ligirl2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Hi! I am looking for advice on what to do. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year. We are both 38 and neither of us have been married. He has an 8 year old son from a previous relationship. He does not talk to his son's mom he just picks his son up every other weekend at a neutral spot. After we had been dating 4 months I became pregnant and had a miscarriage. I was very upset and wanted to try again but he said he was not ready. So we continued to date and it has been a serious relationship. However, he still has refused to make a commitment and it bothered me because he comes over and does not help out at all with cleaning (he leaves stuff laying around), chipping in for food, or anything. When I was pregnant he was going to move in. I have asked him to move in and when I found a place close to his job he said it was too much money. Now I have given up asking. I have started to really really resent him because I am doing everything for him and his son and feel like i get nothing in return. For example for 4 months his car was broken down so I was driving him to work and picking him up and picking up his son for the weekend. During the summer I would book the hotels so we could go to Hershey and Great Advenutre (he paid for the tickets). Every once in a while his son will make a comment that is kind of mean and he will have to yell at his son to stop it. His son will also cry when he does not get his way and then my boyfriend gives in to him. Last month I couldn't take it anymore and walked out. Him and his son showed up at my house and told me that his son was crying when I left. Now it is Christmas. He says he can't think of what to get me. He keeps asking how much he should spend. I told him it is the thought behind it and that he should know me well enough to decide what would be good. Last night I bought a cake tin to make a santa cake because his son wanted to make a cake. It turned into a disaster with his son upset because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted with the frosting. I was trying to make it look cute for him and was letting him help but there was one part that I wanted to look cute. I didn't think it was a big deal. So he goes and cries on the couch. My boyfriend was trying to ask him what was wrong and he kept saying he wanted to help with the cake. I felt like I am being manipulated in my own house. My boyfriend asked him if he wanted to leave and his son said yes. I told my boyfriend if he left not to come back. I turned off my phone and now have all his stuff packed to drop off at his house while he is dropping off his son. Am I doing the right thing?
FitChick Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Why on earth would you want to have kids, with this guy or anyone and especially if you weren't married? You clearly don't know how to deal with them. Wait at least five years. In the mean time, get a dog.
geegirl Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 You want to have a child with a man that is not committed to you. He's not responsible. He's not supportive. He's not financially secure. Yet you are bending backwards to get his acceptance and probably feel that getting pregnant with his child will keep him locked in your life or maybe change him. You are 38, which is baffling because you sound like a giddy teenager wanting to play house versus thinking of why would you want to bring a child into such an environment even when you know it is not healthy as you see it now. Clearly you are just as immature and irresponsible as he is. It's time you look at yourself and start finding out why you keep wanting to make bad choices for yourself. I'm sorry for being harsh but having a boyfriend and an absent one at that is not justification enough to have a child.
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