fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Yeah, so there's this girl who I used to work with. She always flirted with me, etc. I never did anything about it because at the time she was 16 and I was 21 and I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate. I still kept up with her through facebook (where she continued to flirt with me...I think). This summer we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together before she went off to college. Just hanging out, I had no intentions of anything more at this point and haven't for a while (with her I mean). She continually gave me the run around with bogus excuses whenever I tried to make plans with her. I chatted with her yesterday and told her we still had never gotten together for lunch like we were supposed to. She wrote "lol" and basically gave me a variation of "I'll let you know" which is, obviously a "no". I know it's just one girl, but I mean, she was at one point interested, she did give me her number, and basically doesn't even want to hang out. I suppose she just wanted attention but it seems like most women I meet are like that (and the ones that aren't are in relationships or married). So when people wonder why I don't ask anyone out or approach strange women, this is why. Even the ones that seem interested or appear friendly are just looking for some kind of ego boost or just like playing around. I really don't feel like debasing myself just to accommodate them.
Cypress25 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I don't know how old she is now, but I'm going to blame the age difference. 5 years is a big gap when you're only 16. And you haven't seen each other in awhile, so naturally the interest has faded. And if she's in college now, she's just been introduced to a much bigger environment with a ton of new social opportunities. When you're a freshman in college, you get swept away in the novelty of meeting new people and having more freedom than ever, so you lose track of old friends from back home. You two are at different stages of your life.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 I don't know how old she is now, but I'm going to blame the age difference. 5 years is a big gap when you're only 16. And you haven't seen each other in awhile, so naturally the interest has faded. And if she's in college now, she's just been introduced to a much bigger environment with a ton of new social opportunities. When you're a freshman in college, you get swept away in the novelty of meeting new people and having more freedom than ever, so you lose track of old friends from back home. You two are at different stages of your life. She's 19 now. We had been talking online on and off (not everyday but not rarely either). And she had blown me off before she went off to college too, so being a college freshman "swept away in the novelty of meeting new people" didn't apply then as an excuse. It's not that I want to date her or anything. I wanted to get together, hang out as friends. Frequently, even women I'm interested in being friends with avoid me like this. It's very frustrating.
tman666 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Why do you give someone the time of day who blows you off AND HAS BLOWN YOU OFF BEFORE? You said that this is not a new thing! Also, if you weren't interested in dating her, why would you be feeling down about this? Quit lying to yourself, and quit being there for her. Stop seeing her as quality relationship OR friendship material. She has shown you what she thinks of you! Don't ever be the one doing all of the initial contacting!
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Why do you give someone the time of day who blows you off AND HAS BLOWN YOU OFF BEFORE? You said that this is not a new thing! Also, if you weren't interested in dating her, why would you be feeling down about this? Quit lying to yourself, and quit being there for her. Stop seeing her as quality relationship OR friendship material. She has shown you what she thinks of you! Don't ever be the one doing all of the initial contacting! Eh, I quit talking to her for the most part the first time this happened back in July. I suppose the nice side of me thought maybe she really was busy, even though my mind knew otherwise. In any case I'm down about this because I can't even get friendly female interaction which everyone says is good practice for getting comfortable around girls you do want to date.
tman666 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Eh, I quit talking to her for the most part the first time this happened back in July. I suppose the nice side of me thought maybe she really was busy, even though my mind knew otherwise. In any case I'm down about this because I can't even get friendly female interaction which everyone says is good practice for getting comfortable around girls you do want to date. Have you ever been on Omegle.com? It's a STUPID site (no holds barred here, it's a complete time waster), BUT, you can occasionally find a relatively normal person to talk to. No, it's not a substitute for real life, face to face conversation. However, it is real time chat, and it forces you to be fairly quick on your feet with your conversation. You might try that out (within reason), viewing it sort of as training wheels or a "workout" for flirting. It wont substitute the real thing, but you learning how to start and carry on a friendly, yet stimulating conversation with a stranger is huge in getting your foot in the door for relationships or friendships. Basically, don't throw in the towel. You might not be Mr. Social yet, but quitting will get you nowhere. Unless you're perfectly happy with where you are now, you have to rid yourself of a defeatist attitude and the mindset that you can't improve.
