AmericanHoney Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 My boyfriend never ever talks about his past like ever and I try and try and he kinda skirts around the issue like changing the subject etc,etc. I have opened up about my past talked about my HS days,etc and he just avoids the subject. How do I get someone to open up more when they always avoid the subject?? I even ask him when he is depressed or sad what's bothering you and he just changes the subject. It isn't like we just started dating! We have been dating for a few months now. I keep trying and he just shuts me out:sick:
Lurkers1983 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 LMAO at MartinMan talking about communication skills. You know you hijacked that from other posters. Get your own material. I do agree with you on how most men don't want to know. OP-Many people are taught that talking about your past is unclassy. It's not that they have something to hide, but they don't feel comfortable digging up the past. It's your choice if you want to talk about it, but there's no way in forcing someone else to do so. People have different opinions on this topic. If you know he's STD free, that's all what matters.
Author AmericanHoney Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 I could care less about his relationships. I just want to know what he was like in school was he the star quarterback or a nerd?? Like I said he certainly has asked me about my past like what were you like? How long have you lived where you lived? How long have you parents been together? Are your siblings close? He moved from North Carolina and all I asked was why did you move and he says I needed something new never ever saying why and when I say do you still visit your relatives down there during christmas he says no way I am never going back to NC. He asks so much about me my medical history etc,etc but never will he in return tell me about his past and no I am not talking relationships.
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 My boyfriend never ever talks about his past like ever and I try and try and he kinda skirts around the issue like changing the subject etc,etc. I have opened up about my past talked about my HS days,etc and he just avoids the subject. How do I get someone to open up more when they always avoid the subject?? I even ask him when he is depressed or sad what's bothering you and he just changes the subject. It isn't like we just started dating! We have been dating for a few months now. I keep trying and he just shuts me out:sick: You don't. Just stop and leave it alone. This is his past and if/when he's ready to open up and talk to you about it, HE WILL on his own terms..Not because you keep asking and bugging him. Some guys don't focus on the past, they focus on the present and the future. Anyway, a few months of dating isn't that long.. Just let this go. The more you push him the more pissed off he's going to get and he'll never open up to you about private stuff.
DonCanard Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Given the nature of his questions, they point to a troubled relationship past, probably with a recent girlfriend who let him down. He wants to know if you're stable and secure. Answer his questions honestly and openly. This will establish trust from your side. Don't expect him to reciprocate. Once enough trust has been built (there's no knowing how much), when he's ready to, he'll open up to you. Don't rush or keep going on about it. We all have our own pace of revealing things, he has his reasons which will become clear when he does finally open up. Until then you need to BE PATIENT! It'll be worth it.
Author AmericanHoney Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 He does have a checkered past that much I know. He told me he smoked weed when he was in his college years and did smoked heroin when he was in college as well. He actually told me this when we started dating he said I hope you do not mind I did drugs when I was younger but I cleaned up my life and I am much better. Basically all I know is he did drugs in his college years and the rest is a mystery. I am sure someday he will open up someday..
insertnamehere Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 I could care less about his relationships. I just want to know what he was like in school was he the star quarterback or a nerd? You want him to expose a potential weakness? Charming.
silvermercy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 The way you describe him and his drug past, I reckon he was either abused, had trouble with the law or both. (If you get desperate at some point, you could always run a check online - and even investigate his criminal record).
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