shocked_confused Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Hey guys, This is more of a venting thread than anything, not really asking for advice, though advice is welcome if you feel like it Anyhow, it's been 5 months since I've had sex and it's making me go bananas a bit. I was in a relationship for a really long time until a year ago, so during that time I was having sex very regularly with my boyfriend at the time. After we broke up I went through a 6 month dry spell until I met a guy in the summer. We had great sex for a couple months until that fizzled out and there's been no one since! And I don't think the issue is that I'm unattractive because I have guys and girls tell me I'm beautiful a lot. But I think the issue is that I'm too chicken to have random sex/one night stands. I know I could if I wanted to but i can't bring myself to do it. But I feel like that's the only way I can break my dry spell. I guess the other option is to get another boyfriend, but I'm having trouble with that right now (a whole other issue). Oh and I have a vibrator that's been working wonders but it's not the same as d*ck. Anyhow, anyone else in a dry spell like me? How have you been dealing?? And what's random sex like? I can't imagine it being that great if there's no connection between you and the guy...is it worth it? Ok, so maybe I am asking for advice now! Thanks peeps.
Andy_K Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 If you don't want to do ONS and haven't found a bf, why not try a FWB style arrangement? If you're attractive, most of your male friends probably already want to do you, so just pick one that's cute, explain the situation, and go for it. I suggest sleeping with a friend rather than trying to negotiate a FWB with some random stranger, because the friend is rather more likely to respect you and stick to some sort of arrangement, rather than hit & run.
Jynxx Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 You're a woman, how hard can it be? Go to a bar, accept a drink from someone who offers you one, talk and be nice if you want and don't if you don't want, and either he'll make a move on you and you'll end up having sex that night if you want.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 LOL, what is this world coming to if even attractive girls (though we have to take the OP's at her word on that one) can't get laid
Celestine Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Well, what are you going to do if you don't want to have a random hook up and don't want to ruin your friendships by having sex with a friend? It's easy to get laid but the aim is not only to get laid but also to enjoy it. I had one ONS in my life and it was the most horrible night I ever had, I'm definitely never going to do that again. There are better times to come!!
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Ok, so maybe I am asking for advice now! Thanks peeps. You need a better vibrator.. Try a Rabbit or the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager and/or with attachments... Don't do a ONS unless that is your thing....
iris219 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 I know exactly how you feel. I can't get laid either! Gosh it's frustrating! I won't have sex in a non-committed relationship. It's been about a year since I've had sex. Sleeping with a friend is a terrible idea and I highly recommend against it. Genuinely good friends are hard to find. There are reasons why my guy friends are just friends, and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship (or make it weird) over sex. As gross as I find ONS, I'd much rather do that than sleep with any of my male friends. I deal with lack of sex by reminding myself how awesome it'll be when I finally meet someone I really want to have sex with. Imagine meeting someone who will make the wait worth it. That's what keeps me sane.
Wolf18 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Sleeping with a friend is a terrible idea and I highly recommend against it. Genuinely good friends are hard to find. There are reasons why my guy friends are just friends, and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship (or make it weird) over sex. As gross as I find ONS, I'd much rather do that than sleep with any of my male friends. [/Quote] No normal guy is going to stop being your "friend" because you sleep with him. If anything, that's the ideal arrangement. If you don't want to for a myriad of reasons (reasons you probably friendzoned these guys to begin with) and would rather sleep with a "omg hot" stranger, that's one thing, but don't act like it's going to "ruin your friendship" when in reality you are just not attracted to them. I seriously doubt your male friends would be so against the idea if you were to present it to them, why dont you try it if you don't believe me? Finding someone compatible with you for a romantic relationship is a lot harder than finding good friends, atleast for men. I've always had great and loyal friends, and make them all the time.
iris219 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 No normal guy is going to stop being your "friend" because you sleep with him. If anything, that's the ideal arrangement. If you don't want to for a myriad of reasons (reasons you probably friendzoned these guys to begin with) and would rather sleep with a "omg hot" stranger, that's one thing, but don't act like it's going to "ruin your friendship" when in reality you are just not attracted to them. I seriously doubt your male friends would be so against the idea if you were to present it to them, why dont you try it if you don't believe me? Finding someone compatible with you for a romantic relationship is a lot harder than finding good friends, atleast for men. I've always had great and loyal friends, and make them all the time. What I meant was that sex would ruin the friendship because I would be very uncomfortable with it. Male/female friendships work best when very clear boundaries are maintained. Throw sex in and those boundaries are violated and the friendship dynamics are altered. It's not worth it to me.