ThaWholigan Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) You need to find a way to take your mind off of women. It's gonna be difficult, but as long as you believe that your interactions with women will go sour, then it will happen. Try to channel your efforts into something creative or physical (or both). Keep your interactions with women as light as possible, and without investment. Edited December 5, 2011 by ThaWholigan
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I've never practiced with friends first to get a good idea of how women work, unless they were like FWB's and maybe were sharing with me the inside scoop. This needs to come from experience. But generally if a woman isn't interested in you and just your friend she isn't going to be acting the way she would under normal circumstances anyway so you're not going to see the difference, also a lot of women don't even know how they react or respond, they are kind of blind and naive to their own behavior and if you were to ask them about it they wouldn't be able to give you a very detailed answer that helps you understand. From the snippets of information you provided it seems that you are too tolerable from my point of view. You need to have more an expectation for yourself, if there is someone worth my time then they're going to be there when I need them...I'm not going to **** around and reschedule...if you don't get on the bus the first time it comes around I'm not coming around again to pick you up at a later time, this is a one way ride! Also realize that when you don't capitalize with a woman during your "window of opportunity" many women will fade out of the picture. You get one chance to make a first impression and not long to keep their interest because women are like birds, their heads jerk left to right and if they see another nice flower or branch they'll just fly off over there and forget where they were just at. Plus a lot of women are impulsive and subjective to the moment, especially young women. So when there comes a time of interest you have to respond within that time and make your moves then, you can't be tactical and patient. Bottom line: - Don't ask more than once to get together, and always try and make her ask you instead of you asking her..then you know she's interested - Don't do reschedules, if they flake on you...drop off the face of the planet - Be careful with Facebook, that **** shows people way too much of your business and kinda ruins the mystery and curiosity esp if you have a boring and unexciting life...if you are constantly dating women however then its very good. But for myself I just use it for family as to me for a man it's like shooting yourself in the foot.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 If you were bugging her to hang out, chances are there were a few other guys that were bugging her too. You fell in the mush of them, with the same story. Looking like you needed her company. You had to know that if you kept initiating conversations that you looked to her like you wanted to get in her pants, regardless how old she was. All the women will keep blowing you off as long as you keep initiating after the first blowoff.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 If you were bugging her to hang out, chances are there were a few other guys that were bugging her too. You fell in the mush of them, with the same story. Looking like you needed her company. You had to know that if you kept initiating conversations that you looked to her like you wanted to get in her pants, regardless how old she was. All the women will keep blowing you off as long as you keep initiating after the first blowoff. What counts as "bugging her"? Yesterday was just the third time she blew me off. I asked the first time (back in July), she came up with an excuse the day of but provided a day to reschedule and then when that day came around and she canceled I wrote her off. And then I mentioned it yesterday (in the normal course of the conversation not as the conversation itself). Is that "bugging"? And, I initiate conversations with lots of people (both male and female) on facebook, I definitely don't want to get in all of their pants though. Does it always look like a man does when he does that?
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 If you were bugging her to hang out, chances are there were a few other guys that were bugging her too. You fell in the mush of them, with the same story. Looking like you needed her company. You had to know that if you kept initiating conversations that you looked to her like you wanted to get in her pants, regardless how old she was. All the women will keep blowing you off as long as you keep initiating after the first blowoff. True in a sense, you have to strike em off after one blowout. 49322, The only way I got a girl to go on a date was when I gave her multiple choice answers, i.e "I'm gonna be in your ends tomorrow, you wanna go park or grab lunch??". That line actually worked for me. That's the best way to ask a girl out IMO. Haven't used it since, but I have got things in my life to sort out before I want to start properly dating. Best thing about that line was that the girl would have had to go out her way to say no (she didn't), so had that happened, I would have no doubt she was not interested and that would have been that (NEXT). Facebook is not always the best way to do this, get em on skype, they all get moved to on facebook. They're getting thousands of comments and messages of the same thing on facebook (not literally but might aswell be lol).
