PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 The NC rule was broken as you can see, we spoke somewhat. He lives in a different state than i do which is the main reason why we broke it off due to the distance, we dated for 6 years and broke up last month in November. His career is also unstable and difficult (Military lifestyle). While we spoke, i was trying my best to stay firm and strong and i did, he cried and told me he misses me so much he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he loves me so much and he wants me in his life, that he cant stop thinking/dreaming about me etc.. etc... He wants to fly me down to his base to talk things to try and fix things because he doesn't want to loose me and figure things out to make it work. He will pay for everything to get me there. I just don't know where this is heading, or whether it will work out, we have been inseparable for the 6 years that we have been together and the long distance was so hard on our relationship due to the flying around for the past couple of months back and forth and barely getting a chance to see each other etc.. He talks about marriage and everything but i am so confused. I still love him and care about him very much we have had such a beautiful relationship of course we have had our shared of arguments /disagreements etc no relationship is perfect but we do love each other a lot. Should i go visit him?I just don't want to get my hopes up. I dont know what to do what do you suggest from your point of view? Please any advice greatly appreciated...am so confused
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 (edited) Does he have Christmas leave? If so, if he's truly interested in putting actions to his words, he'll go SpaceA (MAC flight) or revenue and come to you. Edited December 6, 2011 by carhill
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 i work all through week through christmas through the 2nd of january 2012, so i won't be able to see him then, so he is taking a few days off to spend time with me when i go down there before that. If i decide to go of course... god i can't stop looking at my phone hoping i get some text messages from him so frustrating cant take this!
mike588 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 The NC rule was broken as you can see, we spoke somewhat. He lives in a different state than i do which is the main reason why we broke it off due to the distance, we dated for 6 years and broke up last month in November. His career is also unstable and difficult (Military lifestyle). While we spoke, i was trying my best to stay firm and strong and i did, he cried and told me he misses me so much he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he loves me so much and he wants me in his life, that he cant stop thinking/dreaming about me etc.. etc... He wants to fly me down to his base to talk things to try and fix things because he doesn't want to loose me and figure things out to make it work. He will pay for everything to get me there. I just don't know where this is heading, or whether it will work out, we have been inseparable for the 6 years that we have been together and the long distance was so hard on our relationship due to the flying around for the past couple of months back and forth and barely getting a chance to see each other etc.. He talks about marriage and everything but i am so confused. I still love him and care about him very much we have had such a beautiful relationship of course we have had our shared of arguments /disagreements etc no relationship is perfect but we do love each other a lot. Should i go visit him?I just don't want to get my hopes up. I dont know what to do what do you suggest from your point of view? Please any advice greatly appreciated...am so confused As long as he pays for it and you want to give it another try then go for it but meet him with knowing your just there to feel things out and don't get your expectations to high,, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Still nothing stopping him from coming while he has leave, even if you're working. Work is a part of life. He's a grown man and can occupy himself. He's the one who wants to 'fix' things.
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 (edited) Even if we talk for ever, the reality is, that distance is really tough, and him been in the military does not help either, i feel like i can only have half of him, and its so hard. So even if we agree to talk meet up or what not, the big issue is that, we are not really together, together since there are so many things in the middle. But he cant just leave his career like some of us can, so he is frustrated because he wants us to be together so bad, but i cant stand talking to him just a few mins, every other day or once in a blue moon, and visitng him whenever we get a chance or a holiday weekend, or idk it does not feel like a relationship and now his career is so serious it restricts our relationship and its so frustrating. I don't know what to do. The only way we can actually be together and stay together is marriage but i need to finish school, if i get married to him i would have to drop everything i am doing to risk it all to be with him, i dont know if that is the smartest thing to do. Risking everything for the one you love not knowing what to expect in the long run... and you ending up disappointed since they are set and your not. I am not sure that throwing myself blindly like that is a good idea. I am scared of love in a way, is it ever lasting. My parents have been together for ever, i wish i had that,but now a days it seems so hard to find someone that sticks you know? so many issues, am so confused... Edited December 6, 2011 by PinkPunkCosmo
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 What you're sharing, especially that, if you were to choose to be with him, you'd have to follow wherever his career took him in the world, is precisely why I'm hammering away that he should sacrifice and come to see you, accepting whatever those circumstances are, to 'fix' this. Otherwise, it's one way, his way. If he wants to see you bad enough, he'll work it out. I'll repeat a phrase I can't take credit for but see often repeated on LS: "We teach people how to treat us"
