I want him back more than anything! (long read)

[Stuck in a rut]

We dated for 2 years and go to the same college.

We see each other on campus frequently but before we broke up we always sat together on our breaks and always wanted to be around each other and this was just a little over a month ago.

 

when we broke up he was really upset. but he told me he couldnt see a future with me and our relationship wasnt going anywhere. Well me knowing him i thought he was having cold feet and figured that it wouldnt last long. that same night he started crying and telling me he was afraid of hurting me and didnt want to lose me and if he realized he messed up he would never get me back. well i played it cool and just said its your call. I dont want to break up but if u feel its whats right then we will do it. I told him i loved him and i care about him more than anything in this world.

 

well two days after we broke up we talked and he started crying again and he told me he didnt think he made the right choice of breaking up with me and he was scared of never having me again. a couple days after that i gave him his stuff back and i think it hit him hard. we talked again and that day he said he wasnt sure what he wanted but i was crying and he held me and let me cry on his shoulder.

 

3 weeks after our break up he has a girlfriend. Total oppisite of me, she has been with a numerous amount of guys and has been known to cheat and just isnt even cute. She is just scummy person. She has a "bite me" attitude and just doesnt care. Well, that hit me hard, but I had hope that it could just be a rebound, because we dated for 2 years and now 3 weeks later they are together? He took her to his family christmast/thanksgiving a week after they started dating. Nobody talked to her and they all ignored them. His family is furious with him, they want me back in his life and dont like her. They are just letting him do whatever right now hoping its a phase as well.

 

Last week he was sitting by himself in the student lounge and i txtd him and said u know u dont have to sit by urself. well he never replied. i walked by him to leave to go to work and he looked up from his book and i said hi. and he mouthed hi but he looked really upset. I know i havent done anything for him to hate me. I just gave him his space and since they started dating i have dont the NC rule.

 

Its been 2 weeks since they started dating I deleted her from my facebook and when i went to delete him. I couldnt do it. He has not posted anything on her fb or his about anything in almost a week. Well today I hop on not even thinking and pictures pop up of his dog, The dog that his family called my dog and a picture of them in his room hugging each other. In the picture he has his arms around her and his head is leaning on hers with his eyes closed. He isnt really even smiling. its kinda like a half-a$$ smile kinda like he is sleeping. Idk how to explain it. She posted it, not him. She has it as her profile pic he hasnt done anything with them. He works on mondays so he probably hasnt even had a chance to be on facebook other than on his Droid.

 

I want him back in my life so bad. It hurts seeing him with her knowing she is how she is. Yesterday and today have been a really bad day. Im just trying to keep my head up. I pray thats its just something our relationship has to go through for us to be stronger. I pray that this girl is just a rebound. Everytime i see something that makes it seem like they are happy i get upset, but then realize its only been 2 weeks. From articles i have read they say give it a month to 6 weeks. Which i know i dont have a choice to do.

 

I have been working on myself even though its hard, i have been working on school, putting in a lot of hours at my job and even attending the gym. I have been hanging out with my friends when i get the chance.

 

Is this a rebound? I think it is, but I know Im vulnerable right now and convincing myself is very easy right now.

 

Yes, it became kinda routine but how can i show him it doesnt have to be so routine the second time around. I have posted stuff on facebook showing that im fun and pictures when i go out with my friends in hope he sees them.

 

This guy is so important to me. I love him with everything I have. We have built a life together the past 2 years. I want him back in my life, i truly feel that this relationship isnt ment to be over yet. He just needs to get rid of the rebound and wake up!!

 

Another thing was I want him to know he hurt me, but i know i cant give him that one up on me. We ended the relationship on good terms and have never fought.

Edited December 5, 2011 by Stuck in a rut

[BoredAgain]

Is it a rebound? Probably. Is it a phase? Probably. But now I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear... Rebounds and phases can last YEARS.

 

The fact that he's so wishy-washy and hot & cold indicates that he doesn't know what he wants. So even if he calls you up in a week or two and says, "It was a mistake breaking up with you. Let's get back together." Could you really trust him? Could you be happy knowing that he could so quickly change is mind again and dump you at any second? I doubt it.