fishtaco Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Yeah, so there's this girl who I used to work with. She always flirted with me, etc. I never did anything about it because at the time she was 16 and I was 21 and I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate. I still kept up with her through facebook (where she continued to flirt with me...I think). This summer we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together before she went off to college. Just hanging out, I had no intentions of anything more at this point and haven't for a while (with her I mean). She continually gave me the run around with bogus excuses whenever I tried to make plans with her. I chatted with her yesterday and told her we still had never gotten together for lunch like we were supposed to. She wrote "lol" and basically gave me a variation of "I'll let you know" which is, obviously a "no". I know it's just one girl, but I mean, she was at one point interested, she did give me her number, and basically doesn't even want to hang out. I suppose she just wanted attention but it seems like most women I meet are like that (and the ones that aren't are in relationships or married). So when people wonder why I don't ask anyone out or approach strange women, this is why. Even the ones that seem interested or appear friendly are just looking for some kind of ego boost or just like playing around. I really don't feel like debasing myself just to accommodate them. You are absolutely right, most women are like this. They're playing this game to get attention or whatever. But your perspective is wrong. You don't just quit and not bother. You just don't take them seriously. Leave the ball in their court, and go on to hit on the next girl. And, you have to constantly flirt, with anyone that even mildly interests you. Because chances are, most of them will be duds anyway. And, if they could mess with you for their own personal reasons, then you can mess with them for your own personal reasons. You have to even the playing field. Sorry, but if you don't play you don't win.
grkBoy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 The problem is you're expecting a 19 year old girl to act mature. Never going to happen now. She'll maintain that "teenage" mentality til 24 or even further. I know 30something men and women who act like teenagers. It's pathetic.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 The problem is you're expecting a 19 year old girl to act mature. Never going to happen now. She'll maintain that "teenage" mentality til 24 or even further. I know 30something men and women who act like teenagers. It's pathetic. I guess I just expect people to act like me and my friends did when we were 19.
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I guess I just expect people to act like me and my friends did when we were 19. At 19 I was an autistic rapper/musician with an alleged 150 plus IQ (3 years of smoking weed melted that away ). With that, I learned that there were few people like anyone. Even the sheep among us have individual tendencies that mark them out from others. So I guess I expected that people would act and think different from me and my social circle (which was pretty big at 19, not so big now at 23). Expect the unexpected. What are your physical stats like, out of curiosity?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 At 19 I was an autistic rapper/musician with an alleged 150 plus IQ (3 years of smoking weed melted that away ). With that, I learned that there were few people like anyone. Even the sheep among us have individual tendencies that mark them out from others. So I guess I expected that people would act and think different from me and my social circle (which was pretty big at 19, not so big now at 23). Expect the unexpected. What are your physical stats like, out of curiosity? You mean like height, weight, and stuff? I'm 6', 175 lbs, muscular.
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 You mean like height, weight, and stuff? I'm 6', 175 lbs, muscular. Pretty good foundation to start from I'd say. I'll share some tidbits. I have my own plan that I am working on. I'm currently on a "start a business" course, hopefully will become self employed soon. I'm about 6 foot 3, 200lbs, I figure a martial art would be good for me (good martial art for a black man anyone? What does Michael Jai White specialize in?), maybe some soccer aswell (and some kettlebell training). I never was an active person, but all my male family on my father's side are incredibly muscular, so I was given this physique for a reason, might as well use it. I'd say take up a martial art, it's a good place to start as a way to channel energy and learn a new skill, especially a physical one. Next, learn an instrument. I've been a self-taught pianist since 3 years old, so I always composed music. To get better at speaking, I took up rapping too, I even appeared on Outlawz mixtape last year (2pac's group). It would be good for you to learn how to compose music, will really help give you an outlet. If you are a reader (I wouldn't normally recommend this, but if you are strapped for cash your only option is), download LOTS of ebooks/audio books. Get them on torrents. Download books about everything, from ecology, to science, persuasion & sales to fitness books, even some sex manuals might help. Audio books too, if you can, get some educational/instructional DVDs. Develop yourself while you are alone, and while you are social too. I recommend stuff about how to make money, which is what I have started downloading. Then maybe I can pay for some of this information!! Take up some classes if you can on anything you want or feel like wanting to learn, while you forge a career for yourself (in anything you want) It might feel like pie-in-the-sky talk, but it's better than feeling like nothing. And when you have an outlet for your sexual energy, you will be more fulfilled, replenished, and women will notice you more, just keep your interactions light and you will have no problem, then learn to escalate when you can. Rejection happens, I learned to get over it quickly then move on. Even when it hurt that one time (female friend, she was beautiful, mixed race, light skin, curly hair, great body, huge ti.....you get the idea - still friends though lol) I found my outlet and forgot about it. weigh up your pros and cons..... My pros: tall, good facial attractiveness, knowledgable, resourceful when needed, thoughtful, passionate, spontaneous My cons: autistic, erratic social skills, low confidence, unfit, broke, live with parent at 23 (she likes to mother me a bit too much lol) All my cons can be fixed IMO. I imagine yours can too
