AlisaMarie Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Why is love and relationships so disposable? I am reading everyone's stories and it sincerely breaks my heart that millions of people feel this way all the time! Can people be honest for crying out loud? Does there always have to be another person? Seriously, any relationship I have been in was long term because I fell in love and was devoted to make it work! If I went on a date and "didn't" feel the energy... I cut that person off before I could hurt them. What is wrong with society? Everyone wants someone and wants to be in love but then the wreck it! I am losing hope and beginning to think we are just mammals on this planet to reproduce and move along. Where are the core values of society? Where there ever really any???? VENT...
Buck Turgidson Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Haven't you ever heard that "love is fickle?" You've fallen victim to the romantic notion that love is forever. Love is an emotion. Anger isn't always forever; fear isn't always forever; why should we think that love is? In fact, it's not. It's natural for humans to fall in and out of love. If you want a lasting relationship, therefore, you need far more than one fickle emotion. You need broad compatibility and full awareness and acceptance of each other's fickle inner lives. What has happened to our society's core values is that people are only now, since about the 1980s, basing their mate selection on love alone (rather than the millenia-old core value of marrying for economic advantage), which is a poor basis for making a lifelong decision.
mike588 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Why is love and relationships so disposable? I am reading everyone's stories and it sincerely breaks my heart that millions of people feel this way all the time! Can people be honest for crying out loud? Does there always have to be another person? Seriously, any relationship I have been in was long term because I fell in love and was devoted to make it work! If I went on a date and "didn't" feel the energy... I cut that person off before I could hurt them. What is wrong with society? Everyone wants someone and wants to be in love but then the wreck it! I am losing hope and beginning to think we are just mammals on this planet to reproduce and move along. Where are the core values of society? Where there ever really any???? VENT... I hear ya. Seems like these days just make sure you don't fall in love just have a good time because it may not last long.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Touche! I guess I never compared love to other typical emotions. But through life we typically fear the same things, get angry over the same things, cry over the same things... so why can't we LOVE the same things (person). Ahh... what's the point?
ThinkPink218 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Haven't you ever heard that "love is fickle?" You've fallen victim to the romantic notion that love is forever. Love is an emotion. Anger isn't always forever; fear isn't always forever; why should we think that love is? In fact, it's not. It's natural for humans to fall in and out of love. If you want a lasting relationship, therefore, you need far more than one fickle emotion. You need broad compatibility and full awareness and acceptance of each other's fickle inner lives. What has happened to our society's core values is that people are only now, since about the 1980s, basing their mate selection on love alone (rather than the millenia-old core value of marrying for economic advantage), which is a poor basis for making a lifelong decision. Wow, so very true! Love is an emotion and people fall in and out of it all the time. I think aside from just love there should also be a mutual interests, values and compatibility as well. I think love seems so disposable because not everyone is willing to put in the work required to keep the relationship going sometimes, they find it easier to move onto the next person. Relationships are an investment and you have to put a lot in to get something good out and I think a lot of people don't realize that. But, it should also be an investment worth making. I.e - not settling and putting up with anything because you want to work it out. I'm learning though that even if you think you are great for somebody, they too have to feel that about you as well. Be yourself and trust in the person you've shown them you are and that if they want you in their life, they'll make the effort. If not, find someone who does think you're worth the investment! Edited December 5, 2011 by ThinkPink218
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Why is love and relationships so disposable? Because they are more about (YOU) than they are about any partner you might have, or any qualifications that partner may or may not have. All this seeming crap on dating websites, where people create a lengthy list of arbitrary qualifications which the other person must have, is putting the emphasis far, far away from the central element, which is (YOU yourself). For that and similar reasons, whether a person qualifies or doesn't qualify by such standards is so arbitrary and relatively unimportant that people can't help but be nearly indifferent to their partners from the start. It's sorta like selecting a university to attend. You have a list of first preference, second preference, and the like, just for the sake of having a list, and deciding where to visit first. The fact is, once you're rejected by your top 3 schools, and almost arbitrarily sent to your 4th school, you evolve there in much the same way you would have at any of the top 3 choices. The only difference is that it's a few more feet to the Student Union Building from your dorm. People are so dead set on scrutinizing (everybody else, almost to the point of exhaustion) that they don't pay anywhere near to enough attention to themSELVES in the way of being ready for a relationship, and of being FAIR to a partner.
