monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 So last week I went on 3 dates with this girl, and each time she would travel an hour just to come to my neighborhood for the dates. If that doesn't scream interested and wanting to see me, then I don't know what does. We've kissed and made out each time. So for the 4th date I suggested my place - dinner & movie, I would also take her to the roof to check out also. Which she agreed on and said 'sounds great'. So she flaked one me twice and suggested a reschedule each time, giving some lame excuse about not feeling well. Normally she takes a few hours to respond to my texts, rarely immediately. I texted her today to let me know when she gets off work so I'll have a time-frame of when she'll be at my doorstep so I can prep food, etc. She never texted me, and I called her and left a VM. I tried calling again 20 mins later, and she pushed my call to VM...totally lame. So I'm pretty sure she's not showing up tonight. I'm just really annoyed right now - I even spent a few hours cleaning the apt, I've never had someone agree to a date and not show up and not tell me. I also assume she might be dating another guy, which is why she might've canceled on me those previous times. What's going? I thought she was interested.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 I did, so she might have other prospects. But then I wonder if I wasn't exactly being clear with my text, it was kind of casual. When she counter offered today, I said "sunday night sounds good!" and then I asked her when she gets off work. she said "6-6:30" me: "great I'll take you up to the roof to check out too" her "sounds great." That was the last line of text up until today. Maybe she thought I was d!cking around without setting a time. I would assume she would just meet me after work, like I asked her the first time around before she rescheduled.
spinaroonie Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Online dating - not surprised. If she's young, attractive, and you haven't sealed the deal by the third date, you probably won't see her again. Girls online have a steady stream of suitors knocking at her door. She got hit up by a bigger, better deal offering her dick. Here's my post from earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304536/ Been seeing more and more of this lately - guy and girl have a great first date, no lay, never hears from her again. Wonder how much of it has to do with the "mainstreamization" of online dating in recent years? Any girl with a POF/OKC profile she has a stready stream of suitors knocking at her door. Rest assured there are hundreds of better looking thirsty dudes with more status hitting her up. These guys won't commit but they'll hit it and quit it. Men are as faithful as their options. Women are as choosy as their options. With online dating, an attractive woman's options are seemingly infinite. In keeping with her hypergamous instincts, she's always on the lookout for the bigger, better deal. In the past a woman would stick with a guy after a good date because she had no other solid prospects lined up. Now she's more likely to stray. ... Thousands of thirsty dudes without approach anxiety + hypergamous women with infinite options is a recipe for dating disaster. Unhappy girls who can't get a top guy to commit, and unhappy guys who can't get (another) date. This phenomenon is unprecedented in human history.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Sometimes something you say just changes their mind. She could be multi dating, she could be a rebound and realized that you werent making her forget about the guy that broke her heart. You neever know, and youre never going to find out, so just wait for the next woman to hopefully give you a clue as to what you might be doing wrong.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Online dating - not surprised. If she's young, attractive, and you haven't sealed the deal by the third date, you probably won't see her again. Girls online have a steady stream of suitors knocking at her door. She got hit up by a bigger, better deal offering her dick. Here's my post from earlier: I agree and I know the pitfalls of online dating, it's just frustrating what happened. NO ONE has flaked on me without canceling until now, she was just a no show. I also know in my gut, if in one of the past 3 dates if I would've brought her back to my apartment I could've gotten with her - she did hint at it but I wasn't thinking straight, she also seemed like a good girl to me which was why I didn't push it. And here for the 4th date I throw in her face to come by my apartment, and poof - nothing but rescheduling and flaking out. It really pisses me off. Or maybe she wasn't as interested as I thought she was. Eddie: There was a thought behind my mind that I could've been a rebound, she did like to talk a lot and rarely seem to ask me questions pertaining to me. Maybe early on she was looking for ONS from me, but even so if that was what she was looking for...she could have showed up at my place but didn't.