othersideofthepillow Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I was in the military for 5 years. I knew tons of ppl that made LDR work. I also knew tons that didn't. It ALL depends on the ppl involved in them. Trust me I know the pain of not having them physically with you, i deployed numerous times as well as was stationed in different locations than with the person i wanted to be with. I agree that if he really wants to fix things, have him come to you. Regardless of you working he is a grown man and can find things to occupy his time while you are working. It's up to you if you wanna o see him - i mean if he's paying for it that does speak for how much he wants you to be there. Just be prepared for what happens if it goes sour and your stuck there waiting for your return flight home? As a former military guy that was away from the ppl he wanted to be with, if i made the offer for that - have you fly out there - that would mean that i was serious about wanting to make things work. Hopefully my input helps! ------ try not checking your phone all the time too....i know its hard but it makes things so much more stressful. sometimes i leave my phone at home just to not have to check it
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 I was in the military for 5 years. I knew tons of ppl that made LDR work. I also knew tons that didn't. It ALL depends on the ppl involved in them. Trust me I know the pain of not having them physically with you, i deployed numerous times as well as was stationed in different locations than with the person i wanted to be with. As a former military guy that was away from the ppl he wanted to be with, if i made the offer for that - have you fly out there - that would mean that i was serious about wanting to make things work. Your input means everything! Thank you so much specially coming from guy who was in the military. Which may i bother you for some more feedback? Okay, he just moved in to his new base for the first time, he was really stressed out with all that was going trying to figure things out and all on his own over there, so he put me on the side a bit about getting serious with marriage and stuff because he told me he did not want to send for me and not knowing how things even work and been unable to provide for me like he should etc.. ( which i have always been independent and work hard etc.. i am not the one to ask for a dime, he knows it and he would even get mad at me that i didn't let him help me out financially for anything silly things i just love him for him not his money) i was a bit frustrated since i hate us been apart or what not, then now he tells me, he wants to do this that we can make it work etc.. now he knows what is like, he doesn't want to wait, he wants us to be together get married etc.. I am just worried, to dive in those waters, believe and trust him then end up disappointment. But i guess we cant ever really know what to expect. Anyway, my question is, In the military once you are on base are you able to travel? like on weekends and stuff whenever you want? He is caught up with work and already took vacation days off last month. Even if he took his vacation days off can he still leave base even if its not like a holiday or something? Since he is kind of new in to it, he asked me to go visit him, that he will take care of all the expenses and to not worry about it that he just wants me there with him. IF by any chance we do happen to get married, how long would it take for us to actually be able to live together does it take a long time the process of it all? He hasnt been deployed just yet and i cant imagine it either am willing to stand by him no matter what. His job is his life now i cant change it, and i know he cant help it either.
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 What you're sharing, especially that, if you were to choose to be with him, you'd have to follow wherever his career took him in the world, is precisely why I'm hammering away that he should sacrifice and come to see you, accepting whatever those circumstances are, to 'fix' this. Otherwise, it's one way, his way. If he wants to see you bad enough, he'll work it out. I'll repeat a phrase I can't take credit for but see often repeated on LS: "We teach people how to treat us" Thank you so much for your feedback your right. i mean he cant change it the fact that his job is demanding and strict and he gets frustrated that we are not together and feels helpless that he cant do anything about it, he really wants me to go over there to talk and s trying to even get a few days off to actually spend all those days together if i do decide to go, so i guess that is big on his part. If i do decide to do this, i will have to just deal with it, i mean sacrificing everything for him seems a bit intimidating since he cant do the same for me and i know that sounds bad but i dont want to loose everything i am and have for him to walk out of my life. I guess i am just been negative and should go with the flow of things but is hard to not think about things when it will affect your life. I dont know if he will be there forever and i guess i just wish i had some sort of security but i guess relationships are like that otherwise we wouldnt even bother to try.
othersideofthepillow Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 1.In the military once you are on base are you able to travel? like on weekends and stuff whenever you want? 2.Even if he took his vacation days off can he still leave base even if its not like a holiday or something? 3.IF by any chance we do happen to get married, how long would it take for us to actually be able to live together does it take a long time the process of it all? He hasnt been deployed just yet and i cant imagine it either am willing to stand by him no matter what. Not a problem. Glad i could help. I broke down your questions so here are your answers: 1. Depending on his job, weekends and holidays are just like in the regular work force. you go in a certain time and you get off at a certain time. you may leave base during those hours. in essence, unless he is required to stay on the base for a specific reason, he doesnt have to stay on it. he can come and go freely. 2.pretty much answered this one in #1 3. the process/smoothness of getting married really depends on the unit that will be doing the paperwork. some are really good at it and get it done quickly. some of them are awful and make it drag out. if he just got in to the military he will be lower on the "rank" side of things so he will have a more limited freedom than others (with my rank i was able to pretty much come and go as i please[as long as i did all my work]). it is like carhill posted though that he needs to put forth a effort to make this work since he was the one that messed things up and ended it originally. there are always holidays/extended weekends that come up that he can take off and come back and see you. he will just need approval to do so. if you feel that it is worth it in the end, well both of you do that is, and you BOTH take the steps that need to be taken to make this work than you should def do it. but with him being a military guy, if he has to leave than you will spend time apart. if you want to know anything else just feel free to ask. send me a private message if you want and ill answer them if you have a lot.
