Feelsgoodman Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 And I find myself embarrassed to bring him out with friends and family, because he's such a burnout. (FYI: I'm not some teetotaler -- I was a pothead myself in my early 20s and still toke up maybe twice a month.) Umm, what? You are a drug user yourself and criticize him for being a pot head? Double standards much? If you are a 30 year old woman who tokes up twice a month, I'd be embarrassed to bring YOU out with friends and family, let alone have kids with you (how am I supposed to raise my kids to be normal, health-conscious, law-abiding and drug-fee when their own mother is a user of illegal narcotic substances?) The fact that you dope up less frequently does not make you a better person. You are still a doper and a habitual law-breaker, just like your "boyfriend". No wonder you can't get hots for a normal guy. Birds of a feather flock together. You really should be ashamed of yourself.
OliveOyl Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I know MJ is very very difficult to give up. I don't use it, but my BF used to be addicted to both pot and alcohol. He gave up both completely, but he says he misses the pot more than the alcohol. But he saw how it was affecting his job and his motivation and it took losing a few important things (including a former relationship) to finally get him to shake it. I don't have any actual words of advice for you except regardless of what you choose to do, honor the connection you do have, and don't discredit it. Physical connection is important to you. It's important to me too. That's something that took me over 15 years to figure out. Strangely enough I have the same feeling with my BF that you described... just his physical touch completely soothes me. I wonder if there's any relationship to the former pot smoking...
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I'm 30/F and have been with "Stoned Boy" for close to two years. The chemistry with SB has been strong and instinctual from the start. We experienced drunken fireworks the first night we met and ended up aggressively making out in the corner of a bar; we slept together on our first date. Both of us were anticipating a fun fling and nothing more. But then something funny happened: It didn't end. Centrifugal force kept pulling us together and we started seeing each other regularly. Despite some of my doubts about SB, including that he was a 30-year-old pothead with a lot of immaturity, I found that I felt incredibly physically connected with him. It wasn't just the sex, which, yes, has been the best of my life. But in general, his touch just soothes me instantly. We fall asleep holding hands and hold each other all night. I've never experienced such natural and loving affection with someone. So we are terrific "lovers" but, after almost two years, our relationship is failing to get off the ground in any normal or stable way. His problem with me is that I'm elusive and keep my distance. For me, these defenses are necessary because I'm dealing with a total stoner. Over time his addiction to pot (i.e. he's a teacher who wakes and bakes before going to school) has become more and more disheartening to me. And I find myself embarrassed to bring him out with friends and family, because he's such a burnout. (FYI: I'm not some teetotaler -- I was a pothead myself in my early 20s and still toke up maybe twice a month.) SB and I have had circular conversations about the weed problem, where he tells me he can't consider giving up something he likes so much if he has no assurances I can finally get serious and real with him -- and me telling him I can't get serious and real without having assurances that he's capable of quitting. Deep down I know I can't be the one to change his ways, and it's probably time to walk away. But I'm finding it SO hard to turn my back on such a once-in-a-lifetime physical compatibility. During my one "break" with SB during the past two years, I went on a couple dates/hooked up with a guy who I have awesome mental chemistry with... but found myself just staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, pining for my gentle, sexy SB. I know I'll find myself right back there again. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? Oh Lord girl I could have written this post myself. I had a 37 year old ex SB that I had a INSANE sexual relationship with. He's from Cali and I'm from NY. He came to NY to work last summer and we dated and got on like a house on fire. Best sex of my existence. I dumped him after 4 months though because he was pot head, bipolar and just an overall loser. But damn the sex was off the chain. I used to beg him to quit because I saw how it made him act. It exasperated his manias too which was bad. He didn't want to listen to me so he got the ol heave ho. He went back to Cali and I still hear from him everyday. Through text or he calls me. I try not to initiate the contact, but sometimes I do. It's hard to get him out of my system. REALLY hard. I think about him all the time. I dream about him, I fantasize about him, the whole 9 yards. It sucks. If he was here, even though he's no good for me, I'd be sleeping with him. No question about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to him. It's a terrible feeling. Right now he's in rehab for his pot addiction. Yes, he's addicted to that sh*t. People say it's not addictive, but it is. He's living proof. If he were to kick the habit, take his bipolar meds I would consider dating him again. Until then, I couldn't. Sigh.....I'm glad there is someone else like me feeling this.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Physical chemistry is only one part of the deal...depending on the type of person you are I think you can have a lot of of physical chemistry with more than a few people...it doesn't mean you fall in love with them or spend the rest of your lives with them....hell I'd be screwed if that was the case. For myself, I tend to give a lot of people that impression as well...but they don't realize I have physical chemistry often, so that's probably something that has more to do with me than them if i keep hearing it from most people. There's one person I have dated where I could touch her in just about any way and instantly turn her on, she literally shakes around me. And although we have great sex and she was willing to throw herself helplessly at me, the emotional reciprocation was not there...I didn't feel inclined as emotionally although i did care very much for her. We both recognized this and understood the relationship for what it was. So just because of "insane physical chemistry" If you ask me that can be the guy...I'm very affectionate, passionate and a good lover I have been repeatedly told, but that is not the holy grail...that's for someone who is truly supportive, there for you and you have a more balanced and equal relationship with. And without the emotions you'll never be satisfied..not to mention this guy just sounds like a waste overall, I think you're just sprung. Life isn't about being partially happy in a relationship, at least not for me.
Author Standard-Fare Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 The fact that you dope up less frequently does not make you a better person. You are still a doper and a habitual law-breaker, just like your "boyfriend". No wonder you can't get hots for a normal guy. Birds of a feather flock together. You really should be ashamed of yourself. I think most of us would agree that your post is not helpful at all. Yes, there's a difference between an occasional smoker and a habitual one -- just like there's a difference between a social drinker and a serious alcoholic. The people I'm seeking advice from here are not ones who want to have debates about the legality and morality of marijuana. But thanks, anyway?
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think most of us would agree that your post is not helpful at all. Yes, there's a difference between an occasional smoker and a habitual one -- just like there's a difference between a social drinker and a serious alcoholic. The people I'm seeking advice from here are not ones who want to have debates about the legality and morality of marijuana. But thanks, anyway? Honey, put that @sshole on the ignore list. He's a woman hater. I've got him on ignore. The only reason I was able to read his post is because you commented on it. Otherwise I can't read a word he says which is how I like it. I can't stand that guy. He's very bitter and talks trash about women 24/7 on this site. Must not get too many dates or perhaps has a tiny one and no woman wants him:cool:
Author Standard-Fare Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Strangely enough I have the same feeling with my BF that you described... just his physical touch completely soothes me. I wonder if there's any relationship to the former pot smoking... I think stoners tend to be sleepy and sweet and gentle. The weed can produce that effect. So -- perfect to sleep with, esp. when combined with great sex. But it seems like you have the right idea in dating a FORMER stoner. Just came across this old article [/url]on Nerve.com that offers some relevant thoughts: "With a stoner, there's little post-coital conversation but a lot of comfort. They're like Xanax in human form." "So I believe I have found myself the perfect stoner — a former one. He still has that languid, sexy quality I love, but now that he's off the weed, sex is intense and great. He's post-coitally thoughtful. He never pressures me about anything. He can ignore what needs to be done — the dishes, the laundry, taxes — but will organize a booty call at any hour. He still runs out of toilet paper on a regular basis, but he always remembers my birthday."