Eddie Edirol Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 And, I initiate conversations with lots of people (both male and female) on facebook, I definitely don't want to get in all of their pants though. Does it always look like a man does when he does that? Anytime you suggest any kind of contact or outing, and you dont know if she will say yes, its bugging. Even months later. She'll probably think "ugh, hes still trying!" Anytime a decent woman is single and a single guy that she isnt considering contacts her, shes going to think he wants in her pants. Men dont usually contact women they dont know well - for chit chat - unless they are interested in them. Youve seen the friendzone threads. A lot of women act ignorant "oh hes just being friendly" - they know hes not, they just dont want to tell him to get lost. If it was a guy she liked, she HOPES he wants in her pants, and more. You have to understand to always abort after the first blowoff. You wont be so disappointed in women if youre ready to bail at any time. Once you get in the habit of hanging back, they see you dont need them, and they start coming after you. Then you can hang the balance. That way you know whos really interested and whos not. NEXT! I always assume im gonna get blown off all the way until the sex comes, just in case I misinterpreted a womans behavior. Keeps me from hoping, and it works. The mindset keeps my mind clear until im truly ready to jump in both feet.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Anytime you suggest any kind of contact or outing, and you dont know if she will say yes, its bugging. Even months later. She'll probably think "ugh, hes still trying!" Anytime a decent woman is single and a single guy that she isnt considering contacts her, shes going to think he wants in her pants. Men dont usually contact women they dont know well - for chit chat - unless they are interested in them. Youve seen the friendzone threads. A lot of women act ignorant "oh hes just being friendly" - they know hes not, they just dont want to tell him to get lost. If it was a guy she liked, she HOPES he wants in her pants, and more. You have to understand to always abort after the first blowoff. You wont be so disappointed in women if youre ready to bail at any time. Once you get in the habit of hanging back, they see you dont need them, and they start coming after you. Then you can hang the balance. That way you know whos really interested and whos not. NEXT! I always assume im gonna get blown off all the way until the sex comes, just in case I misinterpreted a womans behavior. Keeps me from hoping, and it works. The mindset keeps my mind clear until im truly ready to jump in both feet. Ugh. If that's the way things really work I'd rather just leave all the women to you and the other guys out there.
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Anytime you suggest any kind of contact or outing, and you dont know if she will say yes, its bugging. Even months later. She'll probably think "ugh, hes still trying!" Anytime a decent woman is single and a single guy that she isnt considering contacts her, shes going to think he wants in her pants. Men dont usually contact women they dont know well - for chit chat - unless they are interested in them. Youve seen the friendzone threads. A lot of women act ignorant "oh hes just being friendly" - they know hes not, they just dont want to tell him to get lost. If it was a guy she liked, she HOPES he wants in her pants, and more. You have to understand to always abort after the first blowoff. You wont be so disappointed in women if youre ready to bail at any time. Once you get in the habit of hanging back, they see you dont need them, and they start coming after you. Then you can hang the balance. That way you know whos really interested and whos not. NEXT! I always assume im gonna get blown off all the way until the sex comes, just in case I misinterpreted a womans behavior. Keeps me from hoping, and it works. The mindset keeps my mind clear until im truly ready to jump in both feet. This post has ultimate win written all over it. I wish I thought this way a few years ago. When I was reading sales books, they all say the same thing: you have to be willing to walk away. When I told some of my friends this recently with regards to dating, they said "nah fam, turnin down pussy is gay fam", I was like -_-. 49322, this is important. Don't invest too much in your interactions with women - at least not too early anyway. Keep it light, don't take it so serious, have fun. Take the piss with them, buss jokes with them, humor them. But most of all, when you're trying to escalate, if the interaction hits a dead end, WALK AWAY!!!
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Ugh. If that's the way things really work I'd rather just leave all the women to you and the other guys out there. That's such a defeatist line of thinking. I couldn't think like that, I might be low right now, and **** with women in general, but I know that some time soon, once all the work I'm about to put in pays off, I'm going to attract the right women into my life, hopefully just one for a very long time rather than a string of different ones. Trust me, thinking the way you do will not serve you, it is a trap, you will stay there. It's hard to stay positive, but combine positivity with action in all areas of your life, and I promise you it will get better. I'm already seeing little improvements here and there, it's encouraging me to go for more, you do the same man. Read that long ass post I posted above this, there's some gems in there for you man. Take it all in!!