Emme Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 So last week I went on 3 dates with this girl, and each time she would travel an hour just to come to my neighborhood for the dates. If that doesn't scream interested and wanting to see me, then I don't know what does. We've kissed and made out each time. So for the 4th date I suggested my place - dinner & movie, I would also take her to the roof to check out also. Which she agreed on and said 'sounds great'. So she flaked one me twice and suggested a reschedule each time, giving some lame excuse about not feeling well. Normally she takes a few hours to respond to my texts, rarely immediately. I texted her today to let me know when she gets off work so I'll have a time-frame of when she'll be at my doorstep so I can prep food, etc. She never texted me, and I called her and left a VM. I tried calling again 20 mins later, and she pushed my call to VM...totally lame. So I'm pretty sure she's not showing up tonight. I'm just really annoyed right now - I even spent a few hours cleaning the apt, I've never had someone agree to a date and not show up and not tell me. I also assume she might be dating another guy, which is why she might've canceled on me those previous times. What's going? I thought she was interested. Lets keep it simple! She's sick and tired of having to drive to your house all the time. Now if you were a man who offered to meet her half way at a restaurant or even better yet drive to see her maybe you would still have a chance. My advice is keep your dates in your vicinity.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Lets keep it simple! She's sick and tired of having to drive to your house all the time. Now if you were a man who offered to meet her half way at a restaurant or even better yet drive to see her maybe you would still have a chance. My advice is keep your dates in your vicinity. That's true too, well the only reason why we had dates in my neighborhood was because she had told me she lives around here. On the first date she lied about living in my neighborhood - she claimed to be nervous. She revealed where she really lives on our last date (which is an hour away), I told her mistakes happen and I was pretty laid-back about it....I did mention from now on our dates we can meet half-way. But that was before I suggested my place for the next date - which she quickly agreed to. I do wonder though if I would've made a date around her neighborhood if I would be where I am right now. Maybe I did blow it I wonder. But even if it's the case of having dates in her neighborhood - and that being the real issue with her, would it be too late to salvage it at this point? Or let her call me and apologize?
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 You have to capitalize pretty quick to keep women interested, and this sounds to me like a lot of fumbling and rescheduling. In my opinion at this rate you should already have done more than kissing, she seemed like the good girl but a lot of times good girls like bad guys. You come off as being a little too prim and proper and that might have caused you to become boring and you gave her time to think and consider her actions a little too much. It's kind of in a woman's nature to get in over her head, it's kind of how they function and when they don't then they can talk themselves out of it before they become intimate with you. It's why men are the hunters, we have to be aggressive, we have to be demanding although not pushy and overwhelming, and needy. I just got burned recently myself for the first time, I totally didn't see it coming...however I also know I didn't push it as hard when I could have and I was probably too accommodating.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 You have to capitalize pretty quick to keep women interested, and this sounds to me like a lot of fumbling and rescheduling. In my opinion at this rate you should already have done more than kissing, she seemed like the good girl but a lot of times good girls like bad guys. You come off as being a little too prim and proper and that might have caused you to become boring and you gave her time to think and consider her actions a little too much. It's kind of in a woman's nature to get in over her head, it's kind of how they function and when they don't then they can talk themselves out of it before they become intimate with you. It's why men are the hunters, we have to be aggressive, we have to be demanding although not pushy and overwhelming, and needy. I just got burned recently myself for the first time, I totally didn't see it coming...however I also know I didn't push it as hard when I could have and I was probably too accommodating. Yeah lame. Women act on emotion and the mood of the moment, but when given time to rationalize they back off. I just got out of a relationship a month ago and I'm still trying to get back into this. Even so though, if a woman is really interested in a guy why should sex early in a few dates even be a major factor? I didn't even sleep with my ex until after a few weeks of dating, or after several dates anyway. Or maybe my ex was just more mentally stable/sound than this flaker.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Eddie: There was a thought behind my mind that I could've been a rebound, she did like to talk a lot and rarely seem to ask me questions pertaining to me. Maybe early on she was looking for ONS from me, but even so if that was what she was looking for...she could have showed up at my place but didn't. Theres nothing to salvage, when you blew it, thats it, youre done. She wasnt looking for a ONS, she was looking for a distraction. If she didnt even ask you questions about you, she just wanted company. Maybe a rebound, maybe she wasnt getting theguys she really wanted and you were a last resort. Sucks, but thats why I dont date online anymore. The women who dont date online have less options, and its much easier to get to know them.
