ruloog Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Warning: this is going to be a long post. I'm 19. Long story made short: last year I broke up with my ex #1. We never did close-up, and althought not in an official relationship, we kept in touch and acted as bf-gf. When I wanted her back, there was this guy who won her heart and she chose him over me. I was in deep pain, taking medication for depression. This happened on January 2011. May 2011: I met the cousin of one of my best friends (now my ex #2), who is now 18. It was my Farewell party because I was leaving for 2 months. We kissed and then I left for all the summer. We kept in touch every single day, and she told me she was really happy to meet me, that she wanted to get serious and even when I was still hurt because of my past relationship, I decided to give it a shot. I came back and started dating her. She showed enormous signs of being really in love with me. I decided to get official on October. Our first month was great, she made me realize I was over my ex #1 and I stopped thinking about her, calling her, stalking her fb, I broke every contact with her. Near november, ex#2's ex called her mom showing interest of going back with her. She told me immediately about it. Her mom asked her if she was happy with me, (and so did I) and she said yes. She told him she didn't want to be friends anymore. I then learnt about her past relationship. He's ~22. It lasted for 1 year, they broke up, she dated someone else, this someone cheated on her, they broke up, and then she went back to her ex, another year together, and finally broke up again. At the beggining of the year, when she broke up with him, they were on and off, whenever he wanted he looked for her. He disappeared for weeks, then came back, and so on. He broke up with her, and he told her a lot of awful things about her and about their then-ending relationship. He destroyed her, and althought she dated guys before me, she finally decided to try again with me because, she says, this time she felt I was different and special from everyone else she met before. I always read her twitter timeline, and whenever we had a discussion or anything else, she wrote some strange tweets, but I never really doubted about her. Fastforward to this last days, I started to feel her distant, but again, I mistakenly trusted what we had (if we did have something). Last Wednesday she got me to meet her family (I already knew her mom and dad, but now I met her grandma and her aunts). We argued after that, but it was nothing big. That same day, she called me at night and told me she needed to talk to me. I knew what was happening, and so I went to her house and she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. That maybe we weren't meant to be together. I went home and as of today, I keep blaming myself for whatever I did that could change that strong bond that she showed before. Thursday and Friday I went visit her, and she showed signs of being happy while with me, smiling and laughing all the time. We kissed and it was again like the beginning of it. Later, after I asked many times, she confessedshe still had feelings for her ex, and that she was not okay knowing that only half of her was going to be with me. I told her I didn't want to rush things and return to be a couple rightaway, and that I could wait until she realized what she wanted. She thanked me for being there and taking those heart stabs without hesitatin. Finally she gave me a strong hug and kissed me. That night she texted me saying she couldn't be like that, and that she was sorry. I called her and she told me she loved him, and that she loved me too, but she knew there was stuff she needed to deal alone. I told her that she could always count on me, and I made it clear that I was going to be there whenever she needed something, that it would hurt me but I would stay away while she dealt with her situation. I did mention that when we were dating she told me he stepped over her heart, and thus that I though that he didn't deserve to win her back. She said she just needed to be alone, not with me, not with him, and I agreed. According to her timeline, she cried, she was sad all this days, and she felt destroyed. She has been tweeting sad stuff, and I can't be sure if she refers to me or her ex. I chatted with her cousin (my friend) and she said this guy (ex#2's ex) invited my ex#2 to watch a football match, and she agreed (they're there right now). Isn't that some sort of disrespect? My friend made it clear that I was not her rebound, that she really was into me and that she loved me, but that what my ex#2 had with her ex was strong and that I couldn't have done anything to change it. I doubted. So here I am. I've read this forum since I had that other problem, and I knew about the NC rule for the first time by reading lots of threads. My brain says that I should NC her, to delete her from fb and block her on twitter. I haven't talked to her since friday night, but my heart keeps aching and telling me that I should not block her or delete her at all, just to show her that I care about her and that I'm still here, not waiting for her, but for anything she needs. I'm dying on the inside, and I can't make any decision on what to do. I keep imagining that she will come back and realize that she loves me. I know I'm not supposed to be treated like that, but I can't fight this feeling of waiting a miracle on her side. What am I supposed to do? Do I have any chance of winning her back? or getting her back if she realizes she wants to be with me? It feels like **** to be changed for the new guy and now I'm replaced with the previous one. Ps. Today we were supposed to celebrate our 2-month anniversary. I didn't call, but I left on her doorstep her favorite flower with a note that said: "Look at the sun, it is still shining. Look through your chest, your heart is still smiling. There is no reason to be sad, today's an special day after all." She will probably find the flower once she arrives from the match.
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