Eddie Edirol Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Ugh. If that's the way things really work I'd rather just leave all the women to you and the other guys out there. TRUST me. It just takes practice. You just have to avoid getting yourself all riled up thinking about a woman that you want to ask out. Once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature to not think about women that you dont have the "in" with yet. Dont build up expectations. Thats the best way to do it, you have to trust me. Theres a good way to practice, go to a club and start talking to women about anything. Not to date them, just to approach them. Once youve done this a few times, you will learn how to walk away, and know whos interested in what you say and who isnt.
Cypress25 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I guess I just expect people to act like me and my friends did when we were 19. But she's not really a friend of yours. You haven't even seen each other in awhile, it sounds like. She's not going to be very motivated to make plans with a guy she's been chatting to online for 3 years. Especially if she already has a lot of friends and an active social life. She probably thinks you have a crush on her (since you seem to be asking her out on a date) and she doesn't want to lead you on. Maybe she would have been more receptive if you invited her out as part of a group. Like "I'm going to a concert with a bunch of friends, you want to come?" Then it doesn't seem like a date.
Shaun-Dro Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Yeah, so there's this girl who I used to work with. She always flirted with me, etc. I never did anything about it because at the time she was 16 and I was 21 and I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate. I still kept up with her through facebook (where she continued to flirt with me...I think). This summer we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together before she went off to college. Just hanging out, I had no intentions of anything more at this point and haven't for a while (with her I mean). She continually gave me the run around with bogus excuses whenever I tried to make plans with her. I chatted with her yesterday and told her we still had never gotten together for lunch like we were supposed to. She wrote "lol" and basically gave me a variation of "I'll let you know" which is, obviously a "no". I know it's just one girl, but I mean, she was at one point interested, she did give me her number, and basically doesn't even want to hang out. I suppose she just wanted attention but it seems like most women I meet are like that (and the ones that aren't are in relationships or married). So when people wonder why I don't ask anyone out or approach strange women, this is why. Even the ones that seem interested or appear friendly are just looking for some kind of ego boost or just like playing around. I really don't feel like debasing myself just to accommodate them. Forget these women. Get yourself a hot escort from one of the agencies to relieve the sexual tension. They'll treat you like a king for a price but at least you won't have to worry about the games, right? Like I said many times over: other than sex, there's nothing else a woman can really do for you other than annoy you and seek validation all day. I'd go with the formal.
jobaba Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Yeah, so there's this girl who I used to work with. She always flirted with me, etc. I never did anything about it because at the time she was 16 and I was 21 and I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate. I still kept up with her through facebook (where she continued to flirt with me...I think). This summer we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together before she went off to college. Just hanging out, I had no intentions of anything more at this point and haven't for a while (with her I mean). She continually gave me the run around with bogus excuses whenever I tried to make plans with her. I chatted with her yesterday and told her we still had never gotten together for lunch like we were supposed to. She wrote "lol" and basically gave me a variation of "I'll let you know" which is, obviously a "no". I know it's just one girl, but I mean, she was at one point interested, she did give me her number, and basically doesn't even want to hang out. I suppose she just wanted attention but it seems like most women I meet are like that (and the ones that aren't are in relationships or married). So when people wonder why I don't ask anyone out or approach strange women, this is why. Even the ones that seem interested or appear friendly are just looking for some kind of ego boost or just like playing around. I really don't feel like debasing myself just to accommodate them. First of all ... sorry man. I've been there before LOTS of times and rejection is tough. But, you need to thicken your skin. The above type of rejection wouldn't even faze me these days. I get those types of rejection quite a bit. You had no emotional involvement. She was just another 'prospect'. If you've spent a year or two getting to know a woman and spent countless hours one on one, developed feelings and gotten friendzoned, that is something you should get upset about. So, you need to not let the little ones get to you. Because there will be much bigger rejections... You mean like height, weight, and stuff? I'm 6', 175 lbs, muscular. Honestly, if you have that going on and are not homely, you should be pulling women easy. Assuming you're white and average looking, your dating pool pretty much includes most women. That is NOT the case for me. I'd reassess your social skills and try and get out more...
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