Wolf18 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 In my experience... YES!!! So if women can only be attracted to a miniscule percentage of males, what right do they have to complain? Are the resident complainers here really that far off from the truth then? I guess attractive people outnumber smart/interesting/mature people only in the eyes of men. In the eyes of women it's the other way around And lol @ going to rehab for pot, what a joke. I smoked every other day from jr high through high school until senior year, just quit one day to the other. No real withdrawal symptoms, only complaint was somewhat of a reduction in appetite, trouble sleeping for the first 2 weeks, and finding out that the world sucks ass
Feelsgoodman Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think most of us would agree that your post is not helpful at all. Yes, there's a difference between an occasional smoker and a habitual one -- just like there's a difference between a social drinker and a serious alcoholic. The people I'm seeking advice from here are not ones who want to have debates about the legality and morality of marijuana. But thanks, anyway? Alcohol is not an illegal substance. Buying alcohol does not contribute to the underground black market economy. Buying alcohol does not put money in the pockets of criminal gangs. If you want to smoke pot, become a pot activist and fight to have it legalized. But I cannot accept the casual way in which you habitually break the law. That sort of criminal mentality is not something I'd want to see in the mother of my children. You say that my post is not helpful, but you didn't even understand the message I was trying to convey. You need to work on yourself before you can successfully work on your boyfriend. If you manage to overcome your cravings for cannabis and become dope-free, maybe your boyfriend will be inspired by your example and drop pot smoking too.
carhill Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 OP, why are you embarrassed to have your BF around family and friends? Here's your words: "I find myself embarrassed to bring him out with friends and family, because he's such a burnout." What does 'such a burnout' mean and why is a burnout embarrassing? Also, presuming your friends don't place moral judgments on your lifestyle, I can't imagine his MJ use being in any way connected to that embarrassment. His 'mellow' nature is part of his lifestyle and presumably theirs, so compatible. I'm struggling to understand this, and apparently such matters cause you grave enough concern that you are considering ending things with a man whom you find great physical and emotional connection with. Again, what's your plan to resolve this?
Author Standard-Fare Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 So, since you've apparently enjoyed MJ recreationally for a long time, did that all-consuming relationship of a decade or so ago also feature shared MJ use? What I'm looking for is patterns, not to indict but to work out the 'why', both 'why' you have such an intense connection with this man and also 'why', even as an admitted recreational MJ user yourself, you find aspects of his daily use and resultant effects to be deleterious to your vision of this relationship long-term, even though it (the 'connection') is immensely satisfying to you currently. So, having read the thread and reflected upon the responses, what's your plan? What do you see as your path? With my first serious relationship when I was much younger, I started out as a non-pot-smoker and became a pothead during the course of the relationship. My partner didn't smoke at all. The relationship also became long-distance and had a lot of other factors going on, so it's probably not worth drawing comparisons between that and the present day. My partner was a 100 percent different type of person than this one (including in gender.... OOOH curveball, right? I know that opens up a can of worms but let's not even go there). As far as how I plan to respond to my present situation -- Stoned Boy and I have had a lot of fights and conflicts recently over this issue, and we've been hanging out less and less. I sense that he's drawing back from me as much as I am from him. Whether we need to have a big "goodbye, this is officially over" talk where we hash out our feelings a last time, I don't know. I'm a woman, so I'd probably prefer that for a sense of resolution, but may easier if we just gradually... drift away from each other with our broken hearts.
dasein Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I could smell the profits in the air. Ah, the sweet aroma of the bud in autumn. I stuck to the road and didn't linger. That kind of "not lingering" feeling is what has kept me from ever going out there and helping them. Apparently it's like my grandfather's family hogs at the turn of the century, they didn't use fences back then, but take a neighbor's hog for your own (or even be "around" the neighbor's stock) and you might be in for an unfortunate "encounter." LOL
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 So if women can only be attracted to a miniscule percentage of males, what right do they have to complain? Are the resident complainers here really that far off from the truth then? I guess attractive people outnumber smart/interesting/mature people only in the eyes of men. In the eyes of women it's the other way around And lol @ going to rehab for pot, what a joke. I smoked every other day from jr high through high school until senior year, just quit one day to the other. No real withdrawal symptoms, only complaint was somewhat of a reduction in appetite, trouble sleeping for the first 2 weeks, and finding out that the world sucks ass It's not a joke, Wolfie. Some people have addictive personalities and some do not. My ex has one. He's also bipolar and thinks the weed helps with his symptoms. It makes them worse actually, but he doesn't think so. Love, love, love your avatar BTW:love::love:
stillafool Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I kknow I would rather be around pot smokers than alcoholics anyday.
