We broke up, she lead me on and went with another guy. I want her back. Does she?

[ZimboGon]

Okay, well... Its a long story so i will use fake names for everyone. So, i was 18 and i dated a 15 year old. Yeah, i know, senior and a sophomore. So, lets call her katie. Katie and i had a great relationship for the first year, we saw each other every day, we walked to class all the time, and we hung out after class every single day. 24/7 pretty much. She was really dependent on me, and she lost most of her friends because she saw me so much. I couldn't care either way, but it got to the point where she would get upset when i went with my friends and not her. Point being, i was her world. I had no fear of losing her. She and I had a great relationship, excellent chemistry, similar interests ect.

 

So, i graduated and that summer i saw her every single day. Unfortunately, i couldn't afford a car. My family is rather poor, so we ended up hanging out at my house, cuddling, watching shows or walking to places and eating. Then, school started back up for her and she started to change somewhat. I suggested we see each other less so our time would be more meaningful, and she was upset with that but she agreed. So, we started to see each other 3 or 4 times a week or so. Then, she was given a car. So, unfortunately she drove us around and we could go on dates and such (i have a job, so i always payed regardless)

 

So, around october we get in a fight and i suggest a temporary split because she doesn't seem happy. She gets really upset, starts crying, but agrees. 4 days later, she calls me and asks for me back. So i take her for a walk, and i ask her. Whats going on, what can we do to fix it? I love you and i want to make it work. She basically tells me that her feelings are fading a bit, she always loved me, but since i am her first real relationship she doesn't know what she wants. I told her i loved her and we could make things work, and she agreed.

 

So, we have the best two weeks we have had in awhile. Its great, and this guy, we will call him Rick, keeps texting her. I tell her to just say "I'm with my boyfriend right now" so he'd stop, and she refuses, insisting she doesn't want to lose one of her only friends. So, one night she and i are on a date, and he texts her confessing his feelings for her. Of course, i instantly shut him down and everything. So, a few days later i get to talk to him in person, and i respectfully tell him to back down, we love each other, yada yada. Katie refuses to say anything. So he leaves, and i look at her and say "Glad thats over, its a good thing you didn't like him or anything." She is unable to respond. I get up, and storm out and she chases me. Apparently she told him she liked him too, but she insists its a mistake and she realises she has been and idiot and wants to be with me, she wants to finally try for once. I give her one more chance, and i tell her to CUT contact with him.

 

So, i see her friday and we get in a fight over some things, and ultimately we break up. That night when she is crying, she texts rick "I wish you were here right now, i still smell like you when you hugged me." I surprise her the next day, we agree to work things out and i told her... CUT CONTACT. we have been together so long and we are so great together, its not worth throwing away. She tells me she sees me and so many pros, and she sees him and there is nothing but she still has this feeling for him. I suggest its just the chase because we were getting a bit stale and he is all over her.

 

this guy is really pathetic, whenever she is upset he rushes to her side and says things like "Pick who you want to be with. i know you like him, but im always here for you and i like you too. do whatever you want beautiful." Pretty much playing her like a card.

 

So, next wed she blows me off to hang out with her friends. Later that day, we talk. Apparently even though i asked her to cut contact, she kept talking to him and she hung out with him that day even though we had plans. Obviously, we both agree to break up. The next day, she texts me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life and she doesn't want to lose me. The day after that, she and rick hook up.

 

I hear about it, and i confront her about leading us both on and i tell her once and for all, PICK. She says that she likes us both, and that apparently i'm a better lover, but he's more fun in public or something. Ultimately, she picks him. Guess what, the next day she tells me she made a huge mistake and she doesn't want to lose anything with me. She's talking to him the whole day, and ignoring me. That night, she tells me she invited him over and told him off, saying she wanted to be with me. The next day, i see her and she shuts me out and she's really cold and we both agree to be single for awhile. Guess what, the next day she tells me she misses me and she is really confused. So, a few days later i show up at her house to return her things and what do i see. Her, under the blanket i bought her with rick. I look at her, tell her to never contact me again and i leave.

 

Two weeks later, they are dating. She sends me a message saying she is really sorry for everything, she felt it was best we broke up because i seem happier and now she doesn't regret everything. She also adds, "I don't know if i will ever be able to say honestly that breaking up with you wasn't a mistake."