Wolf18 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Oh poor women have dry spells for a few months. Try a few years for some guys. Yes, and it's usually a consequence of their pickiness, rather than a legitimate lack of choice. I've had friends, good looking ones, be completely single without any prospects for 8-9 months at a time. I'll venture a guess and say that 90% of America men in their 20's do not have sex even once in a month for a whole consecutive year, and it's not because they don't "want to ruin a friendship".
Wolf18 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 What I meant was that sex would ruin the friendship because I would be very uncomfortable with it. Male/female friendships work best when very clear boundaries are maintained. Throw sex in and those boundaries are violated and the friendship dynamics are altered. It's not worth it to me. So you don't consider the males you have sex with and have relationships with to be your friends? Do you just date men you have nothing in common with in that case? You're just not sexually attracted to your male friends. There's no shame in admitting that, but it is shameful to pretend you don't sleep with your male friends for altruistic or none-existent reasons. If you can have sex with a stranger and not be affected by it, it won't come into play when sleeping with your male friends either.
iris219 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 So you don't consider the males you have sex with and have relationships with to be your friends? Do you just date men you have nothing in common with in that case? You're just not sexually attracted to your male friends. There's no shame in admitting that, but it is shameful to pretend you don't sleep with your male friends for altruistic or none-existent reasons. If you can have sex with a stranger and not be affected by it, it won't come into play when sleeping with your male friends either. Some of my male friends I am not sexually attracted to, mainly because I view them in a brotherly way. With some of my male friends, I do not let myself be sexually attracted to them because it's not in anyone's best interest (we're not compatible romantically, so why bother?). It's the same with married men and colleagues. I suppress all attraction until there is none. I don't have sex with men who are not relationship material for me, and it's very hard to find a suitable partner. And, no I'm not picky. If anything, I'm not picky enough!
Wolf18 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Ok Iris, I'm done interrogating you You're pretty much admitting it, just in a needlessly fluffy way. I don't get why girls feel they have to do it, men would appreciate it a lot more if you just came out and said "well Mike is my "brother" because he's 2 inches shorter than average, John is balding so he's my brother, Kevin smells like cabbage he's my brother, Mark has manboobs he's a real bro". I highly doubt you are able to suppress or will attraction, if you can then you are the first woman I've met that can. Most girls say they "just don't feel it" when they think you are unattractive, or bring up the "love" word when they are involved with some model looking guy who berates or neglects them every night.
Lostinlife4now Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Hi Iris! So know where you are coming from...I have had a dry spell since June...yes that is a really long time for me. And no I don't do ONS...just would feel dirty after, never had a ONS either. I need to have some sexual attraction to the person that I am opening my legs to. Since we are all human beings, we all need the skin to skin contact. I would just love to have comfort sex just to release all the good stuff, but don't have any male friends, my world is dominated by women.... I try not to think about it too much.
somedude81 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 And, no I'm not picky. If anything, I'm not picky enough! I know exactly how you feel. I can't get laid either! Gosh it's frustrating! I won't have sex in a non-committed relationship. It's been about a year since I've had sex. So you're not picky and you haven't had sex in a year. Something isn't adding up... And I hate how women can say, "I like you, you're good enough to be my friend, but you're not enough to sleep with." Then their is the BS notion that sleeping with a friend will "ruin the friendship." Ever thought that maybe you guys can start dating? But nope, you'd rather have sex with a guy you just met BTW, my dry spell has been three years.
