my exW with me when I'd get clothes tailored, to get the perspective of someone who had a great eye for visuals. By the time I met her, I had learned to keep my mouth shut and *show* a woman my interest in, skills at and proclivities for certain aspects of how I acquired the few things I value in life. Prior experiences in the girlfriend-zone had taught me well. As proof of that, amongst my circle of male friends, I know of *none* who enjoy shopping with their wives. They do it, sure, but it isn't anything they live for. In most cases, the wives buy the husband's clothes, mostly without his presence. I'm an outlier in that regard. Perhaps having a mother who sold men's clothing affected my perspective, IDK.
stillafool Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Very much a turn off. I like a man to be clean and well dressed but please don't talk about your clothes too much.
Author jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Highly unattractive (to me). HIGHLY unattractive? As in you want a man who wears clothes from K-mart and Marshalls? Because any man who has any decent selection of clothes does SOME shopping. You do realize that right? Very much a turn off. I like a man to be clean and well dressed but please don't talk about your clothes too much. Man, sometimes I wonder why I even bother...
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 HIGHLY unattractive? As in you want a man who wears clothes from K-mart and Marshalls? Because any man who has any decent selection of clothes does SOME shopping. You do realize that right? Man, sometimes I wonder why I even bother... Pretty much it's better if you just keep your mouth shut in general
Author jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 I used to take my exW with me when I'd get clothes tailored, to get the perspective of someone who had a great eye for visuals. By the time I met her, I had learned to keep my mouth shut and *show* a woman my interest in, skills at and proclivities for certain aspects of how I acquired the few things I value in life. Prior experiences in the girlfriend-zone had taught me well. As proof of that, amongst my circle of male friends, I know of *none* who enjoy shopping with their wives. They do it, sure, but it isn't anything they live for. In most cases, the wives buy the husband's clothes, mostly without his presence. I'm an outlier in that regard. Perhaps having a mother who sold men's clothing affected my perspective, IDK. PATHETIC! I might be able to keep my mouth shut about it, but I won't let a woman dress me like a 6 year old boy. F@ck all the narrow and closed minded skanks. I'm gonna wear what I want to wear. Gotta draw the line somewhere...
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 PATHETIC! I might be able to keep my mouth shut about it, but I won't let a woman dress me like a 6 year old boy. F@ck all the narrow and closed minded skanks. I'm gonna wear what I want to wear. Gotta draw the line somewhere... Wowza, from nice discussion to women being skanks, awesome. It really isn't all women that have issues with that, shocked_confused is an example of someone who that would be a turn on for. My boyfriend now hates shopping but he shops at some of the same stores you mentioned, he just doesn't bring it up except to btch when he has to go do it. My ex hated shopping with a passion (he was a bit introverted and I think he had a hard time imagining what would look good on him so he'd grab the first thing he saw and be disappointed) and would ask me to come with him. It took about three months for me to convince him to try something on. There is a big difference between people saying "I like to dress nicely" and "I buy my clothes from Kmart". They aren't mutually exclusive, nor is it a guarantee that someone who likes to shop buys things that are attractive. Women who demand they be allowed to dress their significant others are out of line, but it can be an act of love when the person truly does not enjoy doing it.
O'Malley Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 OP, from my perspective as someone who enjoys 'shopping' and liked to dress and undress my exW in the store, save it for a committed relationship, at least as far as the 'shared interest' part goes. Let the lady discover that part of you later. Let your 'style' speak for itself, wrt how you dress and accessorize yourself. TBH, nearly all the women who knew of my openness and proclivity for such pursuits early-on saw or ended up seeing me as a friend, like a girlfriend, someone they could blabber ad-nauseum about the latest styles and deals. Not boyfriend material. An emphasis on the bolded. I'd have no issue with your interests if I was into certain designers and fashion trends, but I do my shopping at thrift stores (where you can find, on occasion, vintage designer coats and outfits that have previously been in a closet for 20 years -- something to keep in mind). I grew up with a mother and grandmother who were extremely skilled at sewing, so I'm more interested in the cut and style of garments rather than the designer or what's currently 'in'. Life isn't always fair in the perceptions people will make about you. There are a smaller subset of women who would enjoy the benefits of having a guy who had a genuine interest in and knowledge about style for its own sake, but you're likely going to have to look for them in certain career fields.
dasein Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 My sex and relationship life got infinitely better once I started paying basic attention to my clothing. Women are certainly free to form whatever impression they want, and are welcome to share those impressions with my headboard between gasps. Yes, I am channeling Ryan Gosling from "Crazy, Stupid Love."