 

Then, she keeps stalking my facebook and she messages me about it occasionally. Why? Whats the point? She left me for some guy without a job, a car, or anything. A guy who doesn't have anything to offer because of some spur of the moment thing. A guy who completely played her. So i sent her a message, saying that i just heard she and him were official and i told her to stop stalking me, stop sending me messages and stop messing with me. I told her to live with her decisions, and that i hope she doesn't regret them because at some point i really did love her. I warned her if i got another message, i would block her so she wouldn't be able to stalk my facebook for whatever strange reasons she does.

 

 

But... deep down. I really want her back. She was a great person when we dated, but things changed when i graduated. She was really young, immature, and i'm not really sure what to do. I did everything i could for her, i supported her emotionally, i took her out, i made her happy and she pulls this. I mean, is she going to come back? Should i take her back?

[BoredAgain]

Chalk it up to her being very young, very inexperienced, and very confused about what she wants. It's generally why most high school relationships don't last.

 

Keep doing the No Contact thing. She's probably contacting you because she's unsure of herself (and she'd still be unsure of herself even if you guys got back together), so don't even bother responding. Block her from Facebook, ignore texts and emails, let calls go to voice mail, etc. Give yourself time to get over the relationship.

[ZimboGon]

Chalk it up to her being very young, very inexperienced, and very confused about what she wants. It's generally why most high school relationships don't last.

 

Keep doing the No Contact thing. She's probably contacting you because she's unsure of herself (and she'd still be unsure of herself even if you guys got back together), so don't even bother responding. Block her from Facebook, ignore texts and emails, let calls go to voice mail, etc. Give yourself time to get over the relationship.

 

I know, i just feel like that will push her away even more. I don't want to lose her, despite everything that has happened. I'm a pretty stubborn guy, and when i find someone i like i don't want to lose them. I want to close the door for now to her, but i don't want to lock it.

 

I guess something i should add, i have virtually no sex drive and her sex drive is insane. So, i would never really put out and she always wanted action. I hope that wasn't too bad... haha.

Edited December 4, 2011 by ZimboGon

[BoredAgain]

I know, i just feel like that will push her away even more. I don't want to lose her, despite everything that has happened. I'm a pretty stubborn guy, and when i find someone i like i don't want to lose them. I want to close the door for now to her, but i don't want to lock it.

 

If you try to remain in each others' lives and the feelings between you two keep getting stirred up, that's almost certain to end in disaster. Cutting contact until you've healed isn't locking the door. However, once you've healed, there's a good chance that you'll rather move on than rekindle the relationship.

[ZimboGon]

If you try to remain in each others' lives and the feelings between you two keep getting stirred up, that's almost certain to end in disaster. Cutting contact until you've healed isn't locking the door. However, once you've healed, there's a good chance that you'll rather move on than rekindle the relationship.

 

I understand that. I've started talking to many women lately that i have my eye on, the only problem is my feelings for my ex. Everyone i know tells me she isn't worth it, she lied, and such and such. But, before that part of our relationship it was perfect. It was the best relationship i have had. My only fear would be that she would do it again. I feel like at this point i have forgiven her, and i am healing. She just has a huge part of me in my heart.

[ZimboGon]

Any other advice? :/

[BoredAgain]

Any other advice? :/

 

Well, you already seem to understand on an intellectual level that getting back together would lead you nowhere. You just have to get there on an emotional level, and that just takes time.

 

If you focus on things to improve your own life - meet new people, pick up new hobbies, focus on being a better student/employee, etc. - you'll be much happier with your life. And that means you'll have the ability to have a much happier relationship.

[ZimboGon]

Well, you already seem to understand on an intellectual level that getting back together would lead you nowhere. You just have to get there on an emotional level, and that just takes time.

 

If you focus on things to improve your own life - meet new people, pick up new hobbies, focus on being a better student/employee, etc. - you'll be much happier with your life. And that means you'll have the ability to have a much happier relationship.

 

Mmm... I've been doing that lately. I have been feeling better. But on a side note, do you think after my whole story she would come back? I don't see her current relationship lasting very long, and i was her first love. After i stay in NC for awhile, anyway?

[BoredAgain]

Mmm... I've been doing that lately. I have been feeling better. But on a side note, do you think after my whole story she would come back? I don't see her current relationship lasting very long, and i was her first love. After i stay in NC for awhile, anyway?

 

I don't know. But until you can look at the relationship objectively, when you've gained enough emotional distance from the situation, do you think you'd want to jump back in to dating her? Maybe, but I'd be willing to bet not.

 

That's what happens. In the process of healing from the break-up, you grow as a person and better yourself. So when you look back on the old relationship, it doesn't seem quite as appealing as it once did.