Author shocked_confused Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) If you don't want to do ONS and haven't found a bf, why not try a FWB style arrangement? If you're attractive, most of your male friends probably already want to do you, so just pick one that's cute, explain the situation, and go for it. I suggest sleeping with a friend rather than trying to negotiate a FWB with some random stranger, because the friend is rather more likely to respect you and stick to some sort of arrangement, rather than hit & run. That definitely does sound like an ideal arrangement, and I'm not saying I'll never do it, but i'm afraid of the whole getting emotionally attached thing. I think it's because I've only had a few partners (I can count them on one hand). I actually had a male friend come back into my life a couple months ago. He's a great guy and he took me on several dates (and he's good looking), but I wasn't into him enough to get into a relationship with him. Looking back, I probably could have proposed an FWB situation with him, but I'm not sure if he would have been insulted...lol. Anyway, I probably blew my chance of an FWB situation with him if I asked him now since I hurt his feelings after telling him I just wanted to be friends....haven't talked to him much since You're a woman, how hard can it be? Go to a bar, accept a drink from someone who offers you one, talk and be nice if you want and don't if you don't want, and either he'll make a move on you and you'll end up having sex that night if you want. I'm too scared to have a ONS. The guy and I would have had to REALLY hit it off for me to do that.... LOL, what is this world coming to if even attractive girls (though we have to take the OP's at her word on that one) can't get laid Lmao, trussssst me feelsgoodman, it's not that easy for me. To be fair, guys do approach me at the bar and we end up talking/dancing. Some have asked me to go back to their places but I've always said no. Sometimes I'm tempted, but I'd feel like a whore and like I was used....So I suppose I do have opportunities sometimes. Edited December 5, 2011 by shocked_confused
Author shocked_confused Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Well, what are you going to do if you don't want to have a random hook up and don't want to ruin your friendships by having sex with a friend? It's easy to get laid but the aim is not only to get laid but also to enjoy it. I had one ONS in my life and it was the most horrible night I ever had, I'm definitely never going to do that again. There are better times to come!! Hahaha and that's what I'm afraid of is having a horrendous ONS. I guess I won't know til I try it. Better times to come indeed.... You need a better vibrator.. Try a Rabbit or the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager and/or with attachments. Hahaha you are too funny Art_Critic. But I actually am looking into a new vibrator since mines starting to break on me ...The Rabbit looks amazing.
Author shocked_confused Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 I know exactly how you feel. I can't get laid either! Gosh it's frustrating! I won't have sex in a non-committed relationship. It's been about a year since I've had sex. Sleeping with a friend is a terrible idea and I highly recommend against it. Genuinely good friends are hard to find. There are reasons why my guy friends are just friends, and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship (or make it weird) over sex. As gross as I find ONS, I'd much rather do that than sleep with any of my male friends. I deal with lack of sex by reminding myself how awesome it'll be when I finally meet someone I really want to have sex with. Imagine meeting someone who will make the wait worth it. That's what keeps me sane. Thanks iris, I think if I slept with one of my guy friends it would have to be one that I'm not very close to, someone who I wouldn't mind losing too much if things got awkward. I try to remind myself the same thing too Originally Posted by Thoughtsandstuff Oh poor women have dry spells for a few months. Try a few years for some guys. Yes, and it's usually a consequence of their pickiness, rather than a legitimate lack of choice. I agree with you here Wolf18 and it's probably part of my problem.
xxoo Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 No normal guy is going to stop being your "friend" because you sleep with him. If anything, that's the ideal arrangement. Well, duh, of course he'll say yes to sleeping together.... But when you stop sleeping together, and he gets a new girlfriend, that's when it gets weird. Women can be very jealous about female friends in general, and downright horrified by female friends he's slept with. How would the guys feel if your new girlfriend had a good guy friend who she slept with as a FWB while she was single?
Wolf18 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 I agree with you here Wolf18 and it's probably part of my problem. [/Quote] Then you have nobody to blame but yourself. Well, duh, of course he'll say yes to sleeping together.... But when you stop sleeping together, and he gets a new girlfriend, that's when it gets weird. Women can be very jealous about female friends in general, and downright horrified by female friends he's slept with. How would the guys feel if your new girlfriend had a good guy friend who she slept with as a FWB while she was single? [/Quote] Oh god, so much chatter to defend this "I don't want to ruin my friendships" house of cards. Whose your favorite actor/male model? Would you hold back from ****ing him hypothetically because you guys have too much in common and are such great friends? When a woman stops to think about something in this much detail, it's because your biceps ain't big enough. You're not going to "friendzone" a remarkably good looking guy, and that's why your argument is bogus.