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 The OP won't have PM privileges for another 26-27 days unless she subscribes. Great hearing your perspective, OSOP, as your information is likely more current than mine. Most of my friend's kids who are deployed overseas are screwed for holidays but the stateside ones appear to get generous leave at Christmas/New Years.
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Thank so much for the feedback, i really do love him a lot, and if he really loves me back like he claims he does then it will work out. We had a great relationship and I just hate it that i am the one putting up all the effort and because of his "military" excuses he cant put some effort right back. If its meant to be it will be, if he wants to see me, okay, i am willing to try and talk. After that its up to him, i am putting one last effort am not going to deny that from him since he is also willing. Thanks for the feedback. Ill wait later on today to see if he still wants to talk and meet up if not am officially done. I guess we all need a wake up call as to when you should stop trying and move on instead of just NC with the hopes of still hearing from them.
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 The OP won't have PM privileges for another 26-27 days unless she subscribes. Are you referring to if i were to marry him i won't be able to live/be with him until around this time? thats not that bad. Or did i misread the information? I am willing to deal with it, i just don't want any more excuses from his part. He is into it and it means a lot to him, and he gets frustrated that am not there with him through it all but he also needs to consider me as well. Its so frustrating.
othersideofthepillow Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 yup thats how it works. the deployed ones get shafted (i spent Christmas and New Years overseas) but when your still stateside you get at least 4 days for each holiday and depending on if you have time saved up you can take them in conjunction to the 4 days and have a massive vacation home. i think that you just need to spend a little bit of time together before you start talking about marriage and everything that goes along with it. take some time together while he is at his base and see what its like on a daily - having him go to work and than come back, than having a weekend together. that will be a gauge of what it will be like for you. military life is very tough on people emotions. you need to find out if BOTH of you can handle it before you both jump in feet first. like i said originally i knew young ppl in the military that made it just fine and i knew a lot that tanked within the first few months. i know for me i had a blast the entire time but i was really lonely not having "that person" while i was in. i know that would have let me enjoy my time that much more but hey we all dont get everything when we want it (like my ex coming back to me lol).
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Are you referring to if i were to marry him i won't be able to live/be with him until around this time? thats not that bad. Or did i misread the information? I am willing to deal with it, i just don't want any more excuses from his part. He is into it and it means a lot to him, and he gets frustrated that am not there with him through it all but he also needs to consider me as well. Its so frustrating. No, I meant you won't have PM (private message) privileges on LS for another 26-27 days. It's a month and 100 posts, or subscribing, that gets that privilege.
Author PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 military life is very tough on people emotions. you need to find out if BOTH of you can handle it before you both jump in feet first. like i said originally i knew young ppl in the military that made it just fine and i knew a lot that tanked within the first few months. i know for me i had a blast the entire time but i was really lonely not having "that person" while i was in. i know that would have let me enjoy my time that much more but hey we all dont get everything when we want it (like my ex coming back to me lol). i guess we always have to sacrifice something. As for this relationship i rather have him in my life somehow than not at all. About your ex am sorry to hear that. Have you two spoken lately? How long have you guys been apart? Hang in there, i am so anxious, i keep trying not to but i cant help but check my phone haha, he hasnt texted me he only responded earlier saying he doesnt get reception in the building he works at which okay fair enough maybe he will contact me later?! i hope??! but ughhh.. i miss him lol. I dont want to bother him so much but i cant help it!! I really love him a lot, after 6 years he still makes me nervous lol last night he said he was nervous talking to me that i still give him butterflies and he is so happy we spoke lol. I dont want to get my hopes up either:o. With regards to the marriage topic, i know some that got married after just dating for a year even less. That to me is risky, we have been together for 6 years and are just now just THINKING about it because it has come to the point where our lives are heading different directions and its something to consider if we want to stay together. am nervous waiting to hear from him later today...i dont know how this will go and i hope it will be okay.
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