Author AlisaMarie Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Because they are more about (YOU) than they are about any partner you might have, or any qualifications that partner may or may not have. All this seeming crap on dating websites, where people create a lengthy list of arbitrary qualifications which the other person must have, is putting the emphasis far, far away from the central element, which is (YOU yourself). For that and similar reasons, whether a person qualifies or doesn't qualify by such standards is so arbitrary and relatively unimportant that people can't help but be nearly indifferent to their partners from the start. It's sorta like selecting a university to attend. You have a list of first preference, second preference, and the like, just for the sake of having a list, and deciding where to visit first. The fact is, once you're rejected by your top 3 schools, and almost arbitrarily sent to your 4th school, you evolve there in much the same way you would have at any of the top 3 choices. The only difference is that it's a few more feet to the Student Union Building from your dorm. People are so dead set on scrutinizing (everybody else, almost to the point of exhaustion) that they don't pay anywhere near to enough attention to themSELVES in the way of being ready for a relationship, and of being FAIR to a partner. Simply amazing how you put this! I would have never thought of it this way!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Chapter two: (LOL) (and lets use raw sex as an example, so you'll understand the implications about love and feelings, which are the real centerpiece to what I'm saying) OK, y'know how that great partner comes along, and you have the most rewarding sex you ever had, just because he 'exists', or because he (now) knows you do??? Well that is mostly crap! (sorry) This guy didn't whip out his manhood and TAKE you (to the promised land) that way. Most of your rewards from that sex, and most of your rewards FROM relationships, originate within YOU... and you project your own feelings outward, and then sort of 'position yourself' ideally SO THAT IF your guy is as predictable/trustworthy as you believe him to be, the feelings that YOU projected OUTWARDLY will come right BACK toward YOU, and fulfill you like no random stud in the back corner of a bar could ever have done (without your cooperation). (think of yourself, anticipating his rhythm (just like you did in 'jump rope' on the school playfield long ago) ... and THEN positioning YOUR BODY so as to gain the most satisfaction FROM his rhythm) IF you are old enough... remember (or look up) the computer game called "pong"... and especially understand that you could play "Pong" against yourself, sort of like computer handball. (and boy was it "basic"... but dang it was fun in the 1970's) Your little 'paddle' thing is your heart... and the seeming 'ball' represents your feelings... and your heart projects those feelings OUTWARD... (and off of the 'wall' that is your beau)... and then your heart RACES to the spot where you PREDICT your own feelings to carom back toward you for optimum fulfillment. IF, suddenly, your beau goes out to shoot hoops with his buddies rather than predictably rebounding your feelings back toward you - that's when you are HURT!! IF on the same night, the same beau is scheduled to go out and shoot hoops with the same buddies, then you are able to predict that/him... and you are NOT hurt by the same thing. SO, what you most want in a beau, is somebody who at his core is fully willing to be trusthworthy and predictable and who will take equal interest in bouncing HIS feelings off of YOU (where you, too, have proven your trustworthiness and predictability) before he awaits his own satisfaction from them as they return as anticipated. We go out to clubs, and we see various people, and yeah, we decide who our first college choice is, and our second college choice, and our third... and we think the bartender is cute... and then some random, arbitrary force causes us to LEARN a lot about some particular (4th choice school)... and over time we determine that we probably CAN trust this person, and note that they are keenly interested in trusting US. And presto... Now, would you agree that UNPREDICTABILITY is what most qualifies the guests on Jerry Springer for their being on the show??? (and be careful with your answer: For if "unpredictability" is repeated over and over and over and OVER again... it disguises itself as "predictability" in this case.) In summation: Chances are, that your specific partner isn't AS unique, and his uniqueness isn't AS important as you thought/wanted it to be. (your 4th choice college will still likely get you where you need to be...) More critical than we wish to realize, though, is that partners who can and will be predictable, consistent, and trustworthy, tend to come from environments which were predictable, consistent, and trustworthy. We overlook that far too often when presented with a cute bartender (or the like). (and for some, Jerry Springer isn't far behind)
Recommended Posts