Author shocked_confused Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Then you have nobody to blame but yourself HOWEVER, I don't think I'm that picky about the guys themselves. I'm more picky about the situation. As I've mentioned, I don't think i can do ONS, and as for FWB--I'm scared of getting emotionally attached (that's what happened with my summer guy and I got hurt). Though if I could choose between the two situations I would definitely go with an FWB scenario.
Titania22 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Hi Iris and Lostinlife4now, I am also in the not had sex for a while club. It's been about 10months. Bothered me alot for a while, even got depressed, but now i am actually settled with it. And since I stopped looking at guys as potential objects for my sexual gratification, I have actually been developing some really good male friendships.
iris219 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Then you have nobody to blame but yourself. Oh god, so much chatter to defend this "I don't want to ruin my friendships" house of cards. Whose your favorite actor/male model? Would you hold back from ****ing him hypothetically because you guys have too much in common and are such great friends? When a woman stops to think about something in this much detail, it's because your biceps ain't big enough. You're not going to "friendzone" a remarkably good looking guy, and that's why your argument is bogus. How about this one Wolfie: I have a friend who’s had a crush on me for 7 years. He’s hot—6’2”, 185, dark hair, blue eyes. He looks like a young Alec Baldwin. We are not right for each other in terms of a relationship—different values. So he’s friendzoned. How do you explain that? Attraction, as I've said before on LS, is so much more complicated that just finding someone who’s objectively hot. So you're not picky and you haven't had sex in a year. Something isn't adding up... I’m sure I could hook up with some random dude, but I don’t want that. Why do you and some other men on here find it so hard to believe that attractive women have trouble finding suitable and/or relationship minded men? But I actually am looking into a new vibrator since mines starting to break on me ...The Rabbit looks amazing. Mine broke too! It’s no longer a “vibrator.” Guess I wore it out. Hi Iris and Lostinlife4now, I am also in the not had sex for a while club. It's been about 10months. Bothered me alot for a while, even got depressed, but now i am actually settled with it. And since I stopped looking at guys as potential objects for my sexual gratification, I have actually been developing some really good male friendships. Hi Tatiana! I’ve found that my frustration cycles. Sometimes I’m super annoyed, but much of the time I’m pretty settled and accepting of it as well.
ShannonMI Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Hey guys, This is more of a venting thread than anything, not really asking for advice, though advice is welcome if you feel like it Anyhow, it's been 5 months since I've had sex and it's making me go bananas a bit. I was in a relationship for a really long time until a year ago, so during that time I was having sex very regularly with my boyfriend at the time. After we broke up I went through a 6 month dry spell until I met a guy in the summer. We had great sex for a couple months until that fizzled out and there's been no one since! And I don't think the issue is that I'm unattractive because I have guys and girls tell me I'm beautiful a lot. But I think the issue is that I'm too chicken to have random sex/one night stands. I know I could if I wanted to but i can't bring myself to do it. But I feel like that's the only way I can break my dry spell. I guess the other option is to get another boyfriend, but I'm having trouble with that right now (a whole other issue). Oh and I have a vibrator that's been working wonders but it's not the same as d*ck. Anyhow, anyone else in a dry spell like me? How have you been dealing?? And what's random sex like? I can't imagine it being that great if there's no connection between you and the guy...is it worth it? Ok, so maybe I am asking for advice now! Thanks peeps. Dry spells suck!!!!! I'm currently in one. I haven't had sex in almost 3 months. Not because guys haven't propositioned me but because I'm a picky girl. I live in a small college town. There are plenty of young men, but being a 32 year old woman, I'm not interested in dating someone so young. I did let go a little the other night and went out for some drinks with a 22 year old. He's not in college and has a decent job. He invited me out, but wanted me to taxi him and his friends around and didn't buy me one drink. Grounds for dismissal!!!! And obviously I didn't have sex with him, so the drought continues. Sigh.....it's annoying. Masturbation is how I deal. Hahahahahahaha:laugh:
Soxfaninfl Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 But I think the issue is that I'm too chicken to have random sex/one night stands. I know I could if I wanted to but i can't bring myself to do it. But I feel like that's the only way I can break my dry spell. I'd be too worried about STD's.
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