stab17 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 here is some background about my story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308863/ Well anyway, being the idiot that I am... 3 days after the break-up. I broke NC and poured my heart out over the phone... In the end, I told her I respected her decision but I can't be friends with her as it will hurt too much. Right after that, I deleted her off FB.. A day later, she deletes all our pictures together. Then deletes some of our mutual friends (I heard). I cant even search for her name anymore. I am so ****ing broken I can't get over this girl. Now I still have to get my stuff that I left at her house. Any advice on how I should carry myself when that day comes for a better chance of reconciliation? Or did I burn the bridge? I really want her back, but not dwelling on it.
DannyT27 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 To be honest mate reconciliation is very rare in these cases my advice to you is go full NC and heal /move on I'm doing the same... I actually need to get out more lol but after a month of NC I feel much better and I'm just focusing on myself you should do the same
thepedestrian Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I'm not sure from reading your story but she might have some GIGS but I'm not sure. She might actually not see you as the person that she wants to be with for the rest of her life and doesn't want to hurt you more. You definitely don't need to tell her how you feel - you've already told her you could see yourself marrying her. She knows you're in love with her. Ugh, sorry I can't be more help. I honestly don't know what to say. You don't want to hear the find another girl solution so the only thing I can say is try to accept the fact that you two aren't together now.
betterdeal Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 You can always build new bridges if you want to. You just need to get the right materials and be ready, willing and able.
Author stab17 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 You can always build new bridges if you want to. You just need to get the right materials and be ready, willing and able. how do you propose I do that? and how should I carry myself when we meetup for my stuff? should I ask to go for coffee and catch up? not about our relationship. or simply say thank you and walk away? I guess when I said I wanted to cut all ties with her when truly I just meant I can't be friends with you right now. she got hurt by it.
M2155 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I guess when I said I wanted to cut all ties with her when truly I just meant I can't be friends with you right now. she got hurt by it. That's good that it hurt her because she has to care to hurt. And it's completely understandable (and advisable) to not be ready to be friends. I don't think you should be worrying about building bridges right now. Don't talk about your feelings, just tell her you respect the decision to break up, so please respect your need for time to heal- and that you are open to rebuilding friendship in the future. Right now, you need time for your feelings to pass and rebuild yourself.
betterdeal Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 how do you propose I do that? and how should I carry myself when we meetup for my stuff? should I ask to go for coffee and catch up? not about our relationship. or simply say thank you and walk away? I guess when I said I wanted to cut all ties with her when truly I just meant I can't be friends with you right now. she got hurt by it. You're going to have to figure the details out by yourself, but I'm sure you can. Pay attention to your feelings, your gut instinct, your senses and let them be your guide. If what you meant was you can't be friends right now, why not tell her that when you next meet? Maybe apologise swiftly, clearly and with dignity for being so brash before, and that's it - you have passed on the information to her. Take this break, this time out, to calm down and figure out what it is you want and what it is you are offering. When it feels right (not when you feel lonely or bored, but when it feels right) that's the best time to start building bridges again. This stuff has to be intuitive because it is a matter of the heart. If your heart's not in it, it won't work. And there are no guarantees. Invest your energy into you, build yourself up emotionally, physically, mentally. Eat well, sleep well, exercise. Although this is not a battle, preparing yourself for it like a soldier would prepare for a battle or an athlete a competition means making yourself the best you can be. And you do that to give yourself a better chance of succeeding in your intentions. This is why No Contact is often advised. It's not necessarily No Contact Forever. It's No Contact For Now whilst you review, repair, rebuild, refocus and finally, renew.
Author stab17 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 it's just so hard to move on and i'm stuck at this rollercoaster of anger and confusion. i deleted her off fb and all, deleted her texts and the phone call history. I just cant help myself always searching for her name, however I can't find it. I really am hurting thikning I didn't get a second chance and for someone to throw away an almost 3 year relationship so quickly without even trying to call me/contact me hurts.
betterdeal Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Don't be too hard on yourself. You need space and time to calm down and so does she, probably.
Author stab17 Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 should I send her a message or email about why I deleted her off Facebook? or just wait till we meet up again? I'm afraid she might've been really hurt when I said I need to cut all ties with you
Trovador Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 With due respect, sir, don't be a wuss! She broke up with you, she isn't hurt by anything you might have done, she doesn't care about you at all... stop thinking about sending mails or calling her, the best you can do is going awol, don't even reclaim your baggage (pun intended ha ha) and remember, a bridge is burnt only when it doesn't exist anymore, meaning you are still attached to her and could contact her anytime you want, but guess what, you are better off if you don't do it... Right now you sound so desperate that anything you do will be against yourself, so (again!) the best is to disappear...
wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 should I send her a message or email about why I deleted her off Facebook? or just wait till we meet up again? I'm afraid she might've been really hurt when I said I need to cut all ties with you She probably was hurt, but your reaction was a self protective mechanism and there's nothing wrong with defending yourself and protecting yourself from future hurt. Listen to betterdeal, you need space to figure things out. Once you figure things out, you make the best decisions possible on what you want to do. Betterdeal is right in his posts. There's always hope. 6 months ago I went through a destructive breakup, I not only dropped a nuclear bomb on the bridge, but I blew up the left over debris and then incinerated it. But guess what, I looked inside, healed, found out which path I wanted to take and 6 months later, I was honest with myself and I took a risk and broke NC. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3760623#post3760623 You can read about it here. Take it with a grain of salt, I had to find myself and have the courage to accept I was wrong, I made mistakes and admit that too my ex. Everyone's path is different. Its up to you to choose your own path. Whatever you choose, dont regret. With due respect, sir, don't be a wuss! She broke up with you, she isn't hurt by anything you might have done, she doesn't care about you at all... stop thinking about sending mails or calling her, the best you can do is going awol, don't even reclaim your baggage (pun intended ha ha) and remember, a bridge is burnt only when it doesn't exist anymore, meaning you are still attached to her and could contact her anytime you want, but guess what, you are better off if you don't do it... Right now you sound so desperate that anything you do will be against yourself, so (again!) the best is to disappear... There is no respect in this post, being a wuss is relative term and I see nothing wrong with being a wuss and allowing yourself to hurt and be desperate. Its all apart of being human
betterdeal Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 should I send her a message or email about why I deleted her off Facebook? or just wait till we meet up again? I'm afraid she might've been really hurt when I said I need to cut all ties with you You need to accept you guys have split up and that will hurt both of you. The less time you spend worrying about her and fixing you, the better it gets. You guys are separate now, so you need to look after yourselves individually.
Author stab17 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 broke NC after 5 days... not with her, but with her mom because I did not want to push her away. I'm ****ing back to square one. I just couldn't help it, mornings are the worst for me. I just wanted to clarify what I really meant by "i want to cut ties". I didn't want to. She always treated me well and I did the same to her. I was part of the family. She told me just to give my ex space for now that's all I can really do. She had no ill will against me and said don't be a stranger, you're a good kid. I broke down crying after the phone call. Why does it seem that I am the bad guy for being the dumpee? I'm hurting so ****ing much and my ex hasn't made any efforts to contact me whatsoever.
betterdeal Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 You're not a bad guy. Sometimes bad things happen to good guys like yourself. So don't blame yourself. I forbid it! Say good things to yourself - it really does help. Say "I'm good" when someone asks how you are. Say it to yourself 5 times a day. Get louder the more you say it. It sinks in to your subconscious and make you feel good. Weird, but true. And maybe she's not contacting you because she's following NC too? It's a very upsetting time, and what you need, what you both need, is to settle, find calm and not be upset. It's counter-intuitive to not turn to the person you relied on for solace before, but she's precisely the wrong person to turn to. Read the guide I wrote (linked below) and keep your chin up. You're a decent fella and you will get through this.
Author stab17 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Posted December 8, 2011 ugh..... today feels absolutely horrible again... I had a dream where we actually met up for my things and then as soon as I was leaving she pulled me back and hugged me so hard, told me she made a mistake and she was willing to try again and take it slow... When am I gonna get this out of my head!?!?! It's even in my dreams!
mike588 Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 ugh..... today feels absolutely horrible again... I had a dream where we actually met up for my things and then as soon as I was leaving she pulled me back and hugged me so hard, told me she made a mistake and she was willing to try again and take it slow... When am I gonna get this out of my head!?!?! It's even in my dreams! We have all been there and know how difficult it is, I was dumped 4 months ago and it wrecked me. I'm no where 100% over her but it DOES get better. Follow the advise here that's been given to you, you can't make her love you,respect her wishes and try to move on with your life. Focus on yourself now,better yourself, who knows what will happen later, don't beg or plead with her,it's only gonna push her further away.
Author stab17 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I just remembered that I had already bought tickets for Vegas as a christmas gift for her... I bought it on August because it was significantly cheaper. I am an idiot the trip is not until February 10th... What am I supposed to do now? Allegiant Air won't let me cancel the tickets... I spent almost 1,000. What am I supposed to do now?!!?!?
betterdeal Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Can you change the name on the ticket and take a friend instead? A friend of mine went on honeymoon to Vegas with a buddy because the buddy's wedding fell through.
Author stab17 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I have asked them, none of them can go because they are gonna use that weekend for valentines... =( And they feel guilty about taking a free trip. Any other suggestions?
betterdeal Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 Advertise on Craigslist / Meetup / invite your mum?
Author stab17 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 so....... guess what. I found buyers but... Flight Rules and Restrictions Changes or cancellation after a ticket is issued will result in a fee of $250.00 plus any applicable increase in fare if the ticket is reissued. Ticket changes or cancellations must be made before the scheduled departure time. Tickets are nontransferable and name changes are not allowed. The fair itself is 250...
betterdeal Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 That sucks. Sounds like you're going to have to write this off
Author stab17 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Posted December 15, 2011 the whole trip cost $650 per person...... FML
betterdeal Posted December 15, 2011 Posted December 15, 2011 Ah, so your buyers would be paying more than $250 each? That saves you quite a bit of money, right?
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