Emme Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 would it be too late to salvage it at this point? Or let her call me and apologize? Didn't I just tell you to keep your dates in your vicinity. End it hun. Unless she calls you and apologizes then make an effort to put yourself out there as she has these past 3 dates. In all honesty its tiring. Drive 1 hour then you reach your destination, have dinner... no sex at the end of that tunnel, yet. Then after I eat I'm sleepy I have to drive myself back another hour. I just could not do it. But it's up to you. Apology from her first then make the gesture of going to her side of town. If and only if you have the energy to make this work.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 ok update: Just got a text from her: her: CRAZY day at work, just leaving now. I need to go home and crash! Sorry. Maybe I'll give it another shot and suggest a date around her area (if that was the real issue). thoughts?
spinaroonie Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Yeah lame. Women act on emotion and the mood of the moment, but when given time to rationalize they back off. I just got out of a relationship a month ago and I'm still trying to get back into this. Even so though, if a woman is really interested in a guy why should sex early in a few dates even be a major factor? I didn't even sleep with my ex until after a few weeks of dating, or after several dates anyway. Or maybe my ex was just more mentally stable/sound than this flaker. Did you meet your ex online? Online dating is a different game. With online dating you have to work faster. Girls are getting hit up with dick constantly, you need to step your game up to stand out. You really need to push for the bang for her to feel a strong connection to you. Once you've banged her, you have the upper hand. Fortune favours the bold. Edited December 5, 2011 by spinaroonie
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Didn't I just tell you to keep your dates in your vicinity. End it hun. Unless she calls you and apologizes then make an effort to put yourself out there as she has these past 3 dates. In all honesty its tiring. Drive 1 hour then you reach your destination, have dinner... no sex at the end of that tunnel, yet. Then after I eat I'm sleepy I have to drive myself back another hour. I just could not do it. But it's up to you. Apology from her first then make the gesture of going to her side of town. If and only if you have the energy to make this work. She just apologized, I am invested. So I will probably give her a call tomorrow to schedule something in her town, if she'll let me anyway. Did you meet your ex online? Online dating is a different game. With online dating you have to work faster. You really need to push for the bang for her to feel a strong connection to you. Once you've banged her, you have the upper hand. Fortune favours the bold. I did meet the ex online, she knew she wanted to be with me after a few dates already...maybe even the first?
Emme Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 ok update: Just got a text from her: her: CRAZY day at work, just leaving now. I need to go home and crash! Sorry. Maybe I'll give it another shot and suggest a date around her area (if that was the real issue). thoughts? Ok you are too invested in her too quickly. That bothers me. How many other women are you dating?
Emme Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 She just apologized, I am invested. So I will probably give her a call tomorrow to schedule something in her town, if she'll let me anyway. Dear that was a cover your ass brush off text. Not an apology. Do not call her, find someone else. If she doesn't call you to reschedule another date she's not interested.
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Ok you are too invested in her too quickly. That bothers me. How many other women are you dating? Just her currently. Dating is expensive. If you think I'm invested in her too quickly, what would you suggest? Play it cool and be less available, I assume? Dear that was a cover your ass brush off text. Not an apology. Do not call her, find someone else. If she doesn't call you to reschedule another date she's not interested. Well, I'm not hooked on her. I can let this one go if I choose to. You're right though, she should be the one to make it up to me.
spinaroonie Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 OP, give her some space. Don't call her or text her for 3 days. And don't try to set up any more dates over text. Dates confirmed orally are less likely to flake. Call her on Thursday. If she picks up, chat for a few minutes try to rekindle those emotions she felt on her first 3 dates with you, and set something up for later in the week. If doesn't answer, DON'T leave a voice mail. Text her a few minutes later with "just called, hit me back". If she doesn't call or text you after this, she's no longer interested. Move on.
Tom81 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Just her currently. Dating is expensive. If you think I'm invested in her too quickly, what would you suggest? Play it cool and be less available, I assume? Well, I'm not hooked on her. I can let this one go if I choose to. You're right though, she should be the one to make it up to me. Damn right dating is expensive...must be nice (at least on the money side of things) being a women when dating.
