Lemons Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 How important is it to disclose your past dating history/sexual partners with your new partner? I don't have a large history or a high amount of sexual partners, however I feel that sometimes it doesn't always have to be shared. I know that some parts of my past would bother a potential new relationship. For instance, one of my best male friends & I were once semi involved in a FWB. If I met someone new to date, they would assume that there was more going on. In reality me and said friend have only been platonic ever since we ended our arrangement. (We don't constantly hang out or go out together either, he's not in my country anymore.) So LS, how many details are appropriate to share?
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I never want to hear anything about a girl's history (unless she has a disease), and I'll never share my (nonexistent) history with her. That's my view.
snug.bunny Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I think knowing background is important if it has potential relevance to your current relationship. But when it's the first couple of dates, I don't think you need to come at the other person with serious/hard questions. First decide if you like the other person/enjoy their company and then you can start probing. But, if someone has an STD, that needs to be disclosed. If you just came out of a marriage, are separated, have kids, or recently coming out of a long term relationship, that should be disclosed. If you have a history of cheating, that should be disclosed (we should be so lucky). I don't necessarily think discussing intimate details of past relationships and/or people you've been physically intimate with, is a requirement and sometimes can do more harm than good. Whatever the case may be, share what you are comfortable with sharing. You're going to want to gather your own observations of the other person as well and based on input and be open to it as well.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 How important is it to disclose your past dating history/sexual partners with your new partner? It isn't... "less history, more mystery" (let me add) "... that, and a clean bill of health"
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Do yourself a favor and disclose nothing unless it in someway affects this person.
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 My boyfriend and I just had the talk about our exes a few days ago and we've been dating since July. It was nice, there was no emotional reaction for either of us and I think we felt closer to each other having shared the main players in our lives before. We didn't list our sexual partners though, just significant relationships.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Let's hope they never ask... even though they always do. But when they do I am truthful... 4 gfs about 2 years average each. Damn...
missed_theboat Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Sharing too much too fast was a huge point of contention in my relationship. It was just way too much crap for him to digest at such an early point in our relationship... and none of it affected him. It's definitely one of those subjects that can be tricky to navigate. I wouldn't say lie... but I also wouldn't go into detail ever. Of course if you have things that are going to affect your partner, tell him/her, but otherwise, focus on the new relationship.
cerridwen Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Tell him if you've been married or engaged. Otherwise, that subject is the on-ramp to Argument Highway. Avoid.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 My boyfriend and I just had the talk about our exes a few days ago and we've been dating since July. It was nice, there was no emotional reaction for either of us and I think we felt closer to each other having shared the main players in our lives before. We didn't list our sexual partners though, just significant relationships. Even if it doesn't cause a knee jerk reaction now, it doesn't mean it's not implanted in his mind for future use.
Randybrandt Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 My girlfriend asked me when we first started dating how many girls have you slept with and I told her and I thought it was an open question so I in return asked her and she said you know a lady never tells!
daphne Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 My girlfriend asked me when we first started dating how many girls have you slept with and I told her and I thought it was an open question so I in return asked her and she said you know a lady never tells! Lol. Nice double standard. It means her number is double yours.
ToothpasteLove Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I dont really like hearing the details of a persons dating history.. i only have two questions. Are you a virgin? Have you got anything i can catch? Other than that the past in the past.. bringing it up might just cause upset and problems?
ZimboGon Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Well, i hold a lot of baggage towards my last ex. So, i would beat around the bush or they would assume i still love my ex. (which i always will )
monkey00 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Me and other girls I've been with never had a reason to share our dating past. Nor have we been curious or nosey to know either. The only times it was brought up is if reflecting on how failed relationships in the past again has affected our current relationship. Making sure you don't repeat past mistakes, or how to improve on it, etc. I think talking about past exes out of the blue for no apparent reason is just bad baggage, and it's also hurtful to the other person's ego also (if you are comparing the other person to the new person).
dasein Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think it's inappropriate for the first couple of dates, unless sex gets put on the table, then only the disclosure of whether one has been sexually active in the past six months or not and to what degree. When asked about exes, always start at puberty and describe the first crushes one had in early teens in infinitely boring detail, then they will be so tired and bored that they won't press for more detail on more recent exes. Best to avoid and change topics where possible, deflect with humor.
lululucy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 When asked about exes, always start at puberty and describe the first crushes one had in early teens in infinitely boring detail, then they will be so tired and bored that they won't press for more detail on more recent exes. Best to avoid and change topics where possible, deflect with humor. haha! Good idea.
CarrieT Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think one's history is significantly more important the older you get. In my late 40s and previous marriages and longevity of relationships is critical. I might be just as wary of a 50-year old man who has never had a long-term relationship as I would be of one who was married five times. For those in their 20s who are just dating, it is no big deal because you are still learning your way around relationships and other people.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 How important is it to disclose your past dating history/sexual partners with your new partner? So LS, how many details are appropriate to share? NONE !! ""Less history, more mystery"" (provided you can produce a clean bill of health)
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