lolita jade Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I saw this thread on another site whilst googleling GIGS. The GIGS explanation is my ex and myself to a tee. It is comforting to know it is definately GIGS. Hope this helps anyone as confused a me................................ After reading this forum as well as other ones. I've come to the conclusion that many people confuses rebound relationship vs. grass is greener syndrome (myself included). From what I've gather thus far, these following seems to ring true. Rebound Relationship This usually occurs a few weeks to a few months after a breakup. This can happen to all age group. A dumper has a hard time dealing with the breakup and jumps into a relationship without actually getting to know the new person. This person is usually someone they just met. They do this to fill a certain void that the dumpee has left, and by jumping into another relationship it helps them get over the dumpee. However, this type of relationship don't usually last (average 3 - 6 months), because the dumper usually don't have enough time to deal with the issues in the previous relationship. Grass is Greener Syndrome (different from Mayday11 thread) This is different from Mayday11's thread because the dumper leaves the relationship to pursue another relationship with another person. Not because they want to be free or enjoy life...etc. This type of relationship usually occurs immediately after the breakup, or starts a couple months before the breakup. The dumper is usually young 20-25yrs old. What happens in this kind of relationship is that the dumper is in a long term relationship with the dumpee for 2 years or longer, and the couple are about to make a larger commitment to each other. The dumper gets "cold feet" as things are getting stale, boring, and predictable. They start to wonder, what else is out there? Is there anything better out there? Is this all I'm going to have for the rest of my life? If there was someone that the dumper has been talking to for sometime, a "just a friend" type of guy or girl. They start fantasizing a relationship with this person. They start hanging out with this person more to see if there are any potential to have a relationship with this person, while still in a relationship with the dumpee. They usually do this consciously, but tells the dumpee that he/she is "just a friend." This is usually when the dumpee starts to get panic, jealous, clingy and needy. The dumpee feels like they are losing their significant other. So, the dumpee begins to freak out and tries to save the relationship. Buying gifts, professing "i love you", paying more attention to the dumper, all the while the dumper is slowly checking out of the relationship. The dumper starts seeing the dumpee in a different light because of their recent behavior. Dumper starts losing respect for the dumpee because they have become "nothing" without the dumper. Then it happens, the dumper dumps the dumpee because they have decided to pursuing a relationship with this "just a friend." And often times gives the reason, "You have pushed me towards him because of your jealousy, neediness" or other like "I love you, but i'm just not in love with you." However, what the dumper doesn't realize is they believe they are "falling in love" with this so called "just a friend". However, in actuality they are just bored and tired of the relationship with the dumpee. They have fallen in love with the infatuation, the "honeymoon stage" of their new relationship. They often overlook any shortcoming of the "just a friend" person, because they're "so in love." This is sorta like rebound relationship, but instead of using the rebound guy/girl to get over the dumpee. They consciously start to believe this "just a friend" guy/girl is a trade up from the dumpee. What the dumper don't realize is that once that "honeymoon stage" is over, they're usually left with the same feeling of boredom, tiredness, and the predictable relationship they become sick of with the dumpee, but instead with this new person. They start to wonder again, start making another "just a friend." Then the vicious cycle continues. Or.. they jump back to the relationship with the dumpee if they dumpee have always treated them well. Not trying to generalize, but these type of dumper are immature, and insecure of themselves. They always have to stay in a relationship to feel a sense of worth or belonging. These type of dumper do not understand what a mature relationship really means. In general they are just confused, they don't know who they are. They use relationships to define themselves and never have any introspection of themselves. Now, this phase don't last forever and they often will learn over time. But, this usually happens when something catastrophic happens that will wake them up. And, often times the dumpee have moved on when the dumper finally realize how big of a mistake they have made. I don't know if anything I've type even makes any sense.. maybe I'm just venting as I've fallen victim of the G.I.G.S., so I figure what others thing... please chime in if you have anything else to add. I guess this thread is more about G.I.G.S., but there are some similarity between rebound and G.I.G.S.. Below is from a separate post I've made on page 3, I figure I'd add it here so reader can read it here if they don't go through all my posts. Yeah, this is just what I've gathered from reading the forums. I guess the thing to remember is that, they need to grow up without us being around. Often times the G.I.G.S. happens when they've started dating the dumper at a young age, so they never got a chance to experience the dating life. For me, I started dating my Ex since she was 18.. she's now 22. She never really had a real chance to be "free" per say. For me, I had my share of partying, dating, got all that out of my system while i was in college. Where as for her, she was with me since she was in HS, and till now just graduate college. So, it makes sense that she has the G.I.G.S.. I may be right, i may be wrong.. but this is just my own theory. I guess the important thing to remember is that, there ain't nothing we can do when they suffer from this syndrome. They'll have to experience life without you, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. It's almost like a parents telling the kids, "don't drink, don't do drugs." But, this often is the reason people starting doing these things. To experience it themselves, and learn from it. Same thing with dating... parents may say, "we love your bf/gf." But, this may be the exact reason they dump us, because most poeple have rebellious nature in them. They do what parents don't want them to do. This is the case for me as well, her parents loved me, and wanted her to marry me. I guess she just couldn't live under that pressure, thinking "is this it?" "My life would be spent with this guy for the rest of my life?" Then she start looking around, and seeing what else is out there. If all of us can step out of our circle and look at things subjectively, then it'll be easier to understand what's going on in their mind. And chances are we have a better idea of what they're thinking than themselves. I guess the moral of the story is, when someone is suffering from G.I.G.S. we have to realize there's nothing we can do. We have to let them go, experience life. They may or may not come back, but we shouldn't put our life on hold hoping that they'll come back. We move on, if they come back, great.. Because at that point, we have the ultimate decision of if we want them back or not. If not, then at least you once shared something special together. Besides, lot of times when people suffer from G.I.G.S. they will turn into something that's complete opposite of what you've become so accostumed to. You may not want them back. Important points to remember: 1. Move on, because they already have. 2. Let it go, because they have already let us go. 3. Stop hoping, right now it's hopeless. 4. They will change and you may or may not like what they change into. 5. Remember the person you fell in love with is no longer there. They have changed, or else they wouldn't have broken up with you. 6. Accept the fact that what you love is the image you have of them in your mind. Not what they are now. 7. Keep reminding yourself of point 1-6.
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 i can't understand why people place such little value and degrade "rebounds". you label them like they're evil and worthless, but that doesn't change the fact they are banging your ex. i know PLENTY of people who left one long term relationship, hooked up with a new person days/weeks later and eventually marry the "rebound" and are together many years later.
Author lolita jade Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 hi not my thread, found on another site as i stated. i posted it as i thought the GIGS description was very close to my ex as i stated. you should have read my post properly. As a sufferer of an ex doing GIGS i dont find it trivial at all but a very useful description. btw i am in my forties not early twenties and my ex was with me for 25 years.
Author lolita jade Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Reading what the dumper feels by smokey bear. This explanation of GIGS/ REBOUND ties is well too
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