Emme Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Just her currently. Dating is expensive. If you think I'm invested in her too quickly, what would you suggest? Play it cool and be less available, I assume? Who told you women were cheap... You better know it hun so keep your money in your pocket for those who are worthy. No matter what or how you start a relationship the rule is you teach people how to treat you. This woman has been giving you the brush off and half ass excuses. When someone shows you there true colors... honey it won't get better. She is who she is ... she did not call you to discuss why her day was the way it was and truly gave you a heart felt apology. Her persona is this is who I am accept it, you have no choice. That was an open and closed text. She didn't say call you later, talk to you about it later, nothing. That attitude doesn't last long in the real world. Save your f*cking money. Next! Edited December 5, 2011 by Emme
spinaroonie Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 OP, I posted this on another thread and it's worth restating here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3759094&postcount=2 One common problem with cold approach pickup (and dating in general) is that you are automatically penalized for being a stranger. You can go out and have a great date with a girl, only to have all the attraction evaporate in a few days as you exchange text messages, trying to plan another date. The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her. However, if you attempt to "forge" a connection by texting her continually, you will likely be punished for showing too much eagerness. It's a catch 22; this is why most traditional "dating" models don't lead to relationships. The best strategy is to mimic the communication strategies of high valued men and prey on her need for validation. This is what it means to be a "challenge." Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects. This means to avoid giving her any closure following the first date. Don't make plans for a second date on the first one, don't text her to make sure she got in ok at the end of the night, and don't text her the next day to thank her for a nice time. Wait at least a couple of days, unless she contacts you first...and even then, show restraint. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty. When you DO ask her out again, keep it short and sweet- don't try too hard to be witty and keep these dates SIMPLE. A man valued by many women will NOT bend over backwards trying to impress a girl he just met. Trying to impress her will send her running at this stage in the game. In the event that she can not make the day you suggest and doesn't offer an alternate day, say nothing. Either wait for her to text you again, or wait a week and contact her. If she cancels the second date abruptly, say nothing. The common thread in these responses is to treat disinterest with amplified disinterest- meaning that you won't even offer her closure by saying, "sure, that ok." This is the only way you can demonstrate value in these situations. I hate game playing, and it's a shame that two people that like each other can't just go out and be transparent with one another. Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her -- in the early stages, anyway. If you've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards, it is because you failed to leave room for doubt. You will have much better luck if you disappear for a bit immediately following the first date. -Jeffst1980
Author monkey00 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Who told you women were cheap... You better know it hun so keep your money in your pocket for those who are worthy. No matter what or how you start a relationship the rule is you teach people how to treat you. This woman has been giving you the brush off and half ass excuses. When someone shows you there true colors... honey it won't get better. She is who she is ... she did not call you to discuss why her day was the way it was and truly gave you a heart felt apology. Her persona is this is who I am accept it, you have no choice. That was an open and closed text. She didn't say call you later, talk to you about it later, nothing. That attitude doesn't last long in the real world. Save your f*cking money. Next! You give good advice. Normally later in the week she works 10-8pm. She told me she gets out at 6pm today 2 days ago. Although the other days she canceled and wanted to reschedule I had a hunch she was just burnt out from work and wanted to chill and not do the crazy commute to my place. Even if that were the case, it's too bad she just couldn't communicate it...a simple phone call would have sufficed and I am an understanding guy. Hell, we could've even made plans to do something else. I do work late often throughout the week too, so people can have pretty unpredictable schedules. Anyway I'm still on a dating website, so I'm gonna keep on truckin'!
dispatch3d Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Yeah an hour is a while to travel. Its too bad you aren't talking to her on the phone, its just easier to figure things out rather than texting. Maybe she is nervous about a date starting at your house? You could try getting concert tickets to something.
chryssy83 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 For next time....don't ever let a girl travel like that to see you. I am not dating guys anymore who are okay with me traveling around late at night or making long drives to meet up with them. If you live far apart, she may do it eventually, but a little chivalry never hurts. Women want to feel safe with a guy. Especially if you can't offer her financial security, you need to express concern for her safety. Guaranteed every hour she travelled home from your house she was thinking that her little dating commute sucked. She doesn't seem that interested. Move on, if she regrets missing out on you she knows where to find you, and then don't let her come to you anymore!
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