othersideofthepillow Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) So LS forum here is my question: How many months would you give to have your ex come back to you? I hit 4 1/2 months yesterday. Some ppl say that it takes at least 6 months to even try again - some say you need to try again quickly after the BU so they don't forget about you. In the past 4 months there has been contact (always initiated by her / she is also the dumper) and for the past 2 weeks there has been nothing. Any success stories please let me know - just wondering what others think about this. Edited December 5, 2011 by othersideofthepillow
chados Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 So LS forum here is my question: How many months would you give to have your ex come back to you? I hit 4 1/2 months yesterday. Some ppl say that it takes at least 6 months to even try again - some say you need to try again quickly after the BU so they don't forget about you. In the past 4 months there has been contact (always initiated by her / she is also the dumper) and for the past 2 weeks there has been nothing. Any success stories please let me know - just wondering what others think about this. there's absolutely no timeline. some people gets together after 10 years some after 2 days, it depends on what caused the breakup, it depends on how people react after the breakup. what you should do when a breakup occurs is to simply play it cool and tell her that you agree with her decision. i know this sounds stupid, but thats how it works, people are acting selfish after a breakup. they need space and thats what you have to give her. i dont know what caused your breakup, but its normal for the dumper to contact you. they want you as a friend so they can heal, but that only puts you in a miserable situation. they also contact you because they dont want you to hate them and in many cases they are simply talking to you because they want to know that you still care about them, and thats selfish. but its human nature do act like this. they often dont even realize why they're still talking with you. the worst mistake you could do is begging a person to come back, because that means you dont respect or accept their decision. and they will only push you further away. since i dont know how you reacted after the breakup or why you two broke up its hard to give any tips. about the successtories well my friends girl just broke up with him. she said, we could still be friends right?. he said, we could solve this in two ways. either we'll give this a try or you go your way and i go my way. 1 week after she called him crying and told him she wanted to try again. this happened 1 month ago. if you're sure you want her back and you haven't tried dating some other girl. i would suggest to ask her out as a friend, just a lunch or something. and go from there, make sure your not looking desperate or sad. just act like you did when she fell in love with you. and dont ever talk about your past. especially not about your last month together, this is of course if she isn't bringing it up. if she does, just listen to what she has to say, and dont blame anything on her or even yourself, just tell her that you got time to think and you know what went wrong. but dont put yourself in a situation where it seems like you want her back. remember "friendate"
smokey bear Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 In response to your question, when to give up..... Well how much did your relationship mean to you? Im at 5 months 1 week, i gave up two weeks ago, id like to keep trying but I mean more to myself now, it hurts when you try and i dont want to hurt anymore. 7 year relationship, i dont think 5 months was long enough trying but im taking a break for now. Yes time does take a role, problems really cant be fixed without a long period of time.
silly_panda Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 You give up when you realize that enough is enough... When you are just sick and tired of being sad... When you had tried your best and did everything you could... So no regret for not trying to do anything... That made me give up/let go easier cause there is no more "what if"... Success story, I got 2 friends that managed to get back with their ex girlfriends that dumped them... But the break up was caused by the girlfriend think that they had been taken for granted or the guy did not have any future plans... Both of my guy friends worked hard to change/improve themselves and it's a lot of patience involved... Now they are back together and still living happily...
chados Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 You give up when you realize that enough is enough... When you are just sick and tired of being sad... When you had tried your best and did everything you could... So no regret for not trying to do anything... That made me give up/let go easier cause there is no more "what if"... Success story, I got 2 friends that managed to get back with their ex girlfriends that dumped them... But the break up was caused by the girlfriend think that they had been taken for granted or the guy did not have any future plans... Both of my guy friends worked hard to change/improve themselves and it's a lot of patience involved... Now they are back together and still living happily... "girlfriend think that they had been taken for granted" cant tell you how classic that is.
Biancalee Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 I gave up after about 5 months, i thought there is no way he is coming back. we were in a long distance relationship, I am australian he is from the USA so very long distance, we broke up while i was in the usa and i flew back home. Days after i had finally decided to let it go he contacted me out of the blue, we got talking and i raced back over to the USA... we lasted 3 weeks before we broke up again, now i feel like i wasted that whole 6 months of healing i had in the start. I resented him like hell and all i could think about was if you loved me how could you have wiped me out of you're life so easy and ignored me. was it because you couldnt find anyone better thats why you got back in contact. My advice would be to move on but what do i know im just a hopeless romantic
silly_panda Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 "girlfriend think that they had been taken for granted" cant tell you how classic that is. My ex told me I took her for granted too (which I also agreed)... But she found another guy few days after that that could give her the attention she wants... The 'honeymoon stage' lasted only 2weeks and turn out this guy is treated her worst than me... But she still sticks with him... Guess she wanted physical comfort since were in a LDR...
chados Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 My ex told me I took her for granted too (which I also agreed)... But she found another guy few days after that that could give her the attention she wants... The 'honeymoon stage' lasted only 2weeks and turn out this guy is treated her worst than me... But she still sticks with him... Guess she wanted physical comfort since were in a LDR... its all about how she feel comfortable about his confidence, its not because he treats her bad. but trust me if that is continuing she will leave him. soon she's probably gonna realize that he is also taking her for granted.
BillieAnn Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 there are no such rules! Some are returning after 10 years, some never! Depends on the connection, what was?
leoc1973 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I don't know if this is a would be reconnection story. I have 2 friends they were married. They were going through a tough patch. Some guy was talking to her on facebook giving her the whole if I was your boyfriend I would treat you like a princess crap. At the same time My friend the man in the marriage had a really nice girl that he was interested in but he wouldn't break his marriage vows so he just stuck by his wife. One day he comes home and there is a note that the wife left she went and got an apartment behind his back and moved out. My friend was crushed he didn't really see it coming he thought they were going through a rough spot but still thought they were solid in their marriage. Ok so the wife was seeing this new guy for about 3 months finally my friend decided to give this girl that was interested in him a shot. He immediately fell in love with her. Soon as the wife saw this she flipped out begged him pleaded left her new guy went out of her mind crazy. My friend told her she blew it he would have never done that to her and he told her that he was not leaving the new girl he met. After about 2 weeks of the wife begging she couldn't take it anymore because she knew what she lost and ruined her family(they had 2 kids) I said had because she cut her wrists in the tub and died. My friend who is actually my longest friend I have know him since I was 4 and i am 38 now told me that he had every intention on going back to her she was the love of his life and he was just trying to teach her a lesson for putting him through that. So I guess that would have been a reconnection but it wasn't. Its crazy how someone you think would never come back to you in a million years sometimes does. 1
ditzchic Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 So LS forum here is my question: How many months would you give to have your ex come back to you? 0 months. Give up on them the second they walk out the door because they have just given up on you. Days, months, years down the line things may change but never wait around on them. They have already shown you where they stand. And that's not with you.
Art_Critic Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 When to give up on your ex The first day they become your ex is the healthiest for you.. it is also the toughest thing to do in many breakups, which is why people don't do it.. instead they go down the road of believing that they can get their ex back becuase it is easier to believe that, but it hurts more.
R32 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 In my opinion, if you feel you have healed well enough to keep in contact, then continue doing so. There's no need to burn bridges, she could very well come back tomorrow or the next day. However, you shouldn't have any expectations. Just be open to the idea that you guys may or may not be back together. Continue doing your thing, and don't let opportunities pass you by. 1
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