The Other Woman...would you want to be with someone who left their SO for you?

[fificremefarben]

I know, I know. I've posted about The Other Woman/Man before. I also know that I can't blame her completely, as he wouldnt have left me for her unwillingly, but I figure that, now I know who she is and it turns out she was the girl who was flirting with him/messaging him inappropriately since March, knowing he had a girlfriend, that I'm allowed to hate her too.

 

I just can't understand the reasoning. I, personally, wouldn't and couldn't go near someone who I KNEW was in a relationship (and in this case it was a long-term relationship).

 

She knew she had a girlfriend (and the sick thing is, she EVEN offered to meet up with me to talk about a course I was about to start that she'd done the year before...meanwhile all of this was going on behind my back) and yet she went there anyway.

 

I also think I'd feel really uneasy if a guy cheated on his long-term partner with me and then left her for me.. It sounds like quite a romantic act but, truth is, it would make me feel uneasy about his fidelity to me in the future, if he could do it to her.

 

How can she be with him, knowing how he treated me during the breakup? Does she know that he lied about why he broke up with me and that when he finally admitted to me it was by TEXT message. Does she know that when i told him I didn't want to have that conversation by text and that he owed it to me to tell me about this to my face, that he just said "we have nothing to talk about" and cut me out of his life?!

 

How could she be with him knowing this? Does she have no respect for herself?!

 

 

I know I'm ranting again (and hopefully the day will come where I don't hate/wish ill on either of them...I'll simply pity them) but I still can't get over the fact that this is how my 4-year relationship with the guy I have 14 years of history with ended. Everytime I think I'm doing ok, I come down again . It seems so unfair that they get to be happy together and I've just been left in the most awful way to pick up the pieces

 

Come on, karma!

[thepedestrian]

Stop worrying about what he has and hasn't told her. Its honestly none of your business. Sabotaging another relationship won't bring him back to you and in the end it won't make you feel better. Take the higher route even though he hurt you badly. Maybe he told you over text because he is in this new relationship and he isn't letting your emotions affect his new one. It sucks how he left you and it definitely wasn't the easiest way for you but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it.

 

My friend got in a relationship with a girl that cheated on her boyfriend for him. Guess what - the guy that got cheated on was devastated but he didn't get any help from her going through it. Guess what happened to my friend a couple years later? The girl cheated on him and he was devastated. Dating patterns tend to repeat themselves...

[M2155]

You ALWAYS want to believe that he/she will be different with you. That you are the one they will be faithful with, treat beter blah blah blah. That you were the one that "won" the person from their significant other. That's how you can be with that person.

 

I know a few people in relationships that started when the person was knowingly in a serious relationship already and I get the feeling it stays in the back of their mind. They're quicker to get insecure or suspect something. Not always of course, just the couples I'm thinking of.

[stunned8165]

My EG left for her boss who is a player to begin with. ( my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302201/ ).. He will for now have his fun with her. But he knows she flirted with him and cheated with him while she was engaged to me, living with me, have a history for three years, and knowing I'm the only dad her 4 & 5 year old know. Do you think he will actually be able to trust her? Trust me. That relationship will self destruct. And it will in your case too. As for my ex, how many men does she think is out there that will accept her and her kids like I did. Read my link. It might make you feel a little better about YOUR situation.

[shayla]

Stop worrying about what he has and hasn't told her. Its honestly none of your business. Sabotaging another relationship won't bring him back to you and in the end it won't make you feel better.

 

OP, people like to get into threads like this and insert their hateful comments designed to kick a person while they are down.

 

Whether this is your business or not isn't the point and was unecessary to even bring up, except to cause someone else pain. Ignore this mess.

 

Your mind will go through all the what ifs and that is natural. Don't let anyone tell you or try to insult you because it's happening to you. Think whatever thoughts, feel whatever feelings. They come and they go, and thankfully in time they will go for good.

 

He is a coward for dumping you by text and is afraid to face you because he knew his actions were messy. She is a pig for trying to be your friend knowing all along that she was fooling around with your boyfriend. There it is, all in your lap. All you can do is let time, therapy, and working on yourself get you through it all.

 

 

 

Take the higher route even though he hurt you badly. Maybe he told you over text because he is in this new relationship and he isn't letting your emotions affect his new one. It sucks how he left you and it definitely wasn't the easiest way for you but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it.

 

 

You may not be able to do anything about this situation, but you can work through what happened in your own mind to help yourself heal and get on to the next part of your life.

 

 

My friend got in a relationship with a girl that cheated on her boyfriend for him. Guess what - the guy that got cheated on was devastated but he didn't get any help from her going through it. Guess what happened to my friend a couple years later? The girl cheated on him and he was devastated. Dating patterns tend to repeat themselves...

 

Don't wait on karma, that takes it's own sweet time and you may never see the result of that. What you will see is how happy you can be in a good relationship with a better man if you do the things I've suggested above.

 

Good luck.

[reallypo]

Good post, OP. So weird how I read so many stories similar to mine. The OW always commented on my fb posts to the ex. The wi-atch knew of me and all. And I know it's "none of our business" and that "we shouldn't sabatage" blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda....but it's normal to think what ur thinking. It's unfortunately a stage we go thru when we keep thinking about the OW. I want to believe in karma....but it be great to hear more true karma stories. And for those of you who say "move on, stop thinking about the ex or their current significant others..." although I agree with that 100% and have tried it and advised people to do it, I occassionally find myself "po"..."pissed off" when I'm not as happy now compared the the wonderful life my ex is having. I found that the more bad karma I personally wished on him, it backfired and I have the worst days! BUT....I do hope karma itself, not me wishing it, takes it's own course if it chooses to do so lol. If anyone has karma stories, share! Reading them for some reason makes me feel better...helps my healing process for some odd reason.