katann23 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) I met this boy when I was 19 I wasn't very popular in high school I didn't party I didn't do anything I stayed in my hometown and went to our christian college it was my sophomore year when I met him and he came here for girls I met him at the restaurant I was working yet and the first time I saw him I knew that I hated him and knowing me I knew that nothings gonna happen between us a few months after we started working together he started pursuing my best friend just by the looks of him I knew he was a player and I knew he was gonna break your heart and of course I was right a few more months past we were together but we never really hung out I didn't ever see us ever hanging out. Then one night at work as I was trying to finish my stuff he got off early because he never closed and I set my phone the tables and he decided to answer. it was my friend bridget . He was a smooth talker and asked if she was free to hang out I was like really? hang out I've never drank before I never smoked. I never did anything and that was the night that change my life. I drink that night and for the first time I got drunk and I was outta control I'm not a very social person but apparently I was that night. What got me was at the end of the night bridget and the guy you know my future boyfriend made out the next day she tells me all about it and how he tried to get in her pants that she refuse to it I was jealous I never kissed a boy and never done anything I never had a boyfriend I didn't go on dates I was jealous and decided to tell him. I had no self confidence but i was curious I knew what he was doing and yet there was something about him he moved to a small town and he seemed sad and I felt like we connected for some reason. But anyway at the end of the night he took me to his room my heart was racing my palms were sweaty and any buzz I might have had was gone he looked at me and I told him I had never kissed a boy he was shocked and laughed a little. Don't worry its fun you will enjoy it. He tried to make me do other stuff but I wasn't ready and it was after that we became well some what friends just so no one knew about it of course 3 months went by and he continued to pressure me and me knowing full well I wasn't the only girl he was seeing come to find out I lost my virginity to him when he was dating some girl out of town but anyways my first expierence hurt like a bitch and lasted 5 mins. I got in his car after and nothing was said until he said you aren't going to make things weird are you I laughed and said no even though inside I wanted to cry. He took me back to campus and for the next 2 years we continued to be **** buddies as I watched him date every girl but me even watched him take a girl to his room and I walked home crying. I cared about him so much and I thought maybe one day he would see me. But everytime we talked aboit it he said I'm flattered but I don't like you like that. So I continued to see him mostly late night booty calls I didn't care anymore I was living a double life good girl during the week not so much on the weekends. I couldn't tell my friends everything and when I did they shut me out they told me to get over it and I knew it then I should have walked away but I didn't I still to this day have damaged my friendships because of him because I was holding out hope so another year goes by Oct w2010 he is seeing me and a girl from a town outside of town. I always knew it he just finally admitted it to me he said he loved me but he has two really great girls in his life me and her and I was like okay u have to choose so he chose me o couldn't believe it I don't think I ever really did but Jan comes around and its my bday and thats the night he decides to make it official and it was the best bday I had in a long time and from that day for the next 6 months we were together everyday he slept at.my apt I did his laundry made him supper I would have.done anything for him and in June he took me to meet his family it was amazing I though maybe things were going to be okay and his sister told me i was the best thing that happened to him that he was so afraid of losing me and that he loved me because I knew the worst thing about him and i was okay with it. I thought he.loved me but there was just something in me that didn't feel like he appreciated me and I got in a fight about it one night them after that **** got.bad I just got so angry and called.him out on his bull**** he was on a cheating website he was sexting x girlfriends he would have girls sit on his lap when I was there he pushed away drop me and I just wanted.him to end it with me but he didn't he would ignore me for days at a time and then when i would get mad he wouldn't have anything to say so I got drunk a few times bitched him out and gave him all the pictures we took back home his stuff he gave me and I regret it so much I have nothing now but anyways we talked on and off for awhile and my friend saw him walking downtown with the girl he dumped for me last October and again I called him out on it and he was like **** I screwed up again. It just hurt I I knew it would happen but it hurt just the same. We talked and he told me there wasn't anything going on that he didnt want a relationship he didn't want to be with her but I knew he was lieing so I got on her Facebook to find her profile picture of him and her and that what thy had was real and that she loves him. sitting in silence with him and be at peace. I told him I shouldn't have but I did and he was like oh Iguess that's different then.what I said so i guess we should stop. He had no reason just i don't know and that I wasn't his shrink and that he didn't need to talk and I should get the hint I can't even stand up for myself with him he would never just admit that they were and if they aren't he w as leading her.on I just didn't.want him to hurt anyone no one really knows what he does I put up with his **** for ever and he doesnt have enough respect for me to tell me the truth I guess I didn't respect myself either whatever I just don't get what happened maybe he never really wanted to be with me. I just wish he would own up to his mistakes and be abetted person whatever I can't change him I just know he will get bored and find someone else. I can't change him or what I did I feel bad about it and he is happy with his life now I guess trying to get a record deal in a 8000 population town good luck its going to catch up to him and I'm trying not to care I ****ed up a lot to but Idk I just needed to vent sory its so long I just feel like I should write a book of course with better grammar and spelling. Thank you to those who made it through. Lol its been a long 4 and a half years. I.just wish he wasn't here I wish he would go back home. I just don't know how to deal with it any advice other then I was stupid would help thanks Edited December 5, 2011 by katann23 i cant spell
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