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 PATHETIC! I might be able to keep my mouth shut about it, but I won't let a woman dress me like a 6 year old boy. F@ck all the narrow and closed minded skanks. I'm gonna wear what I want to wear. Gotta draw the line somewhere... In my generation, it's known more as 'division of labor' in long marriages and quite similar to how things worked at the carhill household when tricycle boy was growing up. Have things evolved over the decades? Sure. However, even where the 'old ways' persist, these men, many successful business people and executives, dress and accessorize with style at their wives hand and eye, with his input. A successful man knows how to delegate without losing his own vision. I think hearing from the women here, as well as historical anecdotes like I've offered, is valuable information as to what potentials are out there. Would this issue be an irreconcilable incompatibility? Perhaps. Good to know those things going in, IMO.
Ilovewater Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 (edited) I don't mind if a guy likes to shop, but I don't want to hear him go on about it because I'm not much of a shopper myself. I have a few guy friends who are really into shopping, and it drives me up the wall when they rattle on and on about their shopping experience like how they purchased Seven jeans on sale for $130 or some shoes from Neiman Marcus for $100+. I like a man who knows how to dress well, but at some point, it just becomes a waste of money and time. Plenty of women out there love men who like to shop though. Just have to find them. For the record, I also don't enjoy having conversations with other women about shopping, so it's not just a gender thing. Edited December 6, 2011 by Ilovewater
OnyxSnowfall Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 HIGHLY unattractive? As in you want a man who wears clothes from K-mart and Marshalls? Because any man who has any decent selection of clothes does SOME shopping. You do realize that right? Man, sometimes I wonder why I even bother... Yes, highly unattractive. I don't want a man who is into fashion and clothing styles etc :lmao: But I myself am not personally into such things... and it would just be very off-putting to have a romantic prospect "enlighten" me with brand names and other such **** that I could careless about No thanks....... end of prospect, there
Wolf18 Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I'm a man but I'm going to make fun of you too. Men who are obsessed with clothes are the anti-thesis of masculine. I have not gone out to buy clothes in about 3 years when I went to get a pair of Dr Martens. My ma picks me up shirts and jeans here and there (usually from the Gap lol). My wardrobe as a whole consists of the same clothes, just duplicated, the only clothes I buy are offensive tshirts with people like Benito Mussolini on them that I order online, I don't think that counts as shopping though. Man up. Get your mommy to clothe you. If I had a girlfriend, she would fill the role of clothing me. By the way, I don't know about you, but I hate advertising some gay guys name on my body.
ShannonMI Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I like to shop. Fairly regularly. I'm into designer clothes and like to spend a decent amount. Middle of the road designer: DKNY, Diesel, Calvin Klein, Club Monaco, Penguin, and Ben Sherman, although I'm getting older and slowly transitioning into more Perry Ellis type stuff. So anyway, my clothes have never given me an edge in getting women, but I dress for myself. So, I've dated (and been on dates with) women who over the course of conversation, it has come up that I shop for clothes. Their reaction is that of shock. Literal shock. At least two women said to me, "I've never dated a man who has shopped before. I don't even have a straight male friend who shops." My reaction was, "What did he wear? The same pair of jeans and t-shirt to work every day?" I understand what the comment means. Just that a lot of men shop casually, pick out any brand and throw it in a bucket and then just buy clothes as they need them. But it almost sounded like if you're a man that enjoys fashion and shopping, you put out a non-masculine vibe. Opinions? Not that I really care what you all think and am going to stop shopping based on what you say. Just curious. Who are these women you are dating? What woman doesn't like a man who looks good? I love a man that dresses well. I also love a man who will go shopping with me and not follow me around saying "are you done yet??" I had a boyfriend that would do that to me. Instead of helping me look or sitting on a bench outside of the store, he would harass me. And what was funny was that he dressed well. He liked shopping FOR HIMSELF and would always want my opinion on clothes. But when I wanted opinions, he'd huff and puff. Jerk:rolleyes: Other guys I've dated have been great shoppers. It all depends on the man.
ShannonMI Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I'm a man but I'm going to make fun of you too. Men who are obsessed with clothes are the anti-thesis of masculine. I have not gone out to buy clothes in about 3 years when I went to get a pair of Dr Martens. My ma picks me up shirts and jeans here and there (usually from the Gap lol). My wardrobe as a whole consists of the same clothes, just duplicated, the only clothes I buy are offensive tshirts with people like Benito Mussolini on them that I order online, I don't think that counts as shopping though. Man up. Get your mommy to clothe you. If I had a girlfriend, she would fill the role of clothing me. By the way, I don't know about you, but I hate advertising some gay guys name on my body. Shut your trap, Wolfie. Getting your mother to dress you is absurd. That's not maning up, that's babying down. Does she wipe your fanny too? I love shopping for my men. I would have you dressed soooooooo well:love: You'd look like a male model if I got my hands on you.
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