exoduse22 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I hold back myself from doing what I want to do because I am afraid of what others think. If I suddenly changed my personality, I just had a feeling that people would get shocked and think I am weird. I can't even have a decent conversation with almost any person without having a hard time giving eye contact, although I try my very best to act as natural as possible without looking awkward. I want to feel the feeling everyone feels, the joy of friendship. At the moment, I do not find friendship something that gives me joy because, again, I feel that I am doing things half-heartedly and not being who I truly envision myself to be. I am pretty sure caring about what others think is the reason why I have a phobia for barfing. I am scared to eat on big occasions such as the prom or ball because I fear that I will throw up and make a fool out of myself and this affects how I interact with people. I try my very best to change, but I am afraid the people around me won't accept that change.
freestyle Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Sounds like you have a bit of social phobia going on there........ It's understandable---I think a lot more people feel it, but don't admit it.We can have that socialized into us at a very early age---kids really can be cruel to the square peg that doesn't fit into the round hole. Also, if you were shamed excessively by your parents growing up---that could be part of the reason you have a hard time making eye contact with people.Excessive shaming affects self-worth, ESPECIALLY during the formative years. A lot of adults who were abused as children have that same problem--they can't make eye contact---and sadly, that can often be mistaken for shadiness, or dishonesty. So--you need to decide what's more important to you, at the end of the day.... Living to keep others happy---or living to be true to your AUTHENTIC self. When you worry too much about what others think---essentially you are handcuffing yourself to THEIR reality---instead of creating your own. In the long run---it matters what YOU think about YOU......
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