foolishlover Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 First time writing about my story. I am just in such a bad place right now that all i want is some words or comments from any kind souls that are out there. Long story short, I was with my partner for 2 years in a committed relationship. He was a very shy, introverted kind of guy who had little self esteem and confidence. I saw that in him and helped him with this throughout the relationship. We got nice clothes together, I would always say nice things to him, I would encourage that we go out to clubs now and then and that he had nothing to be afraid of (he was at first very hesitant to go to clubs). As time went on, he realised he did get some attention. He started going to the gym for the first time in his life, looking after himself and became a confident man all over. This is where our issues started. When he did get attention at clubs, he would not palm them off, rather he would continue flirting with the other person (while i was right there!!). He never told these people he was partnered and I also caught him in the corner holding hands with a random he was flirting with in the club. Needless to say, i wasnt happy with this and we had countless arguments. He even said that things are different now because he now realises that 'he is the catch' in the relationship. Overall, on our final chat, he said that he is a different man. He is not shy anymore, he is confident and he likes going out there on the scene and interacting (or should i say flirt) with other people. I was accused as being overjealous and I either had to deal with it, or break it off. In this case, this was a dealbreaker. I cant have my partner out flirting with other people while i sit back. So i had to be the dumper. He did not have one glint of sadness in his eye and just responded with something along the lines of..."im not who I was when you met me. Im sorry about that, but i will not change who i am now." I feel very hurt that i had to end it (though i felt i was pushed into this position). I also feel it is my fault for helping him find himself. If he stayed this shy, unconfident man, he would have held me at a pedestal (and i know that thinking is flawed). But i do blame myself for somewhat taking him out of his shell. I dont know what response i want from people on this board, but i just want someone to hear me out. It is hard to dump someone you love when you dont want to. I had no where else to move and this was the only option as having a flirtatious partner who disrespects me was something i couldnt live with. Its been 2 weeks since the BU and NC since. I have ups and downs and thought i was doing pretty good. Now i am in the pits of sadness. It also baffles me that having been together for 2 years that a breakup would not trigger even a tear in his eye...
Million.to.1 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 He came out of his shell maybe, but what an ugly person it was under there! Maybe he has never had that kind of attention before and he is ego is well out of kilter for getting it. You are better off without him. What a douche bag.
silly_panda Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Well, like he said, he is a changed person... It's not wrong to have confident and all but if that develop into flirting like in his case, then it's better to just let him go... He is just enjoying the attention that he never had before... This guy now is living in his own egoistic world... He wants attention from people and not a relationship... First of all, he hurt you by not respecting your feelings... Then, seem like the two years relationship meant nothing to him... What does his action tells you..? Trust me... You are better off without him...
Author foolishlover Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 it just baffles me. When he was lacking his confidence, I was there to help him through it, not let it get to him. Near the end of the relationship when he was soaking up all the attention, i started to feel a bit insecure and I let him know that. He said that "Its not his fault he is getting the attention and that its an issue cause I cant deal with my own insecurities." Its funny cause I would have expected him to treat me how i treated him, especially since he has been through it. Maybe a "dont worry you look great" or "I only love you" would have been nice. He even told me when he went out clubbing (quite often by himself) that he didnt realise it was 'that' easy and that he has lines of people wanting him. I guess sadness didnt really hit him when we broke up cause he knows its so easy to get another one since he is such 'hot property' so to speak.
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