Wolf18 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 It's not a joke, Wolfie. Some people have addictive personalities and some do not. My ex has one. He's also bipolar and thinks the weed helps with his symptoms. It makes them worse actually, but he doesn't think so.[/Quote] BE aware shannon, that "Bipolar medication" is as bad or worse than smoking weed. Just because your drug dealer wears a labcoat, doesn't mean his motives are any different from any drug dealer on the street. Love, love, love your avatar BTW:love::love: Melonas, bannanas, ya, Tutti Frutti Summer love
Woggle Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Being stoned every day is not good but weed is much less harmful than alcohol and many prescription drugs. The last two have killed people while nobody has overdosed on weed.
grkBoy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? Imagine a friend of yours told you all this. What would you tell her? The problem with your scenario is you let lust and oxytocin rule your life. You're the same story as every girl I've known who somehow ended up in bed with a guy they originally would never be with, but now can't get enough of him because the sex is to amazing to them. So far, all I see here is what I see in the "drunk alcoholic" or "bad boy" scenarios. You think this man would be perfect for you if he only changed a few things. In the real world, people aren't going to change like that unless they think the man or woman in question is that "worth it". His actions have shown you're not "worth it" enough to him to give up pot. So you have three choices: a) Stay with him and accept his immaturity and stoner ways. b) Dump him and date someone else who might be more what you really want in a man. c) Be alone. There is no "d) Keep working on him until he changes" choice. You're pretty much acting like every woman I've seen who took on a FB/FWB because they really want the guy to be their BF, but he won't commit...so she'll keep sleeping with him and working on him hoping he'll change. Never once seen it work out. Usually the girl gets fed up or gets her heart broken, and thus she realizes all that was there was sex...nothing more. Seen a few bitches (and I mean bitches) who then married some "nice guy" while banging their FB on the side...believing they can "have it all" by splitting things among two men.
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 BE aware shannon, that "Bipolar medication" is as bad or worse than smoking weed. Just because your drug dealer wears a labcoat, doesn't mean his motives are any different from any drug dealer on the street. Melonas, bannanas, ya, Tutti Frutti Summer love Yes I'm sure. He's currently on Lithium and says he feels better then he's ever felt in years, so who the hell knows. The meds are helping him now. What I worry about is him using again. He's already talking about it. Weed will f*ck up his meds. I don't know who the dude is in your avatar, but he is one sexy mother f*cker;)
Wolf18 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Yes I'm sure. He's currently on Lithium and says he feels better then he's ever felt in years, so who the hell knows. The meds are helping him now. What I worry about is him using again. He's already talking about it. Weed will f*ck up his meds. I don't know who the dude is in your avatar, but he is one sexy mother f*cker;) http://youtu.be/DbYtqAWDF2U
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 http://youtu.be/DbYtqAWDF2U O M F-ing G!!!!!! HOT!!!!!!!!!! Love his bootie and 70's porn star 'stach. Is that guy for real or is he a parody of someone?:lmao:
Wolf18 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 O M F-ing G!!!!!! HOT!!!!!!!!!! Love his bootie and 70's porn star 'stach. Is that guy for real or is he a parody of someone?:lmao: It's real I am eagerly anticipating his next album, Dirty Man Swedish Sex Beast
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 It's real I am eagerly anticipating his next album, Dirty Man Swedish Sex Beast You are lying. The dude is a joke. He is quite handsome though:love: Great album title too:lmao:
Wolf18 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 You are lying. The dude is a joke. He is quite handsome though:love: Great album title too:lmao: He is 100% real. Euro club music is littered with Gunthers.
ShannonMI Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 He is 100% real. Euro club music is littered with Gunthers. Oh Lordy....too damn funny:lmao:
Elysian Powder Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 You are lying. The dude is a joke. He is quite handsome though:love: Great album title too:lmao:
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