 

The best thing you can do is continue No Contact, and that includes deleting him (even blocking him) on Facebook. Focus on improving yourself by making new friends, taking up new hobbies, focusing more on work/school, etc. With time, you will heal emotionally and find yourself in a much happier and better place.

[SelfCentered]

Your poor girl. It isn't nice, we all know here what it's like.

 

Allow me to be frank.

 

This is going to be ****ING hard.

 

It's going to suck and it's going to bring you to the bottom. You'll be like a pregnant woman, yo-yoing between happiness that the drama is over to the sadness that your partner doesn't want you anymore. A total emotional wreck.

 

I say this only to help you.

 

It's going to be rough ride but you will come out of this a stronger person.

 

This isn't someone that is in any state of mind to be in relationship with anyone. He clearly has his own stuff to deal with, and without sounding callous, he needs to do that on his own.

 

He's made a choice and you need to accept that.

 

You must now go NO CONTACT. I appreciate that is hard, especially when you're on the same campus and have the same group of friends. Like the above poster said, deleting him from FB is a step you have to do. (Actually started a thread about the merits of this earlier, can see it here)

 

Avoid him. Delete his number from your phone. Only associate with friends that you know aren't likely to mix with him.

 

Again, this isn't going to be easy but take it from experience, it is THE BEST thing you can do. It is the closest to a one-stop magical cure for your woes as possible.

 

So:

 

1) Go no contact right away. People on here are brilliant at helping you along with that. Come here for advice or whenever you want help.

 

2) Don't spend any time alone. Sorround yourself with friends, family, whatever. Even if you're just hanging with a friend watching bad TV on a boring night- they'll understand if they're a good friend!

 

3) Don't bottle anything up. Find someone who will listen and talk about whatever is on your mind, even if you're repeating yourself.

 

The best advice I was given was to "talk about it until even you're bored of it".

 

And cry. If you want to cry, do it! It's a natural thing, it helps you heal and has scientifically been proven to make you feel more at ease. It isn't a weakness.

 

4) Throw yourself into work or whatever hobby you have. This can be the hardest thing to do from experience....A part of you will just want to shut yourself away in a dark room. You can't do this.

 

5) Lay off the drinking/smoking/coffee. This is a bit rich coming from me 'cause in the past I've hit those things HARD but this time around I'm avoiding them. And it helps.

 

 

 

Like I said, this is NOT going to be easy.

 

But you're obviously a heck of a girl! I know this because you were in a relationship for two years, you have qualities that make you a great person to be around. Even though you may feel like **** for weeks and months to come, please don't forget your amazing traits.

 

There's breakup support everywhere online. This is a great forum. But get in contact with good friends and family. Go to a doctor too if you're really suffering. Nowadays GP's know treating mental health is as important as your physical health. They can help and offer support.

 

It will be lame for a while but it will get better and you can become a much stronger person from this. Let him sort his own life out. Maybe one day you will find each other again- but I say this with some hesitance because I don't want to give you false hope.

 

All you have to do for the perceivable future is look after yourself. You deserve it. Become happy as a single person, happy with yourself.

 

Best of luck,

Edited December 5, 2011 by SelfCentered

[Stuck in a rut]

Thank you. And I have been keeping the no contact thing going. This guy is amazing. He is loveable, cute, has a huge heart, dorky, and just all around amazing.

 

I believe this is just a phase and I pray thats all it is too. This isnt the real him which makes me think its a phase.

 

I will keep the no contact thing going but is there any tips I could use to get his attention?

 

I believe he will come back just have to give it time, and Im working on myself and what I need to do for the best of me.

[SelfCentered]

No contact is NOT to get someone's attention. It is to distance yourself and to cope with the loss.

 

Going no contact and then finding ways to get a partner to contact you is redundant.

 

You never heard of anyone in a happy long-term relationship saying "oh when we started out, this guy was going through a funny phase but I plug at him!"

 

This guy broke up with you. You need to accept it. Otherwise you will be stuck in a mentally abusive cycle for months, even years to come. Even if you do get back together- like the poster above me said- how do you know he won't keep having these "phases"?

 

People grow, their needs change. Hell, when you're young, you can change drastically in months. Especially at college.

 

Sorry to be blunt but no one should sugar coat it for you.