chevytoys Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Six years ago I met the love of my life. We were both 19 at the time. We hit it off really well in the beginning. I started staying at her place every night after the first week of knowing her. Within a couple months she moved into another place with her friend and again I stayed with her every night. After a while her and her friend fell out and me and her got our own place. This is when our child was concieved. We were both now 21. While she was pregnant we moved back in with our parents so we could save money for the new baby. We would still see each other every night. We were very much in love. Towards the end of the pregnancy we bought our house and moved back in. I was taking very good care of her this whole time. But we started to get in arguments about money and her wanting me to get a better job which i completely understood. But I never did get a better job and still to this day have the same job. We are now 25 and I just got back in school. Towards the end of our relationship we fought alot but still were talking about getting married. Until recently when she said to me I think we should see other people and see if we are right for each other or not. She also said she didn't see a future with me because we didn't have the same goals. We do have the same goals I am just slower at realizing that I need to do something to better myself. I also recently got an OVI which I think pushed us to the breaking point. I have neglected the realtionship for a long time by not telling her how I feel about her and going out with friends and leaving her home to watch my son. She loves me as a father figure in our sons life becuase I do what needs to be done for him. But I have been ubnder a lot of stress and I think I was taking it out on our relationship and her. So we broke up in October and I just found out Saturday she has been sleeping with another guy since the beginning of November. She has also said it's in her dreams of marrying this guy and she is in love with him. I found this out through a mutual friend. I know I messed up and don't want to move on because I want my son to have a family where both parents are present. I have been going to counseling but she wont go with me. I am starting a new job and learning how to become a better partner in a realtionship. She told me she wasnt happy anymore but I can see why because I treated her terrible towards the end. I don't know how to appraoch the situation anymore becasue I have already tried telling her how I feel and she said if I take you back I will regret it and feel like I am taking a step backwards. All I want is my family back and will not be full again until this happens. Any advice would be very much appreciated. God Bless.
BoredAgain Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I have no idea what it's like to have a child involved in all this, it must be extremely difficult. But here's what I gather from your post: You guys fought a lot about money, you neglected her emotionally, you stuck her with the kid while you went out partying, and you treated her terribly near the end of the relationship. Right? So if she's happy right now in her new situation, then I'm sure you understand her reluctance to move back. You say, "I want my son to have a family where both parents are present." That's a noble desire, but do you think that's a legitimate reason for somebody to re-enter an unhappy relationship? Even if you could convince her that it's a good idea to do it for your son, chances are high that she'll just end up resenting you in the long run. It seems like you're already taking positive steps: you're starting a new job, learning to be a better person, and going to counseling. So if things don't work out for her with this new guy and if she sees that you've made real changes in your life, then I'd say you have a shot at getting back together with her... but that could take YEARS. Better to continue moving forward with your life. As the saying goes, hope for the best but plan for the worst.
KathyM Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Unfortunately, a lot of people take their SO for granted and treat them badly, and don't really appreciate what they had until it's too late to get the relationship back on track. Once the feelings are lost for someone, it's very hard to get them back. All you can do is to work on yourself to be a better partner, and keep in contact with her so that she'll have a chance to emotionally reconnect with you. Be a good father to your son. That's all you can do. She's emotionally invested in this other guy now. Maybe if she sees an improvement in you, she'll eventually be willing to give you another chance if it doesn't work out with this other guy, but as long as this other guy is in the picture and is treating her well, I doubt she's going to want to try it again with you. Just keep working on yourself so that, even if it's too late to recapture this relationship, you will